Now this just may be me....but really, I seriously think that divorce is not easy period. And if there are kids involved, only households and where the kids reside are the main issues at hand.
Let's see.
What I am beginning to realize in my second year being a divorcee, is that there is NO real splitting. Not that prounounced. I mean, you STILL have to see your x now and then. Even if you have minimal contact such as I do. You STILL have to involve them in parenting if they have even an ounce of custody. And you will still have to bear to listen to the sound of their voice...even if it is only at sporting events or birthday parties...heck, with me, it's about 3xaweek....and have to see him sometimes before ds goes to school as I go to work really early and let him sleep in at xh's house which is near ds' school ...and will be until I move next year.
What I am getting at is this...the WS really thinks there will be some fantasy life with their OP. They REALLY do! My xh couldn't even wait a week to take his preggers bride down the aisle. Not one week mind you. Do the WS really think THEIR LIFE AFTER DIVORCE WILL BE MUCH DIFFERENT THAN BEFORE DIVORCE? Only thing I notice is less money and fewer headaches from dealing with an unrepentant WS. That's it really.
Sadly, you cannot legally wave a wand and separate all if there are kids. And even if there are no kids, they will forever be the "person I married". Yep.
Even my bf, runs into from time to time in his town his xw. She's living with her bf (guy she had EA with a few years back...at least had enough cajones to wait until their divorce was final to actually six months later finally be seen in public with her affair partner...unlike Darth).
So why is it the WS thinks life will be so drastically different with the OP?
If there are kids it will NOT be. There will be deadlines, lunches to prepare, runny noses and tummy aches to soothe, and laundry to do. THAT NEVER CHANGES. There will be vacuums to push, mortgages to pay, and dinners to prepare. Stories at bedtime to read.
You see, I am from the Orchid school of Reverse Babbling. I remember saying many many many times (even up until last summer to my remarried WS who married his preggers affair partner this)..."Now Darth. SHOW ME YOU'RE HAPPY. PLEEEEASE SHOW US. You'd best show me the happiest man on earth since you've done what you did. I dont want to hear about MORE cheating or MORE women...I want HAPPY DARN IT! SHOW ME YOUR HAPPY!"
And now today? Hmmm. I am rebuilding slowly a wonderful relationship with a guy who's mere voice makes my soul smile. Somebody who makes me feel good to be just me. Quoting one of my favorite movies "Bridget Jones' Diary", "He likes me just as I am." He is the absolute personality opposite of my xh. Good guy all around. And my xh? I pick up ds today after he spent my call night (last night) with darth. I get ds extra night this week to compensate for my having to take call...which is a little thing that I am forced to do as a working single mom and something that at least darth acknowledges...since it's his fault. Darth was apparently arguing loudly in his six thousand plus sq.ft. monstrosity of a lakehouse with his wistress wifey again in earshot of my ds.
I have had it with his "she's my soulmate" and "I'm happier than I've ever been".
I am sick to death of these silly and completely moronic WS who actually WORK THEIR TUSHIES OFF TO GET A DIVORCE BY BEING WAYWARD BEYOND BELIEF. I am sick of them b/c when all is said and done.....THEY AREN'T HAPPY AFTERWARDS EITHER.
How sad is it that I think my xh sought out another person NOT BECAUSE OUR MARRIAGE WAS DEFECTIVE....but b/c there was a piece of lost, a piece of darkness inside of him and he was TOO PRIDEFUL TO EVER SEEK HELP FOR THAT....and resisted any help from me either...only to rip apart his family and make the most disgusting choices I have ever witnessed only to be lashing out, yelling, and cheating some more ....after having married his "soul mate" OW.
And me? Peace in my home. Unrest only when I ponder his idiocacy. But peace. And happiness and tr anquility. My ds and I have happiness together. As I know unconditional love and so does ds. And I am happy with bf. Could be a good thing. We're waiting to see.
But sadly in the end, divorce changed little. Different residences, less time with the ds, and one spouse sleeps alone (by choice and darn happy) and the other is sleeping with their enemy now.
That's what the end result is. divorce due to adultery that is. Do the WS get the fantasy? Does it make them truly happy?
I don't think so.
