That I always have <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I found Christian contemporary music a year ago, and I love to play it and sing along when I'm doing dishes or cleaning or cooking. That is one way I bring some happiness in.

Well, I'll think of you when I do dishes next...and I like to think of it as letting some happiness out...

Speaking of contemporary Christian music...

Wanna hear a story?

LA

Oh boy, story time!!

ROFL...now for the let down...

Six years ago, close to this time of the year, I was sweating my life in southern Arkansas...I was finishing up a job and felt inside out, a bit lost, and my H had been fired from his position of 15 years...

I was in my car during lunch, scanning radio stations, brain and spirit lagging, and I heard this sound...an amazing harmony..."God of wonder...you are holy, holy..." and I swear, I was paralyzed.

My eyes teared up while the words and music poured into me...and I remember looking out at the pavement in the parking lot, and I swear, it swam, pooled and hardened again...while this music lifted me and I soared...

What was this radio station? I didn't listen to Christian music...I listened to retro stuff...nostalgia...and this song hit me where I lived, in my habit, nostalgic for a song I learned at VBS, three weeks after my mother died...during a hot Colorado summer..."Holy, Holy, Holy" hymn...

And here were these voices, ripe and full, come together to form City on A Hill...and sing this song...

Klove, the radio station announced...with no commercials...recently come to Arkansas...

I was rivted...I shared it with my coworkers and family...and when that song would come on, "Oh, here it is! Listen...isn't it amazing?" (Yeah, I DJ'd then...a lot)

Two months later, we moved back to Colorado...my H and kids going first, driving the 32-ft U-Haul...while I finished my assignment...a month later...and Klove was there in that loneliness...with a mattress on the livingroom floor...

As I drove that 18-hour journey over Labor Day weekend...I scanned for KLove...over and over...catching it here and there, not for as long as I wanted...and I prayed to know what I wanted...in this new life...to be led...in my work and my family...beginning anew...

And no KLove up through the middle of Colorado...nor in Denver...

I was already fearful of change...always was...and I missed that radio station like a friend gone too soon...

Three weeks later, I decide to scan again, for no real reason I can remember...it was on my way to my temporary job, early in the morning...when I hear a pledge drive...and as I pull out of our parking space, I hear "We welcome Denver to our Klove family" and I'm crying and driving...because I have no doubt in my mind...God reaches...and touches.

From that one Klove exposure seven years ago...my oldest dear son and I share a concert together...Third Day (part of that City on A Hill), many hours with my youngest singing in the car...and an ebb to my flow I cherish...

During my WH's A, my car stereo fried out when I had to jump my car...and I went without while I watched my WH buy a new one for his...and toss his old one...and here I was, full of resentment and fear, and know he's in an affair, and say, "I could have used your old one. I need my Klove."

Well...for my birthday two weeks later, he buys me a better one than his...and has it installed...nicest present he's ever given me...he was very proud of that for the year it lasted...until his, my son's and mine were all stolen...and I've been without since last October...because I only want an old one...need to find a harness to fit...so I can hear Klove again...

I know God reaches for me through others, as well as directly...my DH, sons, FOO, friends, the internet, coworkers...strangers...and when I feel touched, I sing, "God of wonder beyond imagining...you are holy, holy..."

LA

LA, what a beautiful story! Thanks, and letting happiness out is exactly right, singing out with praise <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

One of my favorites is He Reigns, by the Newsboys. My 5 year old sings when she's playing, "All God’s children singing Glory, glory, hallelujah, He reigns, He reigns"

I love Newsboys!

And if I was your five-year-old, when I sang that, I would be envisioning God raining...just the way I was...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LA

That's what I love about hearing her sing, because I get that visual, of God's love pouring down on us <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I don't ask her, because I don't want to spoil it!

Hey, that's not a self-deprecating DJ, is it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I loved your story, too. Tell us more! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You caught me, HTBH...old habit...

:P

Heehee.

You are sunshine on a white board, HTBH.

EO...I agree with the don't ask...and going with your own imagery...it's yours.

I will say that Rebecca St. James' Reign on my parade song took me a while to get...

LOL!

Did you know I was audibly dyslexic? Okay, so maybe written, also...anyway, I grew up mixing up lyrics, not hearing them correctly, and belting out what I thought they meant, in whatever context I could devise...sort of like what Silverpool believes I'm doing to HL...come to think of it...

Now I just look up lyrics or ask...or if mine end up having more meaning to me, I stick with them...though, not outloud.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Okay...telling you more...

You are contributing to my discovery day...these happen and I believe sharing them is what I want to do...

I'm reading "Conversations with God" by Neale Walsch right now...actually, I'm also reading "Don't Know Much About History - American History," because my father sent it to me and I love my Dad.

I switch off...I've been reading Conversations in little bits...like relishing Godiva chocolate...and then other books while I'm doing it...and it is startling to read what I believe in this book...rather than reading it and changing my beliefs...

Before I returned to my office from lunch, I read "What you do for Self, you will do for others."

Anyway...if you could get this book and read the relationships part...whole thing is amazing...I think I would be validated on a day I doubted myself...because in there, it says what I'm saying to HL and Silverpool...and I am not being mean or bashing or struggling to prove myself right...like God handing me KLove...reaching for me...

Which was needed by me...right after I shared that story with you.

Here's a quickie...says in there part of the process is learning and then telling...sharing...because that is how we undo what we were taught...the beliefs we took on before we knew we chose them...

Being here is my undoing...in a great way. I come and share, and listen, read and see, being shared with, and this is me also talking with Self, sharing with Self, sharing Self, and undoing what I was taught...earning love, making myself good by eliminating my bad, judging to be safe and right, or right to be safe...all of that is deep within me, from years of exposure and repetition...sharing with you is the undoing part...the unlearning part...

And I'm so grateful for you, EO, HTBH, BTE, SHMI, HL, so many on these boards, because by being here, you aid me in my unlearning...which means growing...

Your turn to tell a story, HTBH...

LA

How cool to see another long post <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I did that a lot when I was younger, and now, my kids do this, I don't correct them, I even sing it their way when they're not around <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks, I'm honored!

Another awesome resource, I'm looking forward to it.

I'm glad that we can all do this together <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Ditto, EO...mutual admiration society is now in session...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

(((())))

LA

Me too! Well, I'm not dyslexic, I don't think, but I often have trouble understanding song lyrics, and I am perfectly happy to make up my own meaning if I need to -- and to sing my version outloud, even!



I'll add it to my reading list! Which is growing by leaps and bounds... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />



Which reminds me, I have been following that thread, and I wanted to tell you this morning that I think your advice is excellent, and not mean at all, even though I do see where it could be hard to accept. I have gotten a LOT out of it, and I appreciate your thoughtful posts.



Makes perfect sense to me! What a lovely idea. And a bonus is that WE get to learn from YOU even as you are unlearning by sharing with us!

My turn to tell a story? Hm. Let me think. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> This is actually harder than I expected... I'm drawing a blank..

Wait, I think I've got something!

Last summer, my H and I visited my mom's family for a reunion. We arrived at my grandma's house, and there were people everywhere, and we had a pleasant enough evening. Then, we were all making plans to meet up the next day at the zoo. H said he and I would go early and meet everyone when they arrived later, and then my mom asked if she could ride with us.

I froze. Mom is notorious for being late, and H hates tardiness. I felt like everyone in the room was staring at us, waiting to see what we would say. I was certain that saying no meant rejecting Mom in front of the entire family, but saying yes meant making my H mad. I had no idea what to do.

H looked straight at her and said, "Can you be ready at 8 am?" She looked a touch offended (to me, anyway!), but said yes, and he said we'd love for her to join us if she was ready to go by 8.

And I started breathing again.

As we were driving back to our hotel, I mentioned to H that I wanted to go to this particular ice cream stand while we were in town. It was one of my favorite things to do when I visited my grandparents as a kid. But it was late and I didn't know where the place was.

So I tracked my mom down in the hotel parking lot, still half afraid that she would be mad at us for giving her a hard time about being late, to ask her how to find the ice cream. She wasn't mad at all, and my parents ended up going with us. As we stood there together, the four of us smiling at each other over our ice cream cones, I started to see my parents as real people for the first time. As people with their own hurts and struggles, people who were doing the best they could, people who hadn't set out to fail me.

Shortly thereafter, I came to the conclusion that I was miserable in my marriage, and that I was suffering horribly from my H's neglect. It was a while yet before I started realizing that I was the one carrying around all this pain and judgment, and that it was my choice whether to hang on or to set them down. But I believe that seeing my parents in a new light was my first baby step toward seeing my own choices and my own power in my life, and that evening is now a treasured memory for me.

Oooh, me too, me too!!

Here's some admiration from me too!

You're an original founding member, HTBH...you were included in that statement de facto.

LA

Awww, you guys are the BEST! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Wow, Happy, that sounds like me, scared to "make" anyone mad. Isn't it cool not to live with that anymore? Thanks for the story, it really clarifies for me how cool it is where this journey leads <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi EO,

I'd be lying if I said I don't live with it at all anymore, but I sure live with it a lot less than I used to! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> And it IS cool.

So, what about you? Do you have a story to tell us? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Hey EO,

Are you still up?

Happy, I was up, sorry I missed your message. I know I have some good stories, they're just not rising to the surace right now.

Good morning, EO! I wasn't meaning to hassle you about telling me a story, I was just feeling fussy last night and wanted to chat if you were still online. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hope you're well today!