"The members of Idiotville are circumventing the original issue. Why can't it remain one thread."

I will assert again, if you want I'ville to remain contained in one thread, why have YOU started 3 NEW threads about it.

I'm thinking you just like controversy, want people to post to you, want an excuse to rack up more posts, want to continue a thread you are arguing against (hipocrasy?) and come back later and say, "see, I told you so..."?

I did look at the first 2 pages of your posting using that feature before I made the comment.

Don't get me wrong. As you can see from the amount I post given the time I've been here, and I do read here daily.

Even if I disagree, most often goes without comment. Why? Because people use this forum for different reasons, but have been brought together because of simular struggles, and now have a common goal or direction.

Also it's the mods decision on what's fair play.

I have some of the same frustrations as you. Just because it does not line up with your or my vision of an ideal forum does not make it inappropriate.

What you are doing, I suspect you consider "championing a cause". I see it as adding fuel to the fire.

::::You have arrived at a place that thinks conflict avoidance and lying is the best thing to do in a marriage, and that's your opinion.

No matter how hard I try I can't convince myself that telling a BS about an act of unfaithfulness is always the best thing. I can't endorse it because of the agony they will suffer. So shoot me.


:::::You also believe that humans are genetically predisposed to infidelity, and that, once again , is your opinion and you are entitled to it.

I don't believe in God, so I have to understand infidelity thru the only means available to me. Is there any skin off your nose that I am creating my own pathway thru the infidelity maze? What's with the really sh*tty attitude?

It is compulsary for us all to believe the same? I am not a drone in sector seven. I have a mind and I can't twist it to think the same as you. Does that make me a bad person?

AN

So you don't believe in God and that means you equate us with animals. I can see how you would look to that. However, - many animals mate for life, and are not unfaithful - So does this affect your theory?

Just curious,

SP

anyname,

A few months ago, I got an MRI and later met with my neurologist. His words are still burned in my memory: ToddAC, you have a brain tumor. A very large tumor.

It caused me great agony. What would have been worse? If he had not told me. There were problems in my body and I needed to know about them. As long as I was unaware of the problem, there was no hope. If my doc had withheld the information from me, it would have robbed my right to choose whether to receive treatments or let nature runs its course. It was not his province to do so.

Similarly, there are problems in Jen and Rob's marriage. It is not Jen's right to withhold her meeting OM from Rob. Only he has the right to decide on treatment or not. Only he should get the privilege of deciding that his M is worth saving or to leave it in shambles.

So you are equating an affair to cancer. I truly like that much better than an addiction. Good one ToddAC.

I wasn't going to post to this thread again but the temptation got to great. My favorite grafitti of all time:


Sign hanging over a cartoon of Friedrich Nietzsche's deathbed

God is dead! - Nietzsche

Nietzsche is dead! - God

In no way am I equating the two. What I tried to highlight was the need to know. Besides, it is an inequation. News of infidelity was much worse.

Wow, Todd, that brought tears to my eyes. Blessings to you.

::::So you don't believe in God and that means you equate us with animals. I can see how you would look to that. However, - many animals mate for life, and are not unfaithful - So does this affect your theory?


Not many animals "pair bond" for life. Just a few. There's some interesting stuff about them btw. I can look it up if ya want. How boilogically we humans don't fit the profile of the animals who bond for life.

:::::It caused me great agony. What would have been worse? If he had not told me. There were problems in my body and I needed to know about them. As long as I was unaware of the problem, there was no hope. If my doc had withheld the information from me, it would have robbed my right to choose whether to receive treatments or let nature runs its course. It was not his province to do so.

Todd, interesting analogy considering that time and time again oncologists do NOT tell patients the truth, because quite often the prognosis is so grim. In your case, you are young and presumably your tumor was operable or at least treatable. My daughter gets frustrated at times with the level of ignorance in her patience, because her superiors have not told the patients the full extent of their disease. Now, the oncologists make a decision to delay the truth to give the patient extra "normal" time before they must face the reality of their disease. Do doctors have the right to do that? Probably not. But it's standard practise and it's done in the belief that it's kinder. My daughter is training to be an oncologist. Another standard practise is to give a lethal dose of morphine to the dying knowing their pain is so great and that just a little extra morphine will send them off. This is done out of kindness and not to preserve an agonising life.

I don't think Jen's contact with OM was significant enough to make trouble over with Rob. She told the guy to scram, and he's history again. I didn't read much after the initial postings but I think Jen has it under control and I just wouldn't put Rob thru any more pain. I am a BS who wishes I never found out. I have often told my H that if he had to cheat, the least he could have done was be more careful to protect me from the most painful experience of my life. I have a girl friend who never found out and she's blissfully happy in her life and I envey her that she didn't lose over 3 yrs of her life to total and utter dispair.

AN

Anyname - the overdose of morphine is the same as putting a sick animal down - right. Why aren't more people aware that this happens?

Are you visiting HK anytime soon. I would LOVE to see you for a coffee and a chat. Any plans? TT

I'll come for coffee, and I'll bring my kidney.

TT, they can O/D the patient on the grounds that the patient needs a heavy dose if it is to stem the pain etc. They know it will send them off. They don't usually do it until the patient is close to the end. It's never written up anywhere because the do gooders will make trouble IMO. DD has never talked about this with me BTW - it's shrouded in mystery.

We are trying to plan something OS. DD wants me to go on holiday to Croatia with her in July. It's like, if I must!! We thought H could join us after the holiday for a few days in the UK and then a few days in HK on the way home. There is something happening in HK in June too - but no word yet as to whether H will go. Are you going back the UK for the summer? How is HK anyway? Saw some stuff about it on a recent TV program. Made me feel nostalgic, but on a daily basis I don't miss it at all. Just the grotty old cardy I'm wearing and thinking how I need a trip down Fa Yuen to pick up a new model. I NEVER shop here. The price tags look like some sick attempt at humor!!!!

AN

Does anyone else have an issue with this quote from KiwiJ or am I reading this wrong?

"This has all made me think. I feel my fall from grace was taken much worse than if it had happened to someone else, because I have a "high profile" and people obviously had huge expectations of me."

I think the only expectations that have been put into question are the ones that her H should have been able to expect from her.... and expect from her today... because I think she is still holding on to this lie. That is not a huge expectation... honesty is the price of admission!

Yes I think it was taken far more seriously than if Imanonentity posted it. However it's fearful to see someone who knows the deal, and plays the game anyway... What does it show?

AN

AN,

For the record, the tumor is inoperable and they have not even done a biopsy because of the location.

I know my analogies are not very good; I am intellectually challenged regarding analogies, metaphors and similes. When you are diagnosed with a brain tumor, you quickly acquire a team of doctors. My experience has been the opposite of your DD's. The doctors on my team are painfully clear about my prognosis that I typically head them off at the pass.

But rather than labor on my sitch which was not my intent, I simply constructed a crude analogy to make the case for Jen telling Rob about her contact with OM. If I were Rob, I would want to know. The sting and hurt would be awful. The only worse thing I can think of is for it to have happened and I never knew about it.

The problem I have with that quote is this. KiwiJ is not high profile. Bill Clinton was high profile. KiwiJ is no different than any other average WW. The thing that makes her case a hot topic is that she was supposedly a person who adamantly advocated MB principles and then simply refused to follow them. IMO she is loving this attention. She wanted excitement in her marriage (by her own posted admission). Now she got it. She doesn't hurry to tell Rob because she is feeding on her new found attention. I have no expectations for KiwiJ to be faithful to her marriage any more so than any Jane Q wife. I expect her, as a believer in MB principles, to tell Rob without delay. She can cheat all day for all I care. She just needs to tell Rob and let him decide if he is willing to accept that. IMO KiwiJ was bored (again - by her own words). Now she is not. And now she has made MB part of her fantasy. The weather forecast fo Idiotville is extended fog. Probable travel delays.

ToddAC,

It's a shame about the cancer analogy. I was hoping you were going to make one. Like an A in a marriage being like a cancer. The sooner you caught it, the sooner the patient was aware of it, the prognosis and treatment options, the better the chance for recovery. Leave the cancer too long and the prognosis is not good. Having an A and keeping it a secret, the cancer in the marriage grows.

I do think Jen's high profile had something to do with the reaction. In one of my first posts about her newest development, I made the comment that it was like learning Superman cannot really fly. Imagine what a blow that would be.

Nobody's gonna read your thread NOW!!!! :P

That's arrogant humor again, if you just relax, you might just laugh about it.

KY

I tired head lice, I tried.

Just no good with analogies. Or metaphors as I discovered when I read "The Old Man and The Sea". I thought it was a book about a old man catching a big fish. According to my tenth grade Lit teacher, it wasn't.

Later, I had to watch the Italian film "Swept Away". Again to my little pea brain, it was a movie about a shipwreck. Sort of like Gilligan. Oh no, it was a study about "shifting power in relationships".

I am much too literal. Guess that is why I alwsys gravitated to math and science. Very dependable and no hidden meanings. Right?

kyellow,

Are you talking to me?

Are you talking to me?