and even our counsellor is exasperated by my wife's inability to end her EA. After 6 months of exposure my wife is still 'struggling'. Our counsellor actually got out of her that the only reason she hasn't made a decision is that she is afraid of making a mistake (i.e. choosing the wrong person). So basically we agreed that:

She has made a decision (she wants the OM)
The only force keeping her in our marriage is fear

Not such a great foundation for re-building the marriage. I think I am out this weekend. I am tired of spinning my wheels. It is time to kickstart this situation for better or worse.

One kickstart might be you initiating the legal steps for her to move out.

She can't decide, then you decide for her and this is it - since she can't give up OM, she has to give up the family. Either or.

All the while you make it clear that your preference is to keep the family together. But you're "forced" into this situation by her indecisiveness.

BTW - update us on the exposure you were planning to the parents a couple weeks ago.

Also, you have given up completely on the idea of you moving out, right?

WAT

Hey Worthatry, exposure to the parents is happeing this week. Maybe even this afternoon. I don't think this will change anything though.

I swear you must be either my brother or must be having conversations with him. He is also adement that I do not move out. However she will not move out and leave the kids, short of physically removing her from the house what can I do??? My parents live one block over I can stay there and still have 100% access to the kids. My bro lives next door and he will keep an eye on the house - he is pissed as the OM was his friend also. In my letter I have made it clear that I will make all attempts to get full custody of the kids if she so much as talks to him on our drive-way - this is her worst nightmare.

If this ends in divorce, and it probably will, I don't want it to be a drawn out fight where only the lawyers win. I have seen first hand what this can do to the kids. I have no desire to be 'friends' with my wife after divorce but I must put the kids needs before my own. If we can end this amicably then that is good for me.

No, I doubt I'm your brother. Does he have any cool fishing tackle? Maybe I need to meet him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I don't care how close your parents live, do not move out. This is as much principle as anything else.

Which letter are you referring to? Not a Plan B letter, right? Plan B isn't available to you without a physical separation.

Please don't make threats like this - using the kids.

Make the "threats" self evident by seeing an attorney and drawing up a separation agreement - or whatever legal instrument is available to you in your locale - and use this to make your point: since she won't give up OM, she has to give up the family and move out. Either or.

So, do all the neighbors know about this OM?

WAT

WAT, other neighbours know about it. I just got back from exposing to her parents. They were shocked and upset but really supportive. However, her dad suggested the following plan: Not to tell wife that I exposed to them (on account that he feels I am making it too easy on her and she should shoulder the resp.), give her in writing an ultimatum to end the affair (list requirements) and advise of the consequences (separation) - essencially move right into plan B. He suggests a week or so. Her mom also said it should be her who moves out not me(she is a great Mother in law).

We are basically on the same page. I really have to think about the kids when it comes to who moves out. Wife has nowhere to go (her parents won't take her). I'm not feeling sorry for her but realistically she will not leave this house. Can I legally force her???

Comsider yourself extremely lucky to have supportive in-laws.

This is VERY rare.

But, I disagree with your FIL on all counts. Leave the tactics to us here. He should be on the phone to her right now asking her what the he11 she's doing. No way will she take "responsibility" and tell THEM what's going on. If she doesn't know they know, the exposure is hollow. But don't rush this. It'll come out eventually. Let's see what others here say about you telling her that her parents know. I think you could drop some hints. Either way, get ready for rancid spew from her the likes of which you have never seen or heard.

I think you need to see an attorney to determine what you need to make her move out. It may not be possible. But you can certainly huff and puff and go through the motions. The point is that she has to make a choice: OM or the family. This is ALWAYS the choice. You know you're not going anyplace and that leaves two other options: she leaves for OM or gives up OM.

And what the he11 is OM up to, anyway? Another thing to ask your attorney is about a restraining Order to keep him away from your home and your kids. That'll look good to her.

WAT