My lied to me when we first met, he was a pilot, he was a big time musician, he was adopted at birth. No kids no marriage. We worked through the lies he was married w/2 kids found out after a year left w no contact 1 year. He came back divorced, with no lies going forward we married 3 years later now married 2.5 years. I find out the whole routine has started with this other woman who he said the same things too. no marriage, kids, work etc. The lies, the lies not just about covering her up but the lies about parents whom live in another state(never met) no family.Please tell me if anyone has encountered this before.I am at a loss for plan A if the lies are so deep rooted past A.Please Please respond. (also still in contact by phone with ow,I watch the cell phone lines)She has spoken with me knows the lies, knows all but she stil calls and he still answers her.I still spy, and be nice 3 weeks of this.

Wow. That has got to be really stressful on you right now.

I honestly do not have any advice for you. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am that you are going through this.

Rachel

thanks for the response. It's kinda weird but he did not lie about anything for 3 years then I believe the stress and low self esteem took over and he just immersed himself in this fantasy with this OW. Like I will marry you , you are my soul mate. Beautiful love poems, calls, honeys, I love yous. I would be crying except I truly know it's so pretend. No one does this after 3 weeks of talking to each other. The OW I talked to and told her WH married to me. She was shocked but has continued. She believes the fantasy also. She only slept with him twice(religion keeps her from him) also the EA is running high. He is home always, every weekend, weekdays etc. Weird I've told him, I know about your addiction to lying and stress just ask for help. I'm on plan A for 6 weeks. Working on myself, hoping and praying I never get to the point where I buy into the lies.For all of our sake I need to have the great eyes and ears for the whole family. Anyone else have this love to talk.....lonely with lies

"No one does this after 3 weeks of talking to each other."

Yes they do, GS...WS's do. Mine did in two weeks...all that...it's how you KNOW it is fantasy...not real love at all.

Now, I have not heard of WS's lying about their profession, parents, etc...and that you knew he did this before and said it to you at the beginning of your marriage...is OW married? Did you check public records? Expose to her husband, exhusband, parents or siblings?

I ask because truth really matters...and especially when something this off is going on with your WH...Plan A isn't about playing nice...it is about truth...exposure and knowing your truth, his truth and The Truth...being authentic...knowing the truthfully your LB's and eliminating because you don't want to be a person who LB's...and attempts to meet ENs because you want to be a person who chooses to love...loves loving...not tries to manipulate by playing nice...

Find out if you can have a psychiatric eval done because you are the spouse...call the psyche unit ward at your local hospital, and/or your family physician...could be something serious...

LA

Help with lying ....

I am so sorry for being in this situation. Unfortunately your description puts everything in a very different category. A whole different kettle of fish, a different kind of lies from the usual alien fog....

There is an insightful book out, and please please please run and get it, it is truely an eye-opener. You may find it in one of the big bookstores, or get it on the internet (Amazon or what). Unfortunately it will not necessarily have the news you want to hear.

It's called "When your lover is a liar", Susan Forward, PhD, Harper Collins Publisher

It deals with the type of liar that you are probably facing...
Be strong.

DMbx thanks for the advice on lying I ordered the book right away. The affair has stopped and he is just going on like life never changed it's weird. He is remorseful willing to go to counseling, talk, whatever it takes but the true self I am stilll wondering about. Thanks for your insight.lets keep in touch. I'lll let you know about the book. I'm getting stronger daily, I'm a strong beautiful, bright woman just trying to be honest and have integrity with all of this. thanks..........