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Rant over-Self-loathing setting in
#1661732 05/17/06 07:08 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 177
M
MeOnlyBetter
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MeOnlyBetter
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M Offline
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 177
Yesterday, my posts were all about my H and how angry he was with me because of a car wreck (fender bender). As the day progressed yesterday and into today, I am finding more and more evidence that shows I was out of control, too. Problem is I don't remember some of it. I have to admit I was wasted and angry (bad combination). I am having a difficult time with forgivness to myself and my H. I don't understand how he can love me and I treat him so bad and vice versa. How do I stop and turn my M around? I can't do it alone, I know. It's hard to admit when your wrong, but something has to change or I may as well flush the last 26+ years of my life down the toilet.
Also, wanted to Thank everyone who replied to my posts yesterday. I needed someone to "talk" to.

Me 47 FWH 49 M 26years 2 DD 24, 22 D-day 10/03 Daledogsmom@yahoo.com *formerly known as Dougswife*
Re: Rant over-Self-loathing setting in
MeOnlyBetter #1661733 05/17/06 12:05 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 177
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MeOnlyBetter
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MeOnlyBetter
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M Offline
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 177
Found out later this morning that my H biggest concern right now is $$$. He wants to pay to have the damage fixed on my car and let the insurance people pay for the other guys. Anyway, bottom line is that I know that I have to become (once again) the calm, rational part of this relationship. That's how I was before and during the A. After it was over, did I let myself get crazy. While it was going on, I was a little afraid to do anything for fear of losing my H and M entirely. My H really is trying hard to make things work, 98% of the time he is a caring, loving man. Watch out for the other 2%, though. Maybe I should start writing all this in a journal, or better yet, tell my H about how I feel. He dosen't like me posting here, feels it's counter-productive.

Me 47 FWH 49 M 26years 2 DD 24, 22 D-day 10/03 Daledogsmom@yahoo.com *formerly known as Dougswife*

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