Wh tells me today (and I think it is important to mention that the D is anyday now, and I am okay with it as much as I can be for anyone who does not know me) that he needs me to support him in his church-going and not be negative.

The negative he is referring to is the fact that I commented on how he and OW are going together and trying to get involved. I said something along the lines of how I thought sitting with your affair partner might cloud your worship a bit.

He says that I am always the first to cast a stone at him and I need to reread Mathew, as I am a sinner the same. I said I know I am and I am not being judegemental--just calling it like it is. He then went on to say that I am just jealous of OW,etc, but that's off topic here.

So, because I dissaprove of the whole relationship they have, even AFTER we are divorced, he seems to think I am being judgemenatal and judging him because I have a problem with them. He says we are divorced in his mind since the baby was born (that's a new time frame btw--he changes it frequently). That they are free to have a relationship, and that it will be blessed because they are seeking God together.

So, I guess what I am asking is--what would you say when he says you're being judgemental? Casting stones?

i know I am not perfect, I have never professed to be. I know he is deep in affairland and himselfland, and he has to say what allows him to live with his actions....

Maybe some good reverse babble here? What would you say?

Let him know you have friends willing to send some boulders out your way..... interested in lava rock? They are light but scratch real good. LOL!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

What a piece of crock he's spewing. What God does he worship that allows an A in his presence?

L.

Well, of course you're "judgmental." God expects you to "judge" right from wrong and know that adultery is wrong. Our prisons are full of people who can't judge right from and wrong and that is exactly where they belong.

manipulation.

he simply wants you, and everyone else to "be nice" to him and OW.

and it works.

nobody seems to call him on it.

if he ever was forced to face what he's actually doing, if he felt shame for what he's done, if his affair was not accepted, if SOMEONE in his world stopped buying into his crap and actually CONFRONTED him in anger -- he might begin to feel the emotions he SHOULD be feeling.

isn't there a leader of that church who would tell him how WRONG this is??????

Intexas,

A few weeks ago in church, our pastor gave a sermon entitled Yank the Plank. It referred to a verse in the Bible that spoke about judgement. Forgive me that I do not know the verse--I will have to try to find it--but it was something like, Remove the plank from your own eye, before trying to remove a splinter in someone else's...Basically, the same as casting stones. He is trying to justify his behavior by calling you a sinner.

Your H is still trying to justify his A. There are plenty of verses regarding adultery. I agree with Lexxxy--it is manipulation...

Intexas,

You are not casting stones or judging him, you are lovingly pointing out that he is not following God's commands because you care about him and his soul.

Here's a great Bible verse for you - consider sending it to him along w/ an adultery & divorce verse. The verse below basically says (1) you should lovingly point out when someone is sinning; and (2) God is not a fool, he has made it clear that adultery and sexual immorality are NOT ok and getting a divorce or going to church together will not change God's mind -- "God cannot be mocked." Gal 6:7

Galatians 6
1 Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. ... 2 Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. 3 If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. ...

7 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. 8 The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. 9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

Your WH has a bad case of fog, entitlement & rewriting history - he's even rewriting the Bible. Stay strong - you're doing an amazing job!

p.s. My xWH also kept changing timelines, it's part of the fog/attempt to escape guilt and it may also tell you when the A really started. I kept a great calendar and even marked things to public events, so that I could refute his version of history and prove that he had been leading 2 lives and was very deceitful. Denial and guilt avoidance are powerful things and I wish I understood them better.

intexas..

why not just ask...

"why would you be concerned about what I think of your actions and choices...you are divorcing me?"

oh yeah...

batt those eyes inquisitically...

ARK

* ding * ding *

ARKIE wins the prize for

BEST RESPONSE

garbage in = garbage out

he's spewing garbage because that's what's nourished him during his affair

Pep

Well, really the only people he has who agree with him, or are rather not looking down on his actions, are OW, one old friend, and the people where he works. He no longer speaks with family, friends, etc.
I have remained as civil as possible--initially part of plan A, now for the sake of the boys.
But I have never said I agreed with this (obviously) but have also never approached him in anger. Maybe that would have helped...I don't know.

I don't think he will feel the emotions he needs to feel until he can no longer run. And i don't know how long that will be. Part of me does not know who he is...or ever was.

Thanks for the input everyone.

ah....the whole revisionist theories....the WS revisionist versions of everything...INCLUDING THE BIBLE...

it's just their mantra. CONVINCE everybody well enough that they are doing the right thing, the good thing, and MAYBE THEIR CONSCIENCE WILL BE CONVINCED AS WELL someday...

but I think not.

my xh used to tell me we were already divorced too...well before the actual divorce was final...why? to make it ok that he was living with the ow and that she was preggers. made it all ok in his book. funny thing though...he doesn't go to church anymore. hasn't really since meeting her.

it is sad when they rewrite everything. but remember...as LONG AS YOU KNOW THE TRUTH...DECLARE THE TRUTH...AND NEVER FORGET THE TRUTH...they can never win. the fog never wins.

when my xh used to spew the following: "she *(ow now wifey) makes me soooo much happier than you ever did. she's my soulmate (bleech), best friend, and we have an incredible relationship. You must get used to this b/c it's the right thing to do (yea really xh?). Our marriage was never meant to be (wtf does that mean?). Just be happy for me (THAT IS KEY FOR HIM AND HIS WS CONSCIENCE TO LIVE IN PEACE)and ACCEPT IT (WHAT HE IS REALLY AFTER).

Me? What would I say? Last summer here's what I said to Darth:

"Well Darth...I can truly accept your AFFAIR MARRIAGE (or call it your affair relationship...whatever it is LABEL IT WITH WORD AFFAIR IN FRONT OF IT TO DE-LEGITIMIZE IT)and it's legallity. But it's not right, and I seriously wonder how you could even find a minister to perform the vows. If she's your soulmate, make sure you're both soooo happy. Why'd you move out twice if you're so happy? Why a girlfriend? Ooops? did I say you had a girlfriend?" Now Darth, I sure hope that it is YOU who are OK with ME DOING THE MOVING ON NOW SINCE I'VE ACCEPTED EVERYTHING. You ok with that? Huh? Didn't catch that."

I spun it right back to him. he never ever believed I'd hit him with a truth 2x4 straight in the kisser like that one.

Just tell truth and say it gently when wielding the sword of truth...which incidentally always pierces the most solid of lies....and can break thru fog every time. Just shed light. Say the truth. They hate the truth...like in the exorcist when they'd try to sprinkle holy water on Linda Blair...the demon spews pea soup, yells, calls names, and says lies upon lies! Imho...WS are infested with those darn demon thingies.

You might also tell WS that Satan is an angel. He was once one of God's brightest. And that he can lie, and tell lies so convincing that one can BELIEVE THEY ARE DOING GODS' WILL. Send to the idiot the verses about hot coals heaping on ones' lap...and the part about the animal going to the slaughter when they go to the home of the adulteress. Say "Sorry Ws....OUR GOD IS PRETTY CLEAR ON THIS ONE...who are YOU REALLY TRYING TO CONVINCE? IT'S NOT WORKING WITH ME DEAR. NO STONES HERE. JUST STONE COLD TRUTH BABY."

You might want to suggest he and his ho do a bible study on adultery. See how he takes that. It's ain't pretty for unrepentant adulterors.

I have to ask an obvious question...do the leaders of this church KNOW the situation? If so, they are doing an incredible disservice to their flock by allowing such filth to infect their church pews. Utterly and horribly disgusting blasphemy. Oh, how I wish I could remember the book/chapter/verse that recorded the demise of adulterers who were using the house of God to engage in their adulterous acts. I seem to remember an example being made to the entire nation of Israel that such behavior, a slap in the face of God, would NOT be tolerated in their number. Too bad church leaders today don't have the.....yeah......fortitude to stand up in the face of sin when it walks in the door and plants itself within the fellowship, stained with ongoing sin.

Pathetic.

Haven't been on here for a bit, but wanted to answer the questions asked since you all took the time to post to me.

I don't think the leaders of the church know--would be quite surprised if they did. And I can't tell them, because I have no earthly clue what church they are going to. It's in a town that is a HUGE college town here in TX and is like 1.5 hours from where I live, but is where OW lives now. He says they are in a discipleship class together.

Um, yeah.

I am learning so well to distance myself from him. (I say "him" because I am not sure what to call him now. I feel so dysfunctional saying my ex, or XH, etc. --i need a cool name like peach has like darth and jethro, etc. Who was it that suggested [censored]--Orchid--was that you? maybe I'll go with that!)

OOoops. Got off topic.

Anyway, thanks again for all the input on this. If [censored] does ever bring that casting stones comment up, I feel a little better armed for the MB militia here! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Why not find out where he goes to church? And then let the pastor know that open adultery is going on in the congragation. If the church truly follows Christ, then things should become VERY uncomfortable for your WH and the OW!!

In His arms.

I'll have to disagree with MM here on revealing the hypocrites in their church.

Reason: you said the D is any day now.

Further affair-disruptive acts by you are moot and serve only to help you feel "right." You don't need it. Let them attempt survival in that environment with their hypocrisy on their own. If they "discover" their hypocrisy eventually, good. Your help would be vengeful. Stay above this.

JMHO

WAT

Oh, I dont say to revel to the church in order to save the marriage. I say reveal because as a Christian, it is your duty. Otherwise, not revealing is condoning.

If I knew of a couple in my church that was in an affair, I would approach them. If they did not take care of it, then I would be bound to take it to the pastor.

It isnt vengeful to report it to the pastor. My wife while I was in Bosnia, tried to normalize things with the Troll by taking her to a new church. when I got back and found out about the affair, I immediately notified that pastor, even though I didnt go to that church.

It is the duty of a Christian to do so. Added to tha fact that legally, you are still married. And according to Scripture, you are still married. You are either married or you are not.

In His arms.