I know I said in another post that that post I made was going to be the last one for me but I have new information and am looking for encouragement. <P>I have come to the conclusion that my wife has in fact cheated on me. I am going to re-confront her tonight when I get out of work and I am going to be relentless, like a pitt-bull. Either she comes clean with me tonight or it's over. She owes that to me, right? I have heard through several of our friends now, that she was/is seeing someone from her work. These people have nothing to gain and all to lose by telling me this. If I am to get over this I need to hear it from her mouth.<P>I was just posting to look for some encouragment from you nice people.<P>:-(

What if she does not come clean? Denial can be very strong. I would definitely let her know what you have heard and I would not be afraid to tell her where it came from. She may be angry at first, but if these people had no motive other than to see things right then she will understand(eventually) I started to repond earlier but could not form what I wanted to say. I would want to know as soon as possible about an affair, but until she sees that she has no choice you may not ever know the truth. Good luck<p>[This message has been edited by Paul Moyers (edited October 01, 1999).]

If she does come clean I know I'll be tremendously hurt. The thing is, I am already hurting tremendously. I have to hear it from her becasue until she can admit it to me there is no hope. As long as she denies it I feel she will continue. If she can come clean then I feel we have a chance which I am willing to take. I will work and go to counseling to get through this, but like I said - she needs to come clean. <P>If she denies it until I have video or audio then by that time it will be too late. I will feel like she and her OM had been laughing at me this whole time, how gullable I was to believe her when she denied it. <P>If she denies it I am leaving for the night. I don't intend on moving out for good at this point. I will have to play that all by ear.<BR>

Ok, I go home from work in an hour and a half. Now I am starting to think "What if I am wrong about this? What if she is not having an affair?" Will I be damaging our relationship beyond repair? <P>I think I am scared of what I will hear from my W's mouth tonight.<P>Help me please!

Hi there,<P>Just caught up on your posts. Hopefully, I can be of a little reassurance at least.<P>This is definitely a scary situation. I can more than imagine that it's one of the most difficult you've had to face. I've been in a similar situation. Many of us here have.<P>If I could only offer you one single suggestion out of the many that are possible it would be to do your best to keep your wits about you as you determine what it is that you really want to accomplish.<P>Please, don't worry about being embarrassed. Don't worry about your ego. Don't worry about whether you've ruined your relationship forever and ever.<P>If I could make this clear, I would tell you that you are about to enter into a fight for your marriage. If you want to have any chance of saving it, you've got to be prepared to do anything which is helpful in saving it. It won't be easy.<P>I can't tell you at this time what is right. I can't tell you what will work. But, I can tell you there are a lot of us here off which to bounce ideas and who can provide you support. <P>First, you've got to decide you want to do whatever you can to save this relationship. <P>Sooo....what do you think? We'll be here when you want to explore alternatives.<P>Good luck.

Also remember... you don't have to do it tonight. There's time to collect evidence(and/or hire a PI).

I also heard about my husband's infidelity through a mutual friend. She gave me details of where they had been seen together and how it started (she worked with both of them). I was in shock, but I believed her. She had nothing to gain by telling and everything to lose. I had made comments to my husband before about his maybe messing around and he blew me off. Well, now that I had my proof I confronted him. I had a name, I had dates, and I had a right to know. He still denied it for 15 minutes saying they were just friends. You don't know how close I came to giving in and believing him, but I didn't. He finally admitted it, but when I heard it I didn't believe what I was hearing. <P>If you feel like the people who told you about the affair are trustworthy, believe them. You have to know the truth if you are going to move on. If you confront her don't give up until she knows she has been caught and admits it. It will be the hardest thing you ever have to do because you will want to believe what she says so badly. But, this has to be done. Good luck to you. Let me know how it goes.

Thanks a lot all. only 50 minutes to go.<P>Whodat I think for me I HAVE to do it tonight.<P>DuncanMac Yes this is the most difficult thing I have ever faced in my entire life. And what I want to accomplish is to save my marriage. I believe that the only way to save it is to have her admit to her infidelity. If she denies that tells me that she is not ready to work on OUR relationship.<P>Thanks all for the words of encouragment.<P><BR>:-(<P>

Hi there,<P>You must love your wife very much. It comes through in your posts. Sometimes, part of loving someone is being able to accept they're not perfect. Sometimes it's about trying to forgive after being hurt.<P>As mentioned before, if your instincts are leading to believe there's something out of place in your relationship, there is. The question is what. Your W may or may not be having an affair. From what you've mentioned there's certainly circumstantial evidence even tho' she's told you she's not. But, as others have pointed out, part of the madness of infidelity is being able to lie.<P>I think what those of us on the Forum with more experience in similar situations are trying to urge you is to be as patient as you can be. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is wait. If your W is involved, it won't be easy to get her disentangled. Unless you're very fortunate it will not be easy for you.<P>Anyways, good luck. Hope things improve. Keep posting!