Well everyone here was 110% right when they said my H was having a PA. I thought it was only an EA. Guess I was a fool to trust him, even after he denied having sex with her. I'm such an idiot!

Found out that they are livng together now.

I plan on exposing to OWH. He's finally back in town. Doubt it will do any good. I'm sure he knows, as she's not livng there anymore.

I think I need to move on. I don't think I want the M to continue. Finding out about an A is hard enough, but being lied to for months after asking so many times for him to tell me the truth, I just can't do it anymore. I'll never trust him again.

It will be hard for the kids, D, but H prefers spending time with OW, than with the kids anyway. They need to know what kind of father they really have.

Guess I'm in revenge mode now, it's still fresh, the evidence I found, and it hurts like he**. H doesn't know I found it. Will inform him soon though.

Thanks for listening.

{{{HUGS}}} I'm so sorry for all your hurt! I wish I knew what to say. I will be here to listen. Keep your chin up, you can do this!

Hold on cat.

Are you sure you want a divorce?

Really sure?

What legal steps have you taken since he moved out? What binding financial arrangements have been made, child custody, etc?

WAT

cat, why are you giving up so easily? This is not hopeless. You have lots of opportunities here. Instead of surrendering before you even get on the field of battle, why not try and fight this affair and save your marriage?

Listen, Catgirl, your WH's behavior is typical. Almost all WS's deny...some even deny when faced with undeniable evidense.

You need to give this some time before deciding that you are done and ready to divorce. You have kids, it will be worth it to consider all options.

Now is the time to read up on plan A if you didn't get a chance to work on you and your part in the problems in your marriage. Find out what emotional needs you weren't meeting for your WH's. Take the EN questionnaire for yourself and as if you are your H.

Dr. Harley says that most affairs burn out within 2 yrs. This journey isn't for the weak.

Read Surviving an Affair, His Needs Her Needs, and James Dobson's 'Love Must be Tough'. Learn the dynamics of an affair. Read all you can on the main part of the website....the articles and the concepts.

Understand you aren't alone here. Many of us have walked this path...and survived. Get yourself a plan.

It isn't necessarily the end of your marriage. You will probably hear lots of the same words out of your WH's mouth that many of us heard. We can help you on your road to recovery....whether or not you stay married. You will be better for having tried.

No legal steps were taken when he moved out. Still have access to $$. I see an attorney this week to do legal stuff to protect me. Yeah I know I was stupid not doing it first. Guess I trusted him too much, and thought he'd be back after thinking through stuff, like he said.

After finding out that it is a PA in graphic detail, it just makes me sick to even want to be in the same room with him. Never in a million years would I have thought he would have done this to our family.

I guess I'm at the end of my rope and I give up. I don't usually give up, that's for sure, but I don't know how much more I can take before I really go over the deep end. I'm just emotionally exhausted. I honestly can't see me ever trusting him again and I'd always wonder what they did etc. I could never get it out of my head and it would just tear me apart. That's just me. I guess others can handle it better.

Hi catgirl,

Hang in there! I know it's tough. If you're emotionally exhausted, have you seen a physician for some advice? Maybe anti-depressants?

My situation is similar to Trix's, except I am BH. My W (WW or maybe FWW) of 31 years, who has never had SF with another man in her life to my knowledge, began a PA with a young man 23 years old last year. Wow, how do you think that makes me feel at the age of 53?

But you know what? I got on meds for depression (had pre-existing problems, but it took A for me to seek help) and I'm fighting for this marriage with my life if need be. A year ago, I would never have been able to handle my wife being with another man. I was possessive, jealous, controlling, etc.

Make no mistake, D-Day DID destroy me. But out of the ashes rose a FAR better person who is now learning about himslf and will one day soon be able to be a great partner for the right woman. I hope that woman is my WW with all my heart. I still love her very much.

catgirl, make this into a POSITIVE for yourself no matter the outcome. But, as I hope to do, stay and FIGHT and you can at least walk away (if that's the case) knowing that you have given your all to saving your marriage. Then, you'll have peace of mind and can hold your head high.

RM4