Thanks LH for the response
you are great.

I need some input here.

Our anniversary is next month.
I'm bookink a weekend trip
would that be pushing too much at this stage
or it will be a good Idea?

Joe, I wouldn't suggest doing anything right now because if you move forward and expose this affair, it will likely be over by next month. If that happens, she will be in withdrawal and it may be hard for her to go away on a trip in that state. I would just play it by ear for now.

In the meantime, have you exposed the affair to the OM's wife and to your pastor? Do they both know this is a PA?

This exposure will likely kill this affair fairly quickly so I would urge you to do as soon as possible.

I would also strongly urge you to speak to your W and tell her you know this is a physical affair.

Ditto what Melody said.

Thanks MEL

so I'm playing by ear waiting for the pastors responce.
I told him 48 hrs ago.
so wish me luck.

Joe, what is your plan if the pastor DOES NOT find physical evidence? Does he plan on telling the OMW? Who will inform the OMW? Do you have an established plan of action for this?

21,

""Now IF I tell OM's wife at this point they will probably be allarmed
and stop the A for a while before the pastor finds out, and this is not good,""

So to keep the A going strong is good??? Something is not right in this scenario.

YOU tell the OM's wife NOW. Then YOU tell the pastor, along with all others on your expose list.

Are you holding back hoping the pastor tells OM's wife?

I think it would be much more effective coming from you. You would not [censored] foot around (like the pastor might) and your anquish and pain will come through in your discussion with her.

THEN THE A WILL STOP FOR GOOD!! Not ""stop for a while"" until....what? The pastor gives up?

JUST DO IT!

K

Joe, as you can see, others besides me are concerned that opportunities are slipping by. I go back to my question from yesterday. Will your pastor conclude his investigation in a short time and take decisive action?

BTW, you were going to call your pastor this morning and tell him everything you knew. How did that go?

Joe,
It sounds like you are waiting for someone else to be the bad guy. You are not the bad guy here, they are. Expose this before it is too late. Have enough respect for yourself and family to take care of these things and make them your responsibility. Do not allow this thing to take over and make an even larger mess than it already has. I am not saying this in anger, please picture a crowd standing behind you, psyching you up, because this has to end, NOW!

I am not going to give too much time if th pastor does not do or find anything I will call OMW.

Joe, what exactly did you tell the pastor? Does he know everything you know?

I would suggest that you will still have to contact the OMW. I understand you are waiting a bit. But you need to contact her so you become her ally in killing this affair and in ensuring she gets the full truth. Your alliance with her will help kill this affair.

The pastor knows most of it.

still can't get OMW phone or address.

Tell her that those kids are not to be exposed to her sleazy affair and should not be around the OM. That is OUTRAGEOUS that she is bringing your kids into this.

Is the OM not listed in the phone book?

I can hardly believe this is all happening at a Christian school right under the nose of the pastor, but I guess I shouldn't be too surprised.

Yesterday, you were going to re-confront your wife with the additional information you had. What's the latest on that? Add all this to the new confrontation. Let your WW know you will not tolerate OM having contact with your children. It's a boundary you cannot afford to let her push back.

Go see your pastor in person. Don't let this begin to stretch out unless you want your children to begin calling this other guy "Daddy."

If you need more evidence, perhaps you should hire a private investigator. A PI can also get the OM's (and OMW's) address...but isn't that available at the school?) as well as their phone number?

I presume you know his name. Have you used Zabasearch.com or Peoplefinders.com to find his address? Another search engine is People Search. They can be found here:

http://find.intelius.com/search-name.php?ReportType=1& His wife lives with him, does she not?

If you find his address, you find his wife's, right? If you find the address, don't waste time trying to find a phone number. Why not go to where they live and knock on the door? If she isn't home, I'll bet a neighbor will know how to contact her. You can leave her a note asking her to call you. If she doesn't within 24 hours, you go knocking on her door again.

Failing all this, in the thread on "Just Found Out," there are some suggestions on how to mount an intelligence operation. Have you used any of them? A GPS device mounted on your wife's car will give you the address she goes to. If you and she have Nextel, they have GPS devices built into their phones, btw.

Get things moving, Joe. Time is your enemy right now. You have to separate your children and your wife away from this man.

21,

May I please suggest that you forget about the pastor?

Too many variables and unknowns to count on him in your plan.

Do you know where the OM lives?? It should not be that hard to find the # if you put your mind to it.

Check the your W's phone records on the phone bill.

My FWW called the low life on his cell, at work, and at home.

Stay strong in this.

NO I don't know where he lives, the only calls on cell bill
are to his cell phone.

I'm not giving up but I might have found that site all too late

I uncovered the A about 3 weeks ago and I'm guessing by now
they have their story straight.
I know she told her mom that the act never hapened.
so he might tell his wife I'm a crazy guy.
any suggestion on handeling this would be appreciated.

Did you check out People Search? Find this OM and his wife, doing whatever you need to do. Don't worry about whether they have their story straight. It'll come out in the wash because everyone will see she's having an inappropriate relationship with him.

If you only have a cell phone number, do a Google search on "reverse directory." There are (pay) services out there that can take a cell number and look up addresses.

You need more information. Have you looked at this thread on garnering more intelligence?

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rt=all&vc=1


You'll have to give OMW what you have. The cell phone calls alone may do the trick. Additionally, the story about OM and your WW promoting a closer relationship with your children is good information. Understand, you are not going into a courtroom and trying to meet a high level of proof. OMW may even already have her suspicions. Don't go into exposure with her dreading the contact. You're working to gain allies in your battle against the infidels and to notify her of problems in her own marriage. To quote the old Nike commercial, "Just do it."

Yes i did the reverse lookup and the pay service only
gave me his name no address on file.

I will keep at it. I have other ways to find out.

thanks for the info.