I want to send a letter to the HR dept. of the OW's work. H and OW have been having A during company time...emails, calls etc.


Legally can I do this?

And what do I say in the letter?

cat, just state the facts, give names, explain who you are and end with "what do you intend on doing about it?" State your expectation that you expect them to do something about it. Send it to a couple of key people, such as the HR director, key vice president and then CC his boss and any other upper management you think would be influential.

I believe you legally can as long as all your information is truthful. Disclaimer - I am not an attorney.

For review, what hard evidence to you have that company resources have been used.

Is there a supervisor/subordinate relationship involved? - i.e., is one of the infidels the boss of the other?

Have you attempted to phone a company representative first?

Do you have reson to believe this company eschews affairs between employees?

WAT

I am talking to an attorney this week.

H used a company cell phone to talk to her during company time. OW talked to him during company time from her office.

No supervisor/subordinate relationship involved. They work in separate companies.

No I haven't phoned anyone.

As I said they don't work together at the same company, but just thought their superiors should know what they are doing on company time...calling each other, emailing each other all day.

If they don't work at the same company, I don't think that would be a very relevant exposure.

Are there any other key people to whom you could expose?

What about his parents, his siblings, close friends, the OW's parents? Is this OW married? Who is she?

I just thought if I exposed to their companies they would not look favorably on them as to what they are doing, since it is being done on company time when they should be working and getting paid for working, not phoning or emailing each other.

They do work together at a part time job though, so I will expose to that place.

I don't know OW parents, but OWH is finally back in the country after travelling, so I will expose to him ASAP. I do plan on exposing again to family and friends. They knew it was a "relationship", but now with this proof I have, I can definitely tell them it is a PA.

I agree with Mel.

Unless you had evidence that, for example, company business travel $$ were used on the affair or other significant resources were used, exposure will do more harm than good. You'll just be ridiculed as a stalker or whacko lonely heart. Talking on the phone is typically an accepted part of existing in the workplace environment. If there were big $$ long distance calls, maybe.

WAT

OWH is going to be a KEY target. I would expose to him ASAP. Another effective exposure would be to her parents. Sometimes you can find out parents names on www.peoplefinders.com.

What do your H and the OW do for a living?

You don't think the mere fact that if people knew what was going on at work would make them uncomfortable? They are getting away with an A on company time.

I'm just trying to expose to all that admire these people and once they find out what they are doing, the opinions of H and OW will not be so favorable.

H is very well liked at work. Maybe if his work knew what he's doing, they would see him in a differnet light and H won't like that one bit.

OW is already living with my H in his apt., and planning on D her H, so I'm sure OWH knows what's going on by now.

I will expose to him none the less.

I say definitely expose to OWH. She may be "living" with WH only while BH is out of the country...

And keep your story on one thread...less explaining you have to do. Allows people to follow your story...

catgirl, he may not know what is going on. You didn't for quite some time. It may not be helpful, but it may be. I would investigate exposing to her family. I imagine the OW has lied to them about his marital status. It would cause huge conflict if you called them up and told them was a married man with children who left his family to carry on an affair with their daughter. Most parents do not want to hear that.

If you think a workplace exposure would be helpful, I would do it.

OK, I see this as exposure to acquaintences vs exposure to the company. The company won't care - friends might. See the difference?

By all means, expose to acquaintences who may hold your H in high regard. But you need to do this individually. Unless the company is a Mom and Pop Shop where informing the CEO is the same as informing the time card punchers, you ought to contact individuals. In other words, contacting the HR department in a big company will likely NOT result in the guy in the next cube finding out.

JMHO

WAT

I see what you mean. I want to tell H's boss. He works for a large company, but works closely with a few people and his boss. I was thinking of calling him up and asking to meet him in his office to tell him about H's behavior. H has a big ego. Likes everyone to like him. If boss found out, he wouldn't like that!

I do know of one person H works with that I could expose to. Don't reallly know of others. Hopefully that person will tell others, but he's not like that, so I doubt it.

I will ask OWH how I could get in touch with OW's family.

Did I mention she is 17 years younger than H?

I recommend you personally expose to people like his boss that you are also acquainted with. Do you know his boss? Will he know who you are if you call him up? If the answer is "yes", then call him today!!

WAT

catgirl, when you expose to him, tell him you love your H and ask for his help in recovering your marriage.

I have never met his boss, but if I tell him who I am, he will know.

I'm at the point now where I'm not so sure I even want this M to work out. After reading those sexual emails, it makes me sick to even think about H. H is putting OW above our kids etc.

I think I'm doing exposure more of revenge. I know that is SO wrong, but I want H to know he can't get away with what he did.

I know it's against all MB principals, and I'm sure I will get blasted for even saying that, but I'm just so hurt and angry right now I just want it all to end.

catgirl, just do the right thing. These things are more likely to help you save your marriage. You might be angry today, but you won't be next week, next month.

Regarding exposure -

Even if you think other people know - EXPOSE anyway. I happened to bump into OW's mother and exposed to her. OW had told her that other people were telling lies about her. My WH told me that OWH already knew. When I finally tracked him down, he was under the impression that it was all over. I phoned my WH's boss and emailed a coworker and exposed. They suspected, and when they confronted them, OW and WH assured them it was over. My exposure kept shining the light of day on their dirty little secret. During all this, I let everyone know that my goal was to repair my M so I wouldn't look like some harpy that was trying to get revenge. Be calm, cool, and factual when you expose. State your desire to repair your marriage. Avoid looking like you want revenge. This will only add to your credability and you will be able to honestly say that you did what you felt you had to in order to save your M. Of course your WH will accuse you of trying to ruin him, but if the fog ever clears he will see that you were acting in the best interest of you M. Just tell him that again and again. Good luck. Stay strong and keep posting - there is tremendous support for you here.

Lizzie is exactly right. Unless you have exposed with your own lips, don't ever assume it has been done. When the WS exposes, the story is usually spun out of all recognition anyway.