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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5
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Junior Member
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5 |
been married for 13 years have a boy 7 and a girl 6. Affair is been going in since last DEC. foud out 6 weeks ago wife admits it about 3 weeks ago trying plan A.
she said doesn't want to lose the friendship and she will not sleep with him anymore, this is a lie A still on and strong, she is in love with him. he works for the christian school the kids go to, I promised not to tell the pastor or the opw.
she will not talk to me she treats me like I'm the guilty person, accusing me of spying on her and she feels like she is in prison and being treated like a child.
how am I supposed to implement plan A and try to meet her EN if she wouldn't even let me. and should I tell her that she is pushing the kids away and yelling at them too much or should I back of. I need help PLEASE.
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Welcome to marriage builders. It is a great place to be under the circumstances.
You made a terrible mistake when you agreed to let the other man (who works for a christian school, yet) destroy your family, without exposing him to the Pastor and wife. Exposure is absolutely essential, and is the only thing that will end the affair and bring your wife back to the marriage.
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,457
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,457 |
Exposure is absolute essential. The message that you are giving your wife and he OM is that there are no consequences for this man to sleep with your wife and put your health at risk. Allowing her to continue contact is unacceptable. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. Being a doormat is not going to work. If the roles were reversed, do you think your wife would put up with such humiliation and disrespect from you? If you do not respect yourself then who will?
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5 |
I know I made a mistake but I am in plan A and I need to show her that I could be trusted even with this matter and even if it's not in my best intrest
The teachers at school are getting verry suspicious I'm hoping they will uncover it I just need to give it some time.
I need some help with plan A at this point
thank's
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Exposure is a big part of Plan A. Have you read the Carrot and the Stick of Plan A?
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 5 |
Ok I guess I should gather some more phisical evidence and go to the pastor, and his wife.
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 221
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 221 |
Sorry you are in this place bond.
You shouldn't need physical evidence to go to the pastor or the W. OWH came to my door (dragged her sorry butt with him) and told me on my doorstep.) He did offer to provide me with the emails he had intercepted which was how he discovered it, but I did not ask for them.
As yuck awful as the memory of that day is, OWH did me and my H a HUGE favor by exposing!
This needs to be your first step. Go see OMW asap.
Good luck, and I am sorry for the pain you are in right now. Been through it, now on the other side and it has been worth all the heartache, pain and effort.
Blessings, Glad
BW-34
FWH-35
Married 12yrs
4 children
DD 8
DD 6
DD 4
DD 2
d-day 7/03
Beautiful Recovery
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 4,554
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 4,554 |
I'm hoping they will uncover it I just need to give it some time. By avoiding conflict, you are heading for disaster. I believe that you need to expose IMMEDIATELY. Go to the school, request an audience with the principal, and start talking. Don't go in acting like a raving lunatic - be firm and calm as possible about why you are doing this. It might help to think of the A as an addition, and your WW is the addict, and the OM her fix. You are trying to addiction. Make sure and walk with any evidence that you have at hand, because there will likely be a lot of denial from the OM. If it's a christian school, they would likely not be very happy about the example that teacher is setting. Being suspended or released from duty will give the OM a lot more to think about than boinking with your WW at any opportunity she provides. BTW - is he married? If so, does his W know? If not, you should consider exposing to her as well. Unfortunately you have defused the exposure-bomb a bit by "negotiating" exposure with your WW. It's quite likely that she and the OM have now come up and rehearsed several "alibis" to explain away otherwise suspicious behaviour. Be prepared accordingly.
ManInMotion =========== (see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 221
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 221 |
Yes, I agree with the likelihood of them having time to come up with a "story".
I called my H immediately after OW and OWH left my house and told him immdediately that I knew...he acted dumb for a moment and then I told him about the visitors that just left and told him to get his butt home immediately and to not dare call her because she was w/ her BH and he did not want him calling her and neither did I! The immediacy of all this helped NC get off to an excellent start because they never saw the exposure coming and so they never had a chance to develop a joint "story" to spin it for me and OWH (OWH deserves credit for his immediacy in this...he discovered A by emails Sun. night, confronted her immediately and must not have let her out of his sight and the very next morning dragged her over to my house to confess).
I know this is not helpful to you at this point, but I just want to continue to drive the point home to you to immediatley now expose to OMW as I hope you are seeing how imparative this is to even beginning to recover.
Also...we are in a covenant christian school. If I learned that a teacher/pastor whatever at the school was in an A, even if unrelated to me in any way, I would not hesitate to immediately, immediately visit the headmaster of the school.
This is such an awful, hard thing. I am sorry you are going through it BOND. Be strong. Glad
BW-34
FWH-35
Married 12yrs
4 children
DD 8
DD 6
DD 4
DD 2
d-day 7/03
Beautiful Recovery
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