My 3 yr old son just got back last night from a weekend at Daddy's. From our conversation, it seems like H brought him around OW's family. I don't know what to do. Should I say something to H or just keep quiet about it? <P>I will be letting H take our 4 mos old for visitation for the 1st time. I don't want OW around him let alone her family.<P>I think this is all too confusing for our older son. What do you think?<P>Also, since he will be taking the baby on the weekly visitation, do I keep supplying all the diapers, formula & food or should I do it once and then tell him what to have on hand at his apt?<BR>

This is tough because you are not divorced yet. You most certainly could talk with him about the OW and her family but the reality is that once your divorced you have very little say about his visitation time. The diaper thing etc...Well at least in the state I live in, child support is suppose to cover that stuff for the kids and you are legally responsible to send clothes, diapers etc...for their visits. That is of course if your the one with physical custody most of the time. 50/50 is different. Look at it this way, if you didn't do it you'd have no guarantee that your son had the proper things to keep him comfortable while with dad.

I don't think your out of line not wanting YOUR kids around OW and her family. And I do know that it is NOT recomended by child psychologists. Have you tried talking to your H? Would he be willing to get a professional opinion on the subject?<P>I don't know from a legal standpoint about the diapers, etc. but if he has the baby for a week at a time, I would think he should be paying the expenses. I guess it does depend on the child support issue some. I too agree with Bonnie about worring if he has what he needs. If you think he'll do without if you don't buy it, then buy it.<P>Sounds like a hard situation for you and your children. I am sorry you have to go through this, but I will keep you in my prayers.<P>------------------<BR>Shoni<P><BR>

I don't know about you - but when this whole thing started with me - I did threaten my husband that if he brought the kids around her I would make things very difficult. I know this is tough if you are working in Plan A - but I put it to my husband this way - your time I have no control over - but our children are little and confused about daddy not being home - being around her and the other family is just going to bring more confusion to the child and him not understanding what is going on. So express the concern more for the childs sake that until things have been decided one way or another you would greatly appreciate him leaving the children out of it and keeping them away from her - after all they are "our" children and we need to make good decisions as parents. That way it makes you look like you are extremely concerned (which I am sure you are and should be) for the childrens benefit than your own. The next step would be to talk to an attorney about seperation agreement or a custody agreement which doesn't finalize a divorce but sets the ground rules for your protection.<P>Good Luck --& God Bless you and your babies! <BR>

Jackie - I agree with csco and Shoni on this one. confusion upon confusion is just not healthy for little kids and i made the same sort of "friendly" threat to my H through our multiple separations. He agreed and also does not want to do anything to p*ss me off (well - beyond what he has done already).<P>I think you should be able to come to some mature agreement about this as parents, as well as about the baby "necessities". We were able to and it is the one aspect of our looming divorce that I am comfortable with - that we are both mature enough to keep the kids interests at the forefront.<P>Good luck - sorry you are in this situation, let alone your kids. stay strong,<BR>Starpony

I have been told my an attorney that I can't do anything about my H bringing the kids over to sleep over at the OW's house, that the courts in this state regard morality as irrelevant. He told me today that they had bought beds for them. And he says that he made a mistake marrying ME.<BR>