My wife filed for divorce in March and we go to court on June 8th. We have 2 sons 3, and 9. She thinks the kids will be fine...however she is hardly around to notice.
I suspect she is involved with someone else and I told her I could forgive her and move past it...she continues to remain in denial and says she has no feelings for me and is completely done with our 10 year marriage.
I would do anything to reconcile and start over. She wants nothing to do with that. I have recently rededicated my life back to Christ and he is helping me get thru. I pray everyday for a second chance with her.
I continue to have days were I cannot stop crying and feel so much pain and I can't seem to let go.
Should I resort to plan B and cut myself off from her except things involving the kids?
How do I let go?? Or should I?

There is not much "suspecting" here. I'd bet on it.

Since the divorce petition has already been filed and a court date is imminent, you need to find out all you can about the affair. You need to seek custody on the basis of adultery, etc. You need to stop "whining" and FIGHT. The time for Recovery, should that become a reality instead of a one-sided dream, will WAIT.

Right now you are in a battle with the "enemy" and you need to protect your marriage and children. Get the facts.

Hire a PI, or do whatever you need to do to uncover the real reason behind your wife's actions. "No Fault" is a lie.

And know that no matter what, God's promise of Romans 8:28 is real to HIS children.

God bless.

What are you doing in the legal arena regarding the divorce filing?

Are you already separated?

Who has or will have legal custody of your sons?

What have you done to attempt to identify another man?

How has your marriage been? - any problems like alcoholism, etc?

I know who the other man is. We are sharing joint legal and physical custody. We have had problems in the past but mainly becuase we both havn't tried hard enough.

She is moving this week the D is June 8.

Are you contesting the divorce?

What do you know about the other man?

What does her side of the family know about her affair?

WAT

Has the affair been exposed? Who is this OM?

I called the OM he is a co worker and he confirmed ther personal relationship outside of work and said they were merely close friends.I also exposed the affair to her family and mine. Both OM and her say that they are just good friends and I responded to both individually saying that friends do not talk everyday and night on their cell phones and text message each good night and hide the fact that they are talking unless something is wrong.
She was very upset that I told her family that she has been talking to OM and that I felt she was using this a crutch to rush through this divorce. She confronted me about it and said she was disgusted with me.
Everytime she talks to me she has to say I'm done with you, I have no feelings for you...she does this repeatedly. And she was doing this again last night...finally I broked down and asked her who are you trying to convince.
I'm not sure were to go from here...I guess I just have to let go. Is there anything else I can do?

What has your attorney advised you to do re: contesting the divorce?

Who filed?

What are the grounds for divorce?

WAT

My attorney advised me that because she signed off and gave me custodial rights that I should not risk losing the kids. She filed. I live in MO its a no fault state she doesn't have to give a reason.

She gave you full custody?

Will she also be required to pay child support?

Did she give up all other assets, too?

If the answers are yes, yes, yes - I say let her have her dern divorce. Even if the answers are yes, yes, no - let her go.

You can't stop her. It may be the best thing for you to do to not try to stop her.

Let her crash.

Any mother that gives up her children's custody is a train wreck, IMHO. Any father for that matter.

I say because you have no real choice, let her go. Your children are your priority and you have control.

After the crash you may be able to pick up the pieces.

JMHO

WAT

Thanks.
We both have joint legal and physical custody but she has given me custodial rights of the children.

Have you also exposed to her work?

LA

What the heck does that mean?

Sounds contradictory to me. If you have joint custody it's 50/50. Custodial rights mean you have 100%.

Must be something I don't understand - I'm not an attorney.

WAT

Everyone at her work is on her side. After yesterday evening when her mother called her and said she was on her own financially and that she is not fit to be a mother right now...My STBXW has become an emotional wreck. I actually hurt for her...is this maybe the wake up call she needs?

It means we share the children 50/50 but I am considered the primary decision maker of their life i.e. religion where they live, school, ect.
It also means that if she continues to downward spiral all I have to do is file a plea to the court for full custody to be given to me.

So you can decide they live with you 100%?

If she's crashing, just watch and be available to rescue her - but not too soon. Do not deny her the full benefit of a cleansing experience. This could be the most loving thing you can do for her and your children.

JMHO

WAT

Yes, I am the custodial parent that is giving her 50% visitation of the children. All I have to do is go to court to get them full time.
So should I stop trying to comfort her new found pain. She looks so hurt the last few days after I exposed the A and I feel Like I hurt her...I love her so much and it hurts me to see her hurt. Any Advice?

This is hard to describe and others may have better words.

I recommend you validate her pain. Tell her you understand and that you're available to "talk" whenever she might need that. Tell her you're still her husband and it's part of your job to support her. But don't apologize for "creating" her pain because you didn't. Don't try to own ANY of the pain - it's not yours.

Be there for her, but don't pick her up. She has to get up herself. See the difference?

Put this thought out of your head.

You may have done the very best thing ANYBODY could have done for her. OK?

WAT

Thx I can comfort her without feeling guilty for her pain.

You are convinced that you are "hurting" her....when the truth is that her unethical choices are what are hurting her.....choices that you had no part in. If you protect her from the consequences of her own actions....you enable the affair, and you make it easier for her to leave you. Show compassion....but not weakness my friend!!! Be strong enough to LEAN on.....and you can't do that if you allow her to walk all over you. Do not keep her secrets, and encourage the help of anyone who has sway with your wife. I'm liking her mother very much right now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />