Well I guess you could say the other night was a lovebuster. I came home for lunch the next day and found a letter from my H. Trustntruth please help me decifer what it means when he wrote:<BR>I am so sorry for all the problems and grief I cause you. You deserve so much better than what I am giving back. I can only hope someday all this will be behind us in one capacity or another. You are such a beautiful person and I absolutely hate hurting you and bringing you down. I will always be your best friend though. I look at you with so much admiration and respect for getting your life back together, I only wish I could do the same. Again I'm sorry, please don't hold this against me. Signed H<BR> We had a long discussion tonite and my H is so pissed still at the way he felt for the past 9 yrs. All of the lonliness for me not being there and reaching out to me. H told me that although he has talked to OW he has not slept with her again. He wants this to be about him this time and not about me that I controlled the relationship for 9 yrs. Is this his way of establishing control back into his life? I did tell him that I could deal with everything else but would not except that he is even speaking to OW. I would not and could not and that was the bottom line. Was this wrong? Do I need to let him find this out for himself? He seemed to understand that this was an important need to me and did tell me that he knew I would never be happy until he no longer had any communication with her.

Dear Cherub34,<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I am so sorry for all the problems and grief I cause you.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Present tense. He's aware of what he is doing to you.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>You deserve so much better than what I am giving back. I can only hope someday all this will be behind us in one capacity or another. You are such a beautiful person and I absolutely hate hurting you and bringing you down.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Feeling guilty. Wanting to end the guilt.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> I will always be your best friend though.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Trying to make up for the guilt.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> I look at you with so much admiration and respect for getting your life back together,<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Building you back up after hurting you. Making himself try to feel less guilty by complimenting.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> I only wish I could do the same.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Self Pity because of guilt.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Again I'm sorry, please don't hold this against me.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Doesn't want you to lose your love for him.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>We had a long discussion tonite and my H is so pissed still at the way he felt for the past 9 yrs. All of the lonliness for me not being there and reaching out to me. H told me that although he has talked to OW he has not slept with her again. He wants this to be about him this time and not about me that I controlled the relationship for 9 yrs. Is this his way of establishing control back into his life?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>This is justifying his affair. Trying to feel less guilt.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I did tell him that I could deal with everything else but would not except that he is even speaking to OW. I would not and could not and that was the bottom line. Was this wrong?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Perfect!<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Do I need to let him find this out for himself? He seemed to understand that this was an important need to me and did tell me that he knew I would never be happy until he no longer had any communication with her. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I think your husband is rationalizing his affair, but the guilt is eating him up. It sounds like his inner constraints (conscience) is struggling with his feelings of fantasy love. It sounds like he is beginning to see the light. Not quite, but almost.<P>TNT<P> <BR>