First, sorry to everyone for this long one, but some things happened today that have left me a bit confused.

Ok, there have been several of you ultra supportive MB’s that have been following me and my “saga” very loyally in the last week. Through all the ups and downs, you guys have been there for me and I appreciate it. Well now I have another small bump and I’m not quite sure what to think of it and how to readjust accordingly. So I guess I need a little help…

You might remember that my plan was to confront my WH this Friday morning in our MC session. He was supposed to get back from Japan on Thursday afternoon. I have been on this site daily and studying “Surviving an Affair” trying to get ready for this and for a fight to save my marriage.

Move forward to this morning, but first take a glance into the past. Before this A, my WH would give me his itinerary, hotel, emergency phone numbers, etc. when he left on a business trip. I always knew exactly where he was going to be and how to get a hold of him. Right around the time that I believe the A started, all this information disappeared. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, but after realizing he was having the A with the OW, I realized the reason I didn’t get that information (in spite of asking for it) was because the itinerary was different from what he was telling me. He’d sneak back into the country a few days early to spend time alone with her.

All of a sudden, when he left on this business trip, he sent me his itinerary and hotel information. He wrote me when he landed in Japan. This morning I got an e-mail letting me know that he thought things were right on schedule and he’d be home on time.

Fast forward to this evening - Got home from work and there was an e-mail from WH. Apparently his work plans changed and he’ll be getting home on Friday afternoon instead of Thursday afternoon. My first thought was immediately that he was conveniently changing plans so he could sneak back into the US and spend a day with OW. So, being smart, I logged in to the travel agent’s Web site to confirm his itinerary. Good news is, he’s telling me the truth this time – I could see on the travel agent’s Web site where his original flight home was and where it was cancelled and changed to a day later. So I believe him on this one. But I now have a few things popping up in my head:

A. I’m confused about the information he’s now providing me willingly. Like I said, when things were good between us, I had all sorts of information. Then this A started and all of that stopped. He’s almost acting “normal?” towards me. I’m just not sure what to make of his change in behavior.

B. Now my plan for confrontation has changed. He won’t be home until about 3pm, so he’ll have missed our MC session so it looks like this will have to happen at home on Friday afternoon or evening. I guess I’m not sure what to think – I was comfortable with the idea that our MC would be right there to help us through this, now it will be just me and WH.

Plus, now exposing him, should that be necessary, will be a bit different. I had figured on confronting him and then since our session is first thing in the morning, the likelihood was that he’d head off to work to be near her if he didn’t agree to NC. So I was going to be at home (alone, thank goodness – I work from home on Fridays) and could expose him then with no problems and having the power of surprise on my side. Now, the possibility is that I’ll confront and he’ll be home, so I don’t feel like I can go into “exposure mode” with him in the house and still keep the element of surprise.

Will exposing him lose its effect if I wait a week after confrontation so I’m home without him being around and have some privacy to take care of this??? And, what are the benefits to me confronting him at home instead of in our MC session?

Also, just a note, in light of all this, I intend to go to MC session alone and talk to the counselor about all this - I think it will be helpful despite the fact I won't be confronting H like I thought.

It might be just fine to confront him at home. I was a little afraid that he would feel so guilty in front of the counselor that he would walk out.

Is there any possibility the OW could be with him on this trip?

I'm not entirely sure I understand all the dynamics here but in general terms, a short delay isn't going to hurt. You'll confront him Friday when he gets home, right? You anticipate he isn't going to give everything up and you're wondering when to expose to those on your list? You feel like you need him away from the home while you do?

If that's correct, play it by ear. There's a possibility/probability, he'll jump in his car and go somewhere just to get away from his problems on Saturday or Sunday. Alternately, how about a schedule change on Monday? Can you work from home that day instead of next Friday? Or...can you take lunch plus a couple hours vacation time to go home and take care of things?

Believer,
I don't think she's with him, OW is just the office manager, my WH works in a very high tech industry. The e-mails I have suggest that noone at work is aware this is going on. I think it would really look weird to the other employees if she went with him. WH's immediate supervisor is also a devout Christian man with a family of his own, I'm pretty sure if he felt there was anything going on that was inappropriate, he would have already done something about it. So no - I don't think there's any chance she's there.

Guess now I only have to worry about him walking out of the house - oh well...he can't avoid me forever.

Longhorn, basically I'd need to wait 1 week on exposing him. Honestly, I'm hoping he agrees to NC and I don't have to get to exposure, but I'm preparing myself just in case - I really believe I'll get more of an "I don't know what I want" response. This is the same man who, right in the middle of all this looked at me and said he was trying to figure out what reality was, so I think my "poor" WH is so confused he won't know what he wants. So I'm just anticiapting that exposure will be necessary.

My reasons for wanting him out of the house when I do this is only because I think he'll try to talk me out of it if he realizes what I'm doing. Mostly I worry that if he knows I'm doing it that I might get a fake agreement to NC just to stop exposure.

WH and I commute together to work, so leaving early won't be so easy...I could probably take a long lunch break though to take care of business.

I guess these are crazy things to worry about...it just threw me off a bit!

Heck, just be loose and flexible. If the opportunity presents, do exposure sooner. If it doesn't, it'll keep until next Friday. You aren't the type to put it off because of trepidation and that's what a lot of us MB folks would be concerned about.

No, no worries here, I'll definitely go to exposure if the situation justifies it. I just know my husband and I just think while he's in this fog that if he knew I was going to do it, he'd either try and talk me out of it or just agree to NC just to get me not to do it. Best he's no where near when I do it.

Amazingly enough, it was WH who taught me that I am a strong person and not to let anyone stop me from doing what I think is right. Bet he never thought teaching me and bringing that out in me would be used against him, so to speak.

I'll play it by ear and put exposure to work at the earliest and best opportunity.