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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 14
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 14 |
Wow!! So much has happened. WS comes home Tuesday and we have a LONG talk. One of the things we talk about is our sex life. He admits to me he has a porn addiction. I am stunned but seems like nothing compared to the adultery. However, he decides he wants to make it work with me even though he is in love with this other woman. I mean he cried about it yesterday!! He made sussosivly his last phone call to her last night. Now he is at his job quitting. But. there is this huge disagreement we have. I want access to all his e mail. He claims he wants to be able to avoid her himself and not out of force. Why did he have to fall in love with her? She is so not his type. She is a wild drinker and he never was. She has cheated on her finace more then just this once with someone else. I am just disgusted!! Yet I am doing plan a. This is so hard!
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 296
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 296 |
Wounded, Tighten your seat belt. You'll find lots of support here. It's great that he's done the no contact thing. It's not so great that he's having a hard time letting you have access to his e-mail. If he's truely gone no contact with OW, the next 2 months for you are going to be pretty rough as he goes through withdrawal. Hang on and try to stay motivated. Come here to vent and get support. Best wishes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
~~One day at a time is all we're given. Just deal with today and let God have tomorrow.~~
Me = 32 FWH in 1996. Current BH
Her = 33 FWW
DS 15
DD 11
DS 7
Discovery March 29, 2006
Recovery and proud of it!
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
wounded, I am sorry to say that he is not done with his affair. I would let him come home but be prepared for more contacts. I would ask him to end all contact with her and to open up his email and everything to you. This is a good will gesture to MAKE YOU FEEL SAFE. Tell him you need this to FEEL SAFE.
Take baby steps, but be please don't be disappointed when he contacts her again. His quitting his job is a great first step.
Will post more later....
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412 |
I want access to all his e mail. He claims he wants to be able to avoid her himself and not out of force. Okay....here's how you answer this *foggy* statement: DH, I EXPECT you to avoid her yourself and I have no intention of FORCING you to. I have no power over you....but I do have power over me. Looking at your emails is for ME, not to punish YOU...because *I* get to decide if I want to live with an unfaithful husband or not and that's one of the ways I can be sure. It's non-negotiable, so please decide whether you're prepared to live honestly and openly....or not. But do not expect me to compromise my safety so you can test yourself.
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 296
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 296 |
~~One day at a time is all we're given. Just deal with today and let God have tomorrow.~~
Me = 32 FWH in 1996. Current BH
Her = 33 FWW
DS 15
DD 11
DS 7
Discovery March 29, 2006
Recovery and proud of it!
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 617
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 617 |
Post deleted by rainbowbeliever
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 116
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 116 |
Would Individual counseling for you be an option?
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
ML,
How do I request open honesty after I have enabled over a decade of "privacy" without H running off. I have been in Plan A for 2 months now and have multiple issues not just with 1 OW but lots of female "friends" now and historically. I used to just go with the flow and avoid rocking the boat but the past year I have started speaking honestly how I feel about friendships that I find to be inappropriate etc. Have you considered going into counseling to find out why you would tolerate such abuse for years on end?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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