Losttiger,

You said "funny thing is that today the phrase "I love you but i am not in love with you" popped in my head. I know that this has been said many times by the WS but do BS ever feel this and say it. I am sort of feeling that right now."

I feel like that quite a bit and I am a BS...I love my H very very much, and sometimes I do get the old feeling of being in love with him....But alot of times, I feel like we are together because it is a habit. I guess that is because we haven't been working on our M much lately. When we do and we are communicating, I do feel "in love" but then something happens, and it goes away...

I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in feeling this way. My H never said that to me, and I haven't said it to him either, but I do feel like that...I feel like so much has been taken away from us due to the A...Maybe it's a respect issue, too, I don't know...

A glass of wine sounds really good right about now, S&C67!

It's 5:00 pm somewhere, right????

I'd prefer beer today, if that's OK - but I would take wine or liquor too .... and I will be having some soon.

At least my (F)WW is out of town until Sunday. This is the first time I can ever remember in 18 years of marriage that I am actually glad she is gone and wouldn't really care if she didn't come back.

She's given me the "not in love with you" crap sandwich - sort of funny how that and all our other problems seemed to come out right as her EA started - what a coincidence.

I haven't told her that, but I feel that way. Right now she is really pissed that I told OMW about 3 weeks ago. I think it's funny. If not for the kids, I would think it was real funny.

OTOH, I do have a lot to smile about too - W is gone for 3 days, I have a great job, 3 great kids etc. Sooner or later I may give up the crap sandwich and move on sushi too - I do know what you mean years.

Thanks mamafish...i am glad that i am not the only one. I have never said this to him and he hasn't said it to me either. Another thing i dont understand is how can a WS say they love you and dont want to leave you but still have an A. I was told that he never intended to leave me for her....oooohhhh don't I feel really special. I am good enough to stay with but not good enough to be faithful to.

Ok you are special enough to stay with and to be faithful too.

It just seems like they were grabbing for a brass ring when they already had a diamond at home.

I dropped the I love you but I am not in love with you bomb on my FWW. Told her couldn't be in love with someone I don't know.

how did that bomb go over with FWW? Is that an LB?

Oh it was an LB alright. Sometimes you wish you can take them back but I can't.

I dropped the bomb after spending $200 on a night out only to walk in after a smoke and see her flirting with another man. Wouldn't have gotten that far if she just appologized but she denied she was flirting. Trust me she was.

I dropped it that freaking night.

Can't say that I blame you for that - I don't know about you, but sometimes it is impossible for me not to LB - unless I want to say nothing - especially if I've had a few - I think I've gotten better, but I have had problem with LB's.

I guess I won't tell my W that - unless she tells me again - then I will. You know, even before she told me that, I had to hear her tell a freind that on a phone call I taped - a great thing to hear -

Actually, I may just skip that and tell her I don't love her at all anymore - I guess I need to decide if it's true or not - and it may be.

It is hard for me not to LB sometimes as well. I have emotions and when my FWW did that I really did not know her anymore.

She has never said that to me but she has surely shown it to me. LOL

I am constantly LBing. I hate that side of me, but sometimes his lack a emotion drives me crazy so much that I LB just to get some reaction from him. It never really helps so you would think that i would have learned by now.

I don't LB for that reason (I don't think) - I tend to LB because I am so mad right now - it's very natural. I have gotten better, but about 2 weeks ago we were out with friends and W said something that got me started and I pretty much went on a non-stop LB binge for about 2 hours -

That's how mine usually starts - W will make a smart [censored] comment and I can't take it - but I have gotten a ton better - now I just don't say much in response and calm myself down -

that way it is actually W doing the LBing, not me. She LB's a lot now - don't know if she doesn't realize it or doesn't care - I am sure that is why I am glad she is gone for a few days and I am questioning whether I even love her at all - this love bank is pretty much empty

That sucks. I travel occasionally and to be honest it feels great to be away from her.

She is usually so nice because she knows that I could hook up when I am gone. Never have but she knows I could.

My FWW LB's all the time too.

This weekend we got rid of the kids and I tried to show her the greatest weekend. On at least 4 occasions she made smart [censored] comments that really hurt considering we were having a good time. I just kept my big trap shut. Think she was suprised I did not play the game. I kept quite for a while after each one of them.

Your love bank is half empty congratulations. I checked mine the other day someone took everything out of it and left IOU's in there. LOL.

I have not been traveling much for work lately - so I haven't been traveling much without W lately - I wish I were - it is good to get away.

I don't think W ever worries about me hooking up when I am gone (and I used to travel alot). I didn't used to worry about her doing that either - now I do. Except that in many ways I don't really care.

My bank may not be in the negative, but it's not just half empty - it was half empty 3 weeks ago - it's empty now.

I think my W is surprised when I don't respond to her smart [censored] comments too - W also shows almost no affection and SF is non-existent - that was not true 3 weeks ago. Lack of SF is a huge LB to me - she thinks she's punishing me. That's probably why the bank is empty now.

I took an award trip one time and everyone from my work told her about how good I was. She never understood why they kept telling her that. The reason was I had two women that were all over me trying to get me to cheat. I told her about it after her A. I of course didn't. Sometimes I wish I did.

We are such simple creatures us men. SF is my main need!!!!!

My FWW tried punsihing me like that and I just went along. Three weeks without any because she was not respecting my boundries. So if I am displeased with her about her actions no nookie.

I actually made her come to me and ask me. She tried all the normal things to get me to come on to her and I did not. I asked her what she wanted, made her tell me then I made her say pretty please. LOL. Boosted my ego. God I needed that.

I would love to make my W do that but it will never happen.

SF is also my #1 EN (actually, honesty may have surpassed it recently) - but not even on her list.

Just a slight difference.

Oh yes I forgot about honesty too but then again after almost 3 years of dishonesty maybe I am numb to it.

I am currently mulling over her latest ultimatum which is she will let me ask her questions about the A one time then never again. LOL. If I forget a question or a new one comes up I am hosed. I should have called the OM long ago to find out what really happened. Too late now.

Only things I ever find out are the things I already know. Think she is so afraid to tell me because of all the lies she has told.

W's A in my case was "only" an EA - . Because of that, there are not as many details that I need to know.

W hasn't told me I can only ask one time, but like your W unless I ask very specfic questions, I get nothing.

For example, about 3 weeks ago I tell W that I told OMW. We were at a bar/restaurant and I had been drinking all afternoon (I know, a mistake).

Anyway, I tell W I told OMW and then I asked her if she had talked to OM over the past 2 mos. (she had promised me as recently as the day before that she hadn't).

Guess what her [censored] response was? "I don't want to answer that".

So, then I said, "Have you seen him since then" Same [censored] response "I don't want to answer that"

2 or 3 minutes later, of course, she admitted she had talked to him weekly and had actually gone to his office a few days before - a 45 min. drive.

Of course, when I heard all that in a 3 min time frame I was in an absolute rage - I LB'd quite a bit and left.

My point is, they must think we are idiots. "I don't want to answer that" ???? What a [censored] thing to say -

I don't have 3 years like you do years, just 3 mos. - it's bad enough hn

I know and everytime they drop a bomb on us they think we should hug them.

Hey by the way I did this. WTF. All at once a wave hits you. Bad enough she did it. Then she has to lie about it to my face.

I don't want to answer that is what I get all the time. Or what good does it do for you to know the details. How about this there might be a detail in there that I will never ever forgive or forget or move on from. How about I know now instead of finding out 5 years from now.

I honestly think if my FWW was honest in the beginning I would have Divorced her. I kept getting spoon fed the crap until I was numb to it. Didn't even phase me anymore. Now I just want to know everything.

She doesn't understand that there are triggers that make me think about the A. I know it is not her fault when that happens. But then I get mad that she still hasn't been honest with me. At least if I knew I could deal with the triggers better.

My W doesn't understand triggers either - and I can only imagine it must be worse for a PA - but maybe not.

Of course, in my case, the "I don't want to answer that" were in response to "yes or no" questions - how fuc8ing stupid an answer is that?

I think her IC told her to answer like that. Well, give me 6 or 7 beers and tell me that .....

My situation is a little different I think in that if W had told all from the beginning, quit contact with her "friend", not lied to me and acted sort of remorseful, then I think I'd be over it - almost totally.

Of course she didn't and I am now questioning everything.