Well here is my story.

I had been married for about 2 1/2 years after dating for about 2 years.

About exactly 1 year ago we started building a house where my wife wanted to build on my family's land. We had our issues which stemed from both of us. She worked to many part time jobs and I did not take her places (some times because I did not know if she would be working somewhere on her days/nights off). Around late Oct early Nov. my wife asked me how I felt about her changing her church membership to my church. I told her I would love that. Then about the same time she asked me at our house under construction if we could start having babies or at least try. I told her that would be fine. Then just al of the sudden she started showing distance. When she would be at home at night she would sleep all balled up. I had gotten very lazy and did not show her all that much attention and would stay on the computer to much (to get back at her comments). She got to the point when she did not want to do anything dealing with the new house. She had been doing everything I mean everything. Then it happened.

One night after she got off work in mid Dec. she sat me down on our bed and told me that she loved me but was not in love with me anymore. She stayed on the couch for about 3 or 4 weeks but started not coming straight home from work and not calling (that was not her). The holidays just sucked no other way to put it. After the new year one night I had a class and she had went to her parients to get supper nothing unusual about that but when she was not home at 10 pm and then 11 pm I got mad and went to look for her. I really already knew where she was at work seeing a new found best "friend". The next morning when we were getting ready for work I started a fight. It ended that evening with her leaving and not coming back.

When she first left she stayed at her mom and dads for about a month then she got an apartment. During this time I could never get over my anger and she also knew what buttons to push to make me look like the bad guy. She started going to places with people she did not like before because she did not like people that cheated. One night she went out with the guys from work and was all over her new best "friend" and he has not been home since. They started doing everything together all the time. She started to switch shift so they could work together. It was almost all the time. They started going to the same places to drink all the time and she was really not a drinker until now.

The wife of the OM called one night and we talked for hours about if we thought if they were together. We knew the true answer. We compared answers and we really knew it then. I can carry on a conversation with my wife and not have confrontation but the OM wife can not and my wife has never really liked her for some reason even before this. Everyone that works around us knows what is going on but will not admit it and neither will they. Exposure is not really working because everyone seems to think it is ok. The only type of exposure that has happened is that they can no longer work together because of a work policy of people in a close relationship can not work together. They got caught kissing when out and the OM wife found out and told him that he had to tell the manager that they were together.

My wife's dad is a minister and he has really not got involved because he does not want to lose his baby girl. He does not like what she is doing but will not do any thing about it (weak parent). We have had periods of good phone conversations (her calling 4 and 5 times a day) I have not got to see her new place yet. I have tried to go to plan B or dark but until last night I was worried that she would be mad and not be there to sign the papers for our home loan that is in limbo. I got my seperation papers last night and we had very good conversation over supper and then for about an hour and 1/2 after the meal was over. Almost forgot she went and bought her a new mustang last week. What does anyone think about my chances ? and what would be my best next step? Will the house that she still cries about when it gets done make a difference?

WW 24
BS 31
No kids
Married 2.5 yrs
seperated 1/7/06

What is the OM's wife's plan? Are they living together? Do they have kids? Since you and OMW are already communicating, that will be a big help to you.

You talked about plan B, but have you done a good plan A? Are you familar with the game plan?

Who has filed papers? Cover your butt legally speaking, but make it very clear that any legal action is only to protect your future and that you are not interested in divorce.

Married for 2 years?
No children involved?
Problem started just after a year into the M?

My advice: walk away. I know that this is a M-building site, but the first few years of marriage are supposed to be the "honeymoon" years, when you are both supposed to be givers in the M. That she's doing this so early into your M suggests that it might be best to just walk away now, before there are any children are involved and even more lives are adversely affected.

Walk away and be thankful this happened now rather than years into your M when there will likely be children involved and you likely have a significant amount of shared assets, which might make the choice to stay or to go considerably more difficult to live with.

Justwokeup,

I was with my (now ex) WH for several years before we M'd because we were young. He also started to act out & have an A not long after our M. We didn't have any children.

I realize that you still love your W and want to save your M. I understand. Recovery is very, very hard, even if both spouses are willing to do "whatever it takes for as long as it takes" to recover the M. If one spouse is not willing, or if you don't have a strong motivator like children to get you through extremely dark days, then it can be harder.

MIM's advice echoes what Mr. Harley said when I called him for counseling. He said with short-term M's that have no children involved, he is less optimistic and has "less energy" to devote to trying to help work things out, but he also said that when my WH was willing to do what it takes to help recover the M, then he would start by working w/ my H to learn how to protect his weaknesses, set his own boundaries and control his impulses. I counseled with him a few more times because I had to do everything possible to save my M for my own peace of mind. The decision is yours.

You may want to call into the radio station to talk to the Harleys about your situation -- the call is free & worth it.

I just want to tell everyone thanks for your input and I realize the more than what I want to that that is what will happen. I hope that he (the greener grass) will soon turn brown and boring. I have become more active and she thinks that I have become alot more active than what I really have. I now do things instead of just wondering what it would be like to be doing them (a problem she had with me). I am going dark and actually feeling good about it for some reason after we went out to eat to get the papers from her. I do understand that there is not much to go on but for now I still pray about both of us.