I need some quick advice before my H gets back from biz trip. The Skinny: H writes for a living, own biz, and has a female partner C.(Also 2 men partners) C does editing/research and is important so he can complete work for clients and make a living. C is mercurial, others at office don't like her. They talk on the phone for work, of course, but they also have developed a close friendship over these 4 yrs. But when H developed an interest in photog., then so did C. They discuss lenses, cameras, etc. then did some day workshops together. Then the calls every Saturday made me feel jealous of their time together talking. I don't want to be nagging jealous wife if just an innocent friendship, but I worry. They travel out of town for workshops together, and he doesnt really talk about her, so I am suspicious. He started to work at home, and I could really see how much time they talk. She needs a lot of hand-holding, thinks no one likes her at work, etc. and he provides the comfort. I started to feel like he was closer emotionally to her than me. It has taken a toll on our sex life, of course. When I noticed the conversations in low voices behind closed doors, Red flag! I confronted him, he admitted that he had an "unhealthy relationship" with her that he was trapped in and that he had beem "flirting with people he should't have", but he is unable to be honest and just tell me what was really going on. He agreed to do something about it, but didn't tell me he had told her "no more close buddy stuff" until I asked about a week later. The lack of up front behavior worries me sick. He says he was not sleeping around, but how attached is he to C? He is still working on a big project with her (as well as others), but he won't tell me how he feels about her, or how she feels about him. I don't want to seem neurotic and call her husband for the other side's view, and he fels he needs C. to complete this project. I've read here about how the H misses the lover after they break up ... would he miss her? Is this working together safe or just a way to keep some contact? He doesnt know how to ditch someone who has been such a close confidante, or does he not really want to? He says he is devoted to me, but I dont want him to turn on me because I sound like a broken record about C. I still feel paranoid, sad, cry a lot, worry, dont sleep, am physically sick alot, even tho over the past 3 wks since we have been finally been talking. We are closer and sex life is on track, he sends love notes to me now, but I really feel betrayed even tho there might not have been anything more than lots of talking. <p>[This message has been edited by R Megan (edited October 02, 1999).]

Hi! R megan<BR>I think you are right on the money. Don't necessarily doubt yourself, you're instincts are probably right. I recommend a good book called "Is he Cheating?" by Ferne Simmone and Sammi Sheen. It give good advice on how to find out the real truth. When I found out my H was involved with an acquaintance of ours, I layed low and collected all the evidence I could get (the book gives you lots of ideas)one thing I know for sure with my H is that I can NOT confront WITHOUT evidence. He will LIE and DENY. (Most of the men do). So if you want the truth get the book and get the truth! Good luck, my heart goes out to all of us suffering like this. This is the worst thing I have ever gone through.

Hi! R megan<BR>I think you are right on the money. Don't necessarily doubt yourself, you're instincts are probably right. I recommend a good book called "Is he Cheating?" by Ferne Simmone and Sammi Sheen. It give good advice on how to find out the real truth. When I found out my H was involved with an acquaintance of ours, I layed low and collected all the evidence I could get (the book gives you lots of ideas)one thing I know for sure with my H is that I can NOT confront WITHOUT evidence. He will LIE and DENY. (Most of the men do). So if you want the truth get the book and get the truth! Good luck, my heart goes out to all of us suffering like this. This is the worst thing I have ever gone through.

Hi! R megan<BR>I think you are right on the money. Don't necessarily doubt yourself, you're instincts are probably right. I recommend a good book called "Is he Cheating?" by Ferne Simmone and Sammi Sheen. It give good advice on how to find out the real truth. When I found out my H was involved with an acquaintance of ours, I layed low and collected all the evidence I could get (the book gives you lots of ideas)one thing I know for sure with my H is that I can NOT confront WITHOUT evidence. He will LIE and DENY. (Most of the men do). So if you want the truth get the book and get the truth! Good luck, my heart goes out to all of us suffering like this. This is the worst thing I have ever gone through.

Hi! R megan<BR>I think you are right on the money. Don't necessarily doubt yourself, you're instincts are probably right. I recommend a good book called "Is he Cheating?" by Ferne Simmone and Sammi Sheen. It give good advice on how to find out the real truth. When I found out my H was involved with an acquaintance of ours, I layed low and collected all the evidence I could get (the book gives you lots of ideas)one thing I know for sure with my H is that I can NOT confront WITHOUT evidence. He will LIE and DENY. (Most of the men do). So if you want the truth get the book and get the truth! Good luck, my heart goes out to all of us suffering like this. This is the worst thing I have ever gone through.

RM - Hate to say this. There probably IS something going on? One of the things a lot of us on this forum have concluded is to trust your intuition. If you have a gut feeling that your spouse is cheating, he (in your case) probably IS. Go with this. It isn't the end of the world (though will almost certainly seem like it at some point). Also, don't be put off by the fact that a lot of the posters here are Christians of a seemingly fundamental persuasion. They all have good hearts (as do the rest of us) and are available (as am I) for pretty realistic comments. I don't think I could have gotten through my W's infidelity intact (so far) without this forum. And hey, I'm a writer too! Regards and blessings,<P>--Wex

Hi R Megan,<P>I am having the same suspicions as you are. My H is spending a lot of time with a lady "friend" with whom he shares some common interests that I do not have time for. I am jealous too. I am not sure where the friendship ends, and I have discovered some evidence of lies he's told me regarding her. You shoudl read the articles here about Honesty, I have but I wish I knew how to get my H to be honest with me.<P>C.

To Nor Really a ... thanks for the tip. I did, and printed it out to go over with H when he gets back. Thank you all for for rational comments!

Stonehenge, you are right about the recreational needs. But just because R. Megan is uncomfortable with this friendship, doesn't mean her spouse will give it up.<P>I've been doing the Plan A/Recreational needs thing for over six months, and just when I think my problem has gone away, it resurfaces.