Little bit of background here.
I first starting seeing my now husband just as he was going off to university for 3 years. I was recently separated and suffering with mental health problems (agoraphobia, panic attacks, anxiety).
Okay. I always knew my husband had a quite a *past* and of course it made me insecure and on top of that he was now living 200 miles away and we'd see each other once a month for a couple of days. As the months past i kept finding out things that he'd kept from me like sleeping with prostitutes (before we were together), sending emails to friends saying how gorgeous the women were at his uni but he was stuck with me, i was finding out stuff that would make me more worried. I became more concerned that he was likely to cheat, then i was told that he dumping me and going off to Australia for his year out. He came down that weekend and we decided to stay together. Then, in the 2nd uni year he had the chance to go to Japan for 6 months, he chose to do that, but we were going to get married before he went. We had 3 weeks to arrange the wedding and a week before he was told that Japan had fallen through, he told me that he was fine with it - what he didn't tell me is that they offered him another place about 4 days later but he turned it down. Since then we've had the most horrible rows, he says the nastiest things to me. Because i was agoraphobic i hadn't worked but he told me last March that if i didn't get a job he was going to leave me, So i got a job and now i have 2 jobs but thats still not good enough for him. I do admit on several occassions i have hit him and i am not going to say its right BUT it was in retaliation to him calling my son from a previous relationship a ******. I saw red and went mad. He blames me for the worst 4 years of his life and that i've done nothing to enhance it at all. I am always being told i'm not attractive and he can't bare to touch me. He says its MY fault that he's put on weight.
I've not been perfect, i am a moaner. He gets home from work and thats him done. I've known him to sit for 13 hours at his computer playing games, completely rediculous.
Whereas i work Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Sundays but i still come home and cook/clean/garden/washing/look after my son....i don't complain about it.
He's not particulary nice to my son either, he likes to be in control of everything and will tell him off for anything and that makes me angry too.
The other night we had a row and we were in bed and he ended up hitting me in the face. That should have been the last straw but i think i do still love him. Don't know why - but i do.
When i got with him he was delightful in everyway, i loved doing things for him, now i just see him as a lazy control freak.
I would love for us to work out - but i don't know any more.
