I got to thinking today about all the stuff I THINK the OM has given my W. This was because last-night/this-morning she was wearing a new, sexy, satiny pair of jammy bottoms from VS that I certainly hadn't given her. (She was wearing a t-shirt on top because, I think, she figured the full effect would have been too much for me to take and she was probably right.) She didn't even bother to tell me that she'd bought them herself. When I asked her if those were new and from VS, she just said, "Yes." Well, you can guess who I figured they came from, because they sure weren't from me, and because she hasn't seduced me in I don't know how long, and if a woman really does buy stuff like that for herself it's because she IS going to seduce her man. Then I started thinking of all the other stuff I THINK he's given her:<P>1) Jade cobra necklace and matching jade cobra-head earrings. (These are stunners. The guy's got taste, I have to say.)<P>2) 1 pair really slutty garter-belt style panty hose (no crotch, just waist and legs) which I know she wears, but, again, not for ME.<P>3) Many, many thong bikini panties from VS. (Bill Clinton, eat your heart out!)<P>4) Set of small bronze statues from Greece, one of which has an enormous erection. (You Christians out there will love this one!) This statue stands on the window sill in our bathroom and she hangs her wedding and engagement rings on his dinkus at night and also hangs -<P>5) A silver necklace with a five-pointed star pendant which she wears most of her waking hours and rubs with her fingers a lot. Says its from her daughter but given how much she seems to like it wear it - NOT!<P>Of course, I can't PROVE any of this stuff is from him. And, in fact, she tells me all of it is either stuff she bought herself (statues, VS stuff) or some family member or friend gave her. But I feel I've got a 6th sense about what HE gives her vrs. all other stuff. Whenever I see something he's given her, I know, and I go BALLISTIC inside. She twists the knife by wearing his jewelry when we go out. What are other cheatee's experiences in regard to gifts from OP?<P>--Wex

All the OP has given my W has been bad habits! I guess I shouldn't complain huh? Well I guess he did give her that little extra something that I can hardly wait the nine months to see. I just pray God does a miracle on my heart before then. (sorry if I sound synical)

Wex<BR>Did you hear the story aabout the shirt the OW made for my H??<BR>It "accidentally" got ripped in the washer.<BR>I tore it up into little pieces and used it daily to clean the litter box.<BR>I had him throw some other things out. <BR>Yes Wex these things hurt a lot. And I really do believe we sometimes have a sixth sense. I know I did. <BR>Don't dwell on the possibilities too much. It will only hurt you.<BR>Maybe you might want to do her laundry sometime. <BR>

Wex,<BR>Being the dense, trusting, ignorant fool I was, I didn't know at the time that the extra bottles of mens cologne were gifts. My H is a cologne freak so, having bought him so many, I really didn't notice a new one here or there. When I knew what was happening, and realized where these extra bottles had come from,,they all were dumped out. Believe me,,you could smell our house from a mile away!!!!!!!

Ah, the gifts!!!!!<P>Clothes were the trend with my H's laydies.....<P>Tommy Hilfinger this...Tommy Hilfinger that!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!<P>He tried to pass it off that he bought them.....my H hasn't bought clothes by himself since I've known him!!!<P>He wears Lee Jeans and Pocket T's....with a flannel on top in the winter.....sweatshirts were winter dress up!!<P>Please!!!!!!<P>The best gift...the one I got the biggest kick out of....Sweatpants from......now get this -<P>THE DISNEY STORE !!!!<P>Yeah, Hon....you shop there often!!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

Wex,<BR>gather that stuff up, and take it to the counselors next time. dump it out on the table and ask her where it was bought and when, and how it was paid for. Bring credit card statements and checks returned from the bank. <BR>show that counselor you KNOW what you are talking about. might save money on pi bills. how is the vor in the jacket doing?<BR>M4B

Well I can certainly add something to this for sure!!! My husband carried around a bloodstone for four years. He would empty his pockets and put it on the table everynight and nearly threatened my life one day when it came up missing. When I finally threw it out, he tried to tell me that whomever discards the bloodstone will be doomed for life. PA-LEESE. The bloodstone was suppose to protect him (from me??) I was just wondering what was suppose to protect him for her?<P>Also, that sixth sense is definitely for real. Of course, this woman bought the most butt ugly shirts for him so they did kind of stand out without using the sixth sense.<P>Another good one was the model BMW that hung around here any my cleaning lady dusted for four years. When he fessed up, he voluntarily threw it in the trash to prove something to me and then waited until he thought I was not around and dug it back out of the trash!!!!!! Well, I guess he underestimated me because I of course had planned on monitoring that one until the garbage men came the next day.<P>I could go on and on but I certainly do know what you mean but what bothers me more is the gifts he bought her!!!!!!<P>I swear people are so darn pathetic when they are having affairs. I personally prefer reality even as harsh as it can be rather than la la land where all dreams and fantasies appear to come true. <P>Take Care

Carlysue,<BR> About that model BMW....after he threw it in the trash, I would have then turned the knob on the trash compactor!!! LOL!

Hi Wexwell,<P>Had some thoughts and questions about your situation while I was reading your post.<P>See if I understand this right?<P>Fact...<BR>You and your wife are still living together, going through the motions of working to improve your marriage by attending a counselor. Right?<P>To me this indicates some sort of commitment exists between you to make your lives together as happy as possible.<P>Assumption.. You believe that your wife is having an affair or has had an affair about which she is not admitting.<P>Assumption.. You believe she has lots of unusual items in her possession that you believe the OM gave her.<P>Conclusion.. If these two assumptions are true, then the fact of your attending a counselor together is a farce.<P>How about turning the tables on your assumptions. Use the fact that you are attending counseling together as a positive thing. Let go you your fears and work on expressing the love you have for her. Spend more time filling up her love bank than trying to prove her deceit. If "he" gave her jewelery or not is not important as it cannot be proven unless she confesses. If you give her jewelery can be proven. Have you given her any lately. If she is wearing thong panties and other sexy stuff, assume it is for YOU and react accordingly. Force yourself. She is your wife and if she denies having an affair, then those sexy things can only be for you. Even if she resists your advances, keep making them. Little steps at first, but don't give up. Live your life with her as if your only goal is to show your love for her. Play with her. Go out and buy her somemore sexy things. Buy yourself some sexy things! Parade around in them. Have a friend take a picture of you in some sexy man thing, and give it to her. Do the unexpected! <P>The only facts you KNOW for sure is that you are still living together, she has agreed to try to improve the situation between you by going to a counselor with you. Use those facts as excuses to show outrageous examples of your love for her. <P>About the statue...<BR>Can you find one of those fertility woman statues, you know the ones with big, drooping boobies, and a rounded belly, to give her to put beside the penis guy? She must know your suspicions about where it came from. Throw her a curve ball and she can only react accordingly.<P>As I really don't really know how U 2 are relating to each other at this point in your marriage, the above advise may be way out in left field. I just thought it could not hurt to make these suggestions.

Yep - the gifts to/from the op still burn me too. I think the worst was during the affair about which I was clueless my H had me go shopping to buy the op a real nice birthday gift because she "had been so nice" to him at work - he said she "made him look good, bailed him out etc". I shopped for the perfect gift for him to give to her to please him and then I wrapped it especially nice. He still thinks this was no big deal! The gifts she gave him I have removed from our home - off to goodwill. I didn't tell him I was getting rid of them and he hasn't said a word about it. Guess he doesn't want to touch this one.

Wex of course those things hurt and eventually will have to go. Right now you have too much other stuff to work on. From what I've read on this board if you two can keep making positive progress eventually it will be your wife who will want to get rid of his stuff. In the mean time don't even mention it unless you are in one of those honest feelings discussions

awoken - Actually, I haven't told her that I think all these things are from her OM. One thing that made me suspicious though is that these are the things she's MADE A POINT of telling me where they came from, without me asking. I think I would have been less suspicious if she hadn't said anything!<P>Simone - Yeah, it sometimes becomes a matter of his gifts vrs. my gifts. Which does she favor? Usually his! My W and I exchanged gifts as part of our wedding ceremony and mine to her was a pair of pearl-drop earrings. So guess what? She wanted to exchange them afterwards! I guess that's not so bad, but I damned well know that if her OM had given them to her, she would have worn them every time she went out!<P>PW - Thanks for your very thoughtful response and wise suggestions. I think you have a very good point about our commitment to each other. We are still committed to each other (I think) and trying to make our marriage work. But in fact, knowing as I do that she's having an affair (this is not an assumption or guessing on my part - I've SEEN her with the OM and have other solid evidence too), I do think our couples counseling has been a farce, because her affair is what's wrecking our marriage and we're just not dealing with this issue in a realistic way. The counseling has helped some but hasn't done much in the way of resolving this basic issue. It's occurred to me to try things like you suggest, give her sexy gifts, surprise her, behave like I'm the one she's bought the sexy things for, etc. The plain fact is, I guess I'm just so discouraged by the whole situation, I've haven't got the verve to try this. About a month ago, I'd been doing my damndest for the previous couple of months to please her, do everything she wanted, avoid lovebusters and so on. And she's told me how nice this was. But what discouraged me was that ALL THIS DIDN'T SEEM TO MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE! We even took a romantic holiday over the Labor Day weekend and I thought maybe this was going to bring the romance back but it didn't. After a day of romantic activities and a great dinner, we went back to the inn where we were staying, stood outside and looked up at the stars together, and then went in and made love. While we were making love, it became clear to me that she was bored by the whole thing and had no real sexual interest in me any more (a man can tell these things, you know - and she used to have, so I know what to look for). At that point, I gave up. I'd been busting my tail trying to please her and bring back the romance, and I got this in response. (Whine, whine.)<P>carlysue, sweetpea - Like the idea of compacting the OP's gifts! And that just gave me another idea, which I may actually do. Gather them all together in a pile, just to make the point that you know they're from the same person and you know who that is. Yep, I may do that!<P>M4B - In fact, I did confront W at our last counseling session with the fact that I'd seen her in OM's car. I think our therapist thought I was making this up, that's how ridiculous these sessions have gotten. So if I brought OM's gifts in, I don't know if that would really make much of a difference. Our therapist himself did also suggest that I hire a P.I. and I'm inclined to agree! As to the recorder in the coat lining, I'm still thinking about that one.<P>Sheba - LOL! Thanks for sharing your story. My clincher is the statues. In addition to the litte guy with the big pecker, there are four or five others. I know she didn't have them when we started going together (they didn't really show up until about a year after our marriage) and SHE HASN'T BEEN TO GREECE for a long, long time, certainly not since I've known her!<P>Nerlycrzy - It is truly amazing how we allow ourselves to be fooled because we love someone.<P>WS - Yes, I have thought of doing strange and interesting things to her sexy undies (and to the statue) but have restrained myself!<P>Paul - That's so sad. I really feel for you in that situation. That is the kind of gift that worse than anything I've had to put up with. I don't know what I'd do in that situation.<P>--Wex<P>

I'm a good seamstress...... Remember?<P>If you need help sewing that vor in the lining, let me know.....<P>

Wex, you've been wanting proof or evidence. If you know when she bought them....then check the credit card bills! NO WAY would she use cash....<P>------------------<BR>

SH - You know, I didn't think of that! I have looked over her credit card bills (know where she keeps them) for evidence but didn't think to look specifically for stuff she says she's bought for herself. (She ALWAYS uses the card, I know, never cash.) I am certainly going to look for those pyjamas on the current and previous bills. (When she showed me the top last night, I knew she hadn't bought them herself! She would have bought ones with a top she could actually SLEEP in!)<P>Mrs. M4B - I really am seriously thinking of doing this when it gets colder. I'll have to spring for $150-200 for one of those mini-jobs, but if/when I do, I'll definitely need your assistance! BTW, love your online handle!<P>--Wex

Wex,<P>I think I would drop the statue by mistake and make sure the thing gets broken off. Then there will be no place for her to hang the wedding rings when she is angry either. I am sure you can make it a mistake if you try hard enough. After all everything has to be dusted.<P>I made my husband return one of her gifts...the other is only partial payment on a snow boarding jacket. Equals about a 5th of the cost. He won't return it to her...let me buy her a gift certificate equal to that amount and send it to her. I bought him snow boarding pants to replace the ones he returned to her. I intend someday to be able to afford to replace the jacket too and then I will rip it up and send it to her. Maybe???? Not sure. I do think before the next six months pass I will send her the gift certificate. Maybe on the year anniversary of discovery in February. <P>Yes, the gifts burn me up and they are a reminder of something I can't get off my mind anyway. <P>My only real advise is...look forward and turn your head to these gifts. Although I would still break the darned statue's thing off. <P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

What bothers me is the gifts she has given to my kids. Many of them are officially from one of her kids, but I doubt that her 11 year old ran out and bought a thirty dollar computer game. The worst part is I can't ask the kids to get rid of them - but it tears my heart out when the seven year old appears with her bedtime story and the stuffed animal she got from her (technically from her teenage daughter).

Hey, Wex!<BR> How about having a lil' fun with that statue? Like clipping a clothespin on that appendage (I can just hear you guys saying, "OUCH!!" ). Or, put a condom on it. I'm sure you can think of something!

I really like the ideas that Pilots wife had, and that is what I call a customized:<P>PREDISCLOSURE PLAN A<P>It worked real well for me - at least for a while, ......<P>M4B

How bout the cost of such gifts????<P>My H got a gift worth over $5000 dollars, and here I am trying to take care of a family and I have to live with that crapppppppp.... Id like him to sell it and pay some of our bills, then I would think he cares...<P>Sooooo, whats the most expensive gift you have had to deal with???? and did it sit in the middle of your living room ever.... I think H would give me up before that gift!<P>cozy