I usually post on the recovery forum, not b/c I'm in recovery but b/c that is where I started my thread, but I thought I might get more input here. This is my plan B letter so far. I got it from a poster named Chivers on the Plan A Plan B forum. Bring on the red pens.

Thanks IAD


My dearest H,

It is truly sad what has happened to our marriage and us, and the path that I must take now is not one of choice but one of self-preservation.

I know I have made mistakes in the past and I am truly sorry for helping to create an environment that has made it possible for your affair. I do know those things I was lacking in - I just didn’t understand how important it was to us.

The past few months have been the most difficult time of my life. The pain and emptiness that I endure on a daily basis is almost too much to bear. My only consolation is the memories of the love we once shared, of the all good times we have spent together, your extraordinary qualities that led me to commit to spend my life with you and thoughts of us being together, someday happy again. Unfortunately, I now find those thoughts and feelings are slowly eroding away. Before I lose any more of the thoughts and feelings of what was once us, I must take some drastic steps.

As you know I am still willing to do whatever it takes to correct the mistakes that we have made in the past and make our marriage together stronger and closer than we ever thought possible. With all of my heart, I would like to build a new marriage with you. One in which we both feel loved, safe, and cherished. I simply cannot continue my efforts to rebuild our marriage while you are still involved with another person. It has become too painful. We can only rebuild our marriage, together, when you completely end your relationship with her.

Until that point, I feel I must break off all contact with you. I will avoid seeing you or talking to you or communicating with you in any way. I feel it is best to continue our current agreement on financial obligations and visitation schedule. I ask that you respect my decision to separate from you in this way. You must know the deep pain and humiliation I have endured because of your relationship with another woman. I simply cannot be in contact with you any longer and this separation is a necessity to preserve my love for you and to avoid poisoning all that we have shared together, and to give our marriage the best chance for recovery.

I will be willing to discuss our future together as soon as you are
•Willing to move back into our home
•Willing to permanently separate/have absolutely no contact with her
•Willing to construct a plan to ensure a complete separation from her
•Willing to attend marriage counseling to work on existing issues in our marriage

I have loved you in many different ways; as a girlfriend, as a wife, as a confidant and as a friend. I still love you today; I just cannot be with you or help you as long as you are still involved with someone else.

Your loving wife,
S

I think your letter is terrific.

But I'm concerned with this part: Does this mean you don't have a binding separation agreement? If you don't, what you "feel" and 50 cents may get you a cup of coffee. $4.50 at Starbucks. Have you considered a more binding agreement - if available in your locale?

We don't have legal separation in Texas so I don't know what else to do. He actually pays me more than he would have to for child support b/c he pays our house payment. Plus he gives me his half of all of our bills.

Any suggestions?

I understand. Perhaps you have no choice other than to file for divorce if he doesn't honor your agreement. Check this out, but I bet you can file to gain the protection, yet make it clear that you don't really want to divorce. I'm pretty sure that's the strategy available in some other states.

WAT

Reading your letter again, you have no provision for an intermediary. I didn't either, but I stipulated that the only communication I'd receive would be via e-mail for child issues only - except emergencies. We'd handoff our son outside of my (the fanily) home. Maybe you need something like this other than "break off all contact with you."

WAT

I was thinking about that too. I don't want to have an intermediary but I could put in there that he needs to drop the kids off outside the house and not come to the door. If he needs to contact me then he can email me unless it is an emergency.

Here is another letter that I found on spacecases plan b letter thread. It almost describes our case to a T but I didn't know if it was too long and trying to reason too much. What do you think?

Dear H,
You know I love you and adore you with my heart, my mind and my body. When we married I thought it would be forever and have never considered that we would be apart one day. The thought that we may not grow old together truly pains me. We have had great times and we had bad times, but we had each other and for 10 wonderful years it was enough.
I know we had problems. You have told me that I tried to control you, that I rejected your love by rejecting sex with you. You did not like that I was not independent and had ceased listening to you. I cannot change the past H, but I have learnt from my mistakes and I sincerely apologize to you. You know I have changed, you said you have noticed the changes in me. I am making them permanent and improving myself and my life. I am a better person. I make mistakes every day, but everyday I strive to be the best person I can be.
I have thought a lot about our marriage, our current situation and about where we are going. You know my thoughts and feelings. I love you, I want to be with you and work on making our marriage the best ever. I cannot guarantee it will last 50 years or 5 years, but I know that when we try together we do well. I am ready H, not to live together but to work wholeheartedly on our marriage. I commit to you and our marriage. We need help, we need counseling but it takes two of us, I cannot do it alone.
You have told me you need more time and that you are very confused. I feel so much for you as I know this is very difficult. You are at a crossroads in your life and feel that today’s decision will affect the rest of your life. Some decision are tough and are scary, but no one said life would be breezy, its supposed to be hard and painful. Then the easy times are even more delightful. I respect that you have taken time to think about your life.
However, you have chosen to spend time with one specific woman and possibly other. You have told me you are still in contact with her and like her. I do not condone it, or like it, but have no choice. You are the only person who can make choices for you and I will respect your decision. I hope that you will be happy in whatever you chose and that you find peace. You are my friend, my lover and my husband. I only want true happiness for you and do not wish any harm or ill to you.
To preserve the love I have for you and my own sanity I have come to a decision of my own. I need to stop seeing you until you decide one way or the other. The current situation is becoming extremely stressful and hurtful for me. This is not an ultimatum or a threat, it is simply ‘no contact’. I know that I risk loosing you forever, but I cannot continue to see you without putting pressure on you to make a decision. If you choose to come back and work on our marriage, I want to know that you have done it because you love me, not because you have felt pressured into doing it.
Please respect my decision and do not contact me unless it is an emergency. If you need to access the house or spend time with the dog, please contact me and I will arrange to have the house available to you at a time I am not there and will leave the alarm off. )I have changed the alarm code, so please do not access the house and set off the alarm).
I will continue to work towards moving from this house and will contact you should any particular emergency arise. All financial information will now be handled by my lawyer who will be in contact to arrange a financial separation. This can easily be reversed if you decide you can commit to me. Otherwise I think this will be for the best. I do not wish to work out financial arrangements with you directly as I feel that it will be too hurtful and stressful for both of us.
I hope with all my heart and soul that you will come back to me one day. Please make Om or Angie or any other woman aware that I am your wife and that I want to work on our marriage. Please be honest with yourself, with me and them.
I love you H, you will always be very special to me. I look back through our life and I chose now to only remember the good times and learn from the bad. I forgive whatever pain you have caused me and hope that in time you will forgive me too.
I hope we will be together again one day.
Your wife
Seahorse