Oh man <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I am not quite sure what to think <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
H is going to another state weekly for business and home on weekends <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
He is outside building something now and I looked thru the http and
www portion of the "run" feature.
He stays at a hotel while he is gone.
I found a hotel link to T-Mobile <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Seems you can purchase unlimited
calling cards or something like that for the duration of the hotel
stay.
He already has Cingular <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
I demanded the password to Cingular a month or two back.
Now I find this <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Maybe he wants to call someone and me not find
out??
Is this a red flag?? Well, i think so, I guess. But, when I clicked
on it, it didnt say log in to your account....was just the main page. I dont have proof that he purchased the card; well, yet.
It was visited 3 times, I think; maybe one visit being me.
Another thing I found:
www.transgenderfilmfestival.com or something like that.
What the ****** is that all about??
Could this be a clue that he has been up to the porn crap again?? It
is just a link to films of transgenders/the cinemas they make.....but he finds that totally
GROSS and he would never visit that.
I am guessing he just forgot to delete that link?? Maybe it was a pop
up?? I cant imagine that link coming up without being around a lot of porn. I mean, who goes looking around online for transgender cinema movies?? I know HE wouldnt.
Please.....I just had a miscarriage.....I am teetering on the brink of
depression again....I was recovering so well this week <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
He has been treating me like a Queen and everything, too. I thought
he was really trying to get closer to me.
I dont know what to think or do <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
He leaves again Monday.
Should I just remain quiet for this week and look next weekend to see
what I find??
Or should I just question him now why he needs an additional calling
card for when his phone works just fine??
What is this life??
I HATE living like this. The worry.
The "Gaslighting".
Thanks for any input.
Oh, and BTW....No, I cant install any keyloggers or anything like that <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> His is a business owned computer <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Plus, he is a computer wizard....so, he knows how to delete things. I am just lucky when I happen to find a few clues that he forgot to hide.
I just dont want to live like this <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
Thanks for the responses and support.
Love,
Emma

Sorry about the miscarriage. It is a sad thing to go through.

The cinema site sounds strange. He may be looking at porn. I think I would just keep watching.

Are you feeling okay? When I had a miscarriage, I was a mess.

So sorry about your baby. Did your H keep pressuring you for an abortion right up until you miscarried? What was his reaction when you did?

Please know that you did not cause this by not being sure at first if you wanted the baby.

How is your other baby?

Emm, I'm so sorry about the miscarriage too, but I will have to confine my comments to the problem at hand.

I don't know what stage of recovery you're in but I gather your WH is supposed to be in NC and practicing radical honesty. The "transgender film festival" is definitely an indication he's not cured of an addiction to porn. One doesn't go to those types of shows for any reason other than to see porn...and a particularly unsettling type of porn (to me) on top of that. Is your husband getting professional help for his addiction?

Second, I can't think of ANY reason why he would be investigating T-Mobile, but he didn't actually procure the card. Hmmmmmmm. He's committed to radical honesty though. I would ask him to explain, and I wouldn’t feel bad about the asking either. Lady, you’re entitled to expect straight answers from him. If he's supposed to be committed to reconciling, he needs to protect you by being honest and forthright.

Emm, think of this snooping phase as a military intelligence gathering operation. It’s nothing to be unhappy about. It’s just another part of the war to get your husband back from the alien mother ship. Don’t let it bother you, okay?

I want to be VERY clear to everyone that I wanted the baby that I lost. I would have left my H if he kept pressuring me to abort it.
After a month or so, he finally accepted it. But, I ended up losing it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I will always wonder if the stress caused it.
I would like more input on how to handle the calling card and the transgender link. I dont quite know what to do or say.
He has gone out of his way to give me a wonderful Mother's day. I mean, he really went all out. It is the best Mother's day I have had in many years....
But, I still have everything in the back of my mind <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
Why would he be looking into calling cards....it was a link for the hotel....unlimited day calling cards for the duration of the stay. T-Mobile; I have never heard of that <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
I also want to be very clear that it appeared that the transgender link was not really porn?? I dont know...It seemed more like cinemas, drama, maybe kind of like Showtime's The L Word type of dramas or something.....but STILL.....I would only GUESS that you would only get there by viewing porn of some sort, you know?? You wouldnt really go out of your way and google transgender films....I am not an idiot.
He leaves tomorrow for another 5 full days and nights away from home....alone at night. I am a mess worrying and wondering.
I dont want to live in fear of this <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
Thanks for all the input. I really do need more if you can <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Thanks for the kind words about the miscarriage. That was one of the hardest things I ever went thru; both physically and emotionally. I am still far from recovering and very fragile to any emotional upset right now....however, I dont wish to live like an Ostrich with my head in the sand, either. If I can recover losing a child, then I am strong enough to learn the complete truth about H.
I just wish there were more ways to find out; esp when it comes to business computers.....I am at such a loss <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
Is there anyway I can get a copy of his hotel bill?? With phone calls?? Would they even log that w/ a calling card; I bet not really, huh?? Not with a card <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
What is this life?
Thank you my friends.
Love,
Emma

Emma:

Just to be clear on something. Do you want alternative answers and innocent explanations for why these things are bugging you so much (calling card, websites, etc..) OR do you want the TRUTH. Sometimes, when we ask these questions as you have....we don't really want the truth. Your anxiety ridden and in pain (all normal), but are you ready to accept the reality that you are probablty being duped again by your WH. I will leave it at that, and let the other more seasoned vets perhaps offer alterntaive explanations for his actions and other things that will help you stay in recovery.

Goodluck

Lem

Oh, No....I dont need anyone to "Tiptoe" around me just because I lost a baby.
I am coming here for guidance and answers with a clear mind and open heart.
I went thru too much recently to KEEP going thru even more. Does that make sense??
If I am being duped again....then I deserve to KNOW about it. I NEED to know about it.
And I need to learn ways to go about finding the truth, while I am so limited in the ways I can find things.....I cant install keyloggers, stuff like that.
Please understand that I am a strong Woman. I can handle it. I went thru it with my Ex H. And I am so happy I found out.
Now, I need to find out about this H.
Anyone have more guidance, ideas??
I am open to receive anything you have to offer.
I deserve to be treated wonderfully...I am a good and attentive wife.....I dont need to live in secrecy and mistrust and misrepresentation by my H anymore.
I am ranting now.
Thank you for the replies so far.
I just want to hear what you all think of the two finds I made and suggest what to do now.....keep quiet? If so, for how long?? Tip my hand? If so, Why??
Thank you for your guidance.
Love,
Emma

It is hard to tell exactly what is going on. But if you relax and watch, the truth will come out. My WH lied to me for 3 years, but his secrets were impossible to keep. I finally found out everything. When I did, I no longer had any feelings for him, so it all worked out.

I hope you are taking good care of yourself, and working on having a good life.

Emma, forgive me if I misread your earlier posts. To me, you seemed unsure about the baby at first, but more as if you wanted to want it. I'm sorry if I didn't understand correctly.

It was not in any way your fault, or because of the stress. It was most likely to be a chromosomal abnormality of unknown origin. If you would feel better learning more, this link is very helpful. Just scroll down a ways to the article.

It is so sad that this happened, but please believe it was not from anything you or your H did.