I am going to honestly acknowledge the fact that Kiwi's decision to renew contact put me in a dark place. So I've had to ask myself why. One poster said something like this has nothing to do with anybody but Kiwi. That we BSs should not be triggered by this. That our good will should go out to Kiwi in working through this difficult situation. Too many people are beating her up which isn't doing her any good. Blah, blah, blah! For the record I have always appreciated Kiwi's posts. I'm not part of the Idiotville club and we aren't good friends. I have no feelings of being personally betrayed by her.

So back to moi! Why the huge trigger? As I wrote somewhere over the past few days I was done checking H's e-mails probably within the 1st 6 months after d-day. I realized I wasn't going to live like that. Why be Med if that's how I have to live my life? If H acted suspiciously again I wouldn't be checking his e-mail I'd be speed dialing the best PI in the business. Then hopefully I would say "Adios!" if an A was discovered.

What was so disturbing about this for me is this. If a FWS on MB, who has seen the light and witnessed the utter destruction of these As, could so casually forget about her H's pain after a chance enounter with the OM, how do any of us BSs know our FWSs would behave differently? Witnessing a FWS after all the pain arrange several more meetings and go home at night and do the lie of omition with her H actually caused me to remember my H the lier. He's not a lier anymore, but what a lier he was! Is it something that once you learn to do it's like riding a bike? I am in no way saying that every FWS would fold if they ran into the OP. Are there any FWSs who know without a doubt they would do what my H "claims" he would do? Leave his cart and walk out of the supermarket? We BSs can't control these chance encounters. I know it's going to happen. Will my H remember the pain OW caused all of us and truly feel disgust? Or will he feel excited and want to at least chat with her? I'll never know until the chance encounter occurs, will I? I kind of hope it happens sooner rather than later.

I also think it's ludicrous to think this wouldn't have an effect on this MB community. Affairs have far-reaching effects. After reading all the A books I realized how all the As in H's family effected our M. The quick acceptance of those As by his family, the eventual acceptance of the OP, just made it easier and acceptable for H to do what he did. Every time the media shows a smiling, pregnant Angelina Jolie frolicking in Africa with Brad Pitt another M is undermined. Every time a M is lost due to infidelity it makes us all vulnerable. It fuels the fantasy that a M is all about "As long as we both shall love!" than screw you as soon as the next best person comes along.

I truly hope that Kiwi can dig herself out of this hole. As many have said, "She's only human." As someone who has been a respected member of MB I would really like to know one day how she was able to forget about her H and all the pain caused by her A. Before anyone jumps to the conclusion I'm condemning her, I'm not. I'm just really curious. I'd like to know for me. The person I feel for the most is her H. I am hoping that by now he knows the truth. Too many days, hours, minutes have gone by without him knowing!