Tomorrow is an anniversary. It is 13 years since my H and I started dating. Our 8th wedding anniversary is on Oct. 12th. <P>How do I handle these? <P>I asked my H today if he knew what tomorrow was and he had no idea. We used to always celebrate both dates -- why doesn't he remember anymore? <P>It seems like just yesterday...

It’s easier on him if he forgets/ignores these dates. He’s the one who filed so if he thinks of fond memories, then it will only drag him down.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

I have the same question.<P>Last year when I didn't know what was going on she "forgot" our anniversary. I knew she was "busy" and stressed out so I made no big deal. We celebrated the next day anyway which was a Saturday. This year I don't know what!

Anniversaries an special dates are always rough on us.<BR>Animac, I don't really have an answer, I know that last year things were just starting and of course our anniversary was completely forgoten ( he actually spent the day with her on that day. Ouch ).<P>Maybe you should try and do something special for yourself tommorrow. Something that not only wil make you feel good, but also keep you mind away from painfull memories .<P>Take care. Illbe thinking of you.<BR>Kat<P>------------------<BR>Each and everyone of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought, and the gift of understanding.

Hi annie - anniversaries really suck under these conditions. I concur with Chris - if he remembers it will only cause him more guilt than he's willing to live with. So he stuffs it down. Don't worry, that little voice in the back of his head will continually remind him.<P>Although our anniversary isn't until December, my 40th birthday was last week. No acknowledgment, no card, no voice-mail message. I wasn't expecting anything and I wasn't surprised. It's really horrible isn't it? Keep your head up and walk proudly.

Animac,<BR>The first time you pass ANY anniversary, or holiday, it is the pits. These are special times that are suppose to be HAPPY. They bring back memories, not only of the good times that you use to have, but the bad ones over the last year. Just hold the thought that the next one will be better, after a while, Every day becomes an anniversary, another day that you have gotten through. TIME.--- After 19mo of recovery, I am looking forward to The Special Anniversaries and especially Christmas this year. I agree with Chris, They ignor, that is how they deal with it. They don't do it to hurt you, that is something that I have come to accept, they do for themselves, they don't think how it will effect us, that is when communication is so important, let them know how you need a little extra to get through the day, be kind and gentle, don't be mean and mad, (that is our first responce, I had to learn this too) Do something to make a new memory so you can think back on that next year. It's all work, nothing just happens for us. <BR>Almost <P>--------<BR>TIME <p>[This message has been edited by Almost Happy (edited October 02, 1999).]

My birthday was four days and our aniversary was 13 days after he walked out. No one want to send me a Happy Birthday card they all knew what I was going through. I really dread the holidays. His parents want me to come to their house for Thnksgiving, it was there turn, but I can't and Christmas I just as soon go hibernate some where till it is all over. BUt I can't I have a three year old grandson who is already excited about Santa Claus. I just hope he is miserable through the holidays and is bombard by memories!!! He needs to suffer but I am afraid he is to far gone in his fantasy to care. <P>------------------<BR>di<BR>

Animac,<P>Anniversaries are very hard and I am not in the same position as you. <P>I will however pray for you with the hope that it is as easy as possible for you this year.<P>I agree with the others too. I think it makes it easier on them and they are in such fantasy land that they don't care or think of how we feel. If he remembered then he would feel guilty. Also by not acknowledging that he remembers (he may actually remember) he may feel he isn't giving you any false hope or encouraging you. I find with men (no offense guys!) they often take what they think is the easy way out. They hate communicating their feelings and so they just shove them off in a corner. (Also guys I think the men on this site are the rarity not the usual.)<P>I had a hard time with ours too. Our wedding anniversary is coming up in December. He has never ever done anything special too much for that. On our tenth he did but, now says that he wasn't in love with me way back then (we are coming up on our 16th). Hopefully this year we will do something special.<P>My only advise might be besides doing something special for yourself is to go way out and go away if possible. Go somewhere with a friend maybe. Some place you always wanted to go. <P>My thoughts will be with you on that day. <P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

On our 15th anniversary last April, he had two dozen roses delivered to my office with a card that read "I love you. Don't ever think otherwise." He came for dinner and left again. I didn't even get a kiss. If that's love... <P>A month later, I found proof of how he had been cultivating - and that's exactly what he does - relationships with other women all along. I filed.<P>I'm better off without him. I couldn't see it then, but I do see it now. <P>You'll be okay Annie. <P>------------------<BR>Bobbie<P><p>[This message has been edited by Patient (edited October 02, 1999).]

Thanks for the well wishes. I want to do something for him, but I know I probably shouldn't. <P>I wish I were a poet. I wish I could put into words all the memories I have and how special he was to me back then, and still is.