So I've been married to my wife since July 04. We did not live together. My wife is complaining that we do not have sex enough that I do not pursue her & in a general sense she feels that I am making her feel undesirable. Objectively speaking, she has a point. I do not pursue as much as she...or really I would like. I do love her and want to be more stimulated by her, but honestly, I feel bored & more than 50% of the time, I cannot "complete" the act. This bothers me but I think it bothers her more. We are sexually out of synch. I've had this completion issue with past women but at the same time, I've been more aggressive pursuing past women. I'm open for "sensual-aids" other "stimulants" etc., but net net, do you kind and learned people of America recommend pursuing sensual aids or jumping straight to a sex therapist? My feeling was to try kink first & then when she's appalled by it, downshifting into professional therapy. We are both very shy in bed together & I personally feel embarrassed and afraid of being judged when talking about it...Is this a common issue with young couples? Penny for your thoughts!

Lots of Q before I want to take a stab at this...

Why do you think this will work? Are you sure you do not have ED? Do you have a history of using pictoral aids? Any particular genre?

Have you spoken to her about this problem? What specifically do you mean by "bored"?

Outside of the br, is she meeting your needs? Are you happy with the R?

Thanks for the response. To your questions:

Q: Why do you think this will work? Are you sure you do not have ED? Do you have a history of using pictoral aids? Any particular genre?

A: I'm not sure anything will work really, but some action I feel is better than no action...Y'know... No harm/no foul in trying new things. Worse thing I think that can happen is she's turned off by it.

A: I'm pretty certain I do not suffer from ED which is the inability to sustain an erection. I can sustain, but rather experience difficulty in climaxing. ie) 50%

A: As far as pictoral aids, no we do not use them together, She is not a porn fan per se., but I do use them on my own time & descretion. No partcular genre really. I'm thinking maybe that might contribute to the problem in that it sets the bar pretty high in the sack. I'm trying to convert fantasy into reality and becoming disappointed with the results...

A: We've spoken to an extent about the inability to climax with more regularity, but I've prefaced by stating that this is NOT a new occurance that is NOT specific to her, but rather something I've experienced with past partners to some extent or another. Generally speaking, we have not drilled into the subject with great granularity.

A: By bored I mean the sex has become pretty routine and predictable. I'll spare the details but it feels like the same crackers. Ergo: the opposite of a hit porn cinematic experience. I attempted to "direct" her early, early on in our relationship. It was met with "Don't tell me what to do..." She'll never make a good porn star with that attitude.

A: Outside of the BR, everything is peaches. Really a dynamite situation. No complaints.

You may want to post in the "emotional needs" section. That section gets more traffic... When you do, I'll respond to your latest reply there...

Drop the porn for three months and see what happens.

No masterbation either.

You can become trained to only come by that stimulation.

I agree, post in the EN section of the board, much more traffic there.

Assuming that you are not seriously ill where you'd need medical help, and assuming that you are not just getting old, a couple of suggestions on completion:
(1) More foreplay! The longer that she can tease you, the easier you'll come.
(2) Lay off masturbation prior to sex. It may be couple of hours, or days.
(3) Avoid alcohol prior to sex.
(4) Check the side effects label on any medication that you are taking.
(5) Don't stress about climaxing. The more you worry about it, the worse you'll be.

Good luck!