well guys, I think I am accepting the fact that my marriage may not be salvageable. As some of you know, my WH and I were supposed to be moving in together next month when we were done with residency and fellowship.

There were times when I believed the A was over, and times I knew it was back on again. I truly believed it would end. But, yesterday I never felt to betrayed by my WH. I found out he was on a vacation with the OW. I called him and confronted him. I guess I caught him off-gaurd, and he nothing to say, except that he believed our marriage would not make it.

Up until last night, the only people who knew were my family and his family, and the OW's family. And I told them 6 months ago. So, I picked up the phone and I called everyone else I knew or he knew and told them of the affair. I re-exposed to OW's parents...it was interesting b/c they thought the A was over. Some were very sympathetic, while others were cold, and others just said "they didnt want to get in the middle of it." I did remain calm in all of my conversatiions, but I just feel horrible. And I dont know why.

My WH called me and yelled and yelled. He called me every name in the book. He said we were getting a D. I didnt say anything... nothing at all. I hated him that moment.

I feel horrible. I havent felt this way since I first found out. I dont know what I want to do. I hate that things turned this way.

I am not very good at this whole thing.. but this seems like the time to do a plan B...Get yourself away from his anger.

stella, i also thought the affair had ended and found out that it was lies, lies and more lies......

i also contacted OWH and my H family again and he was , of course, so very angry at me.....

but we both did what we had to do.....what was best for our marraige and what could lead to what we want...for the affair to end so that our marriage has a chance to be restored

i do think it is time for plan B......

I think you did a great job.

I'm not convinced that Plan B would be best right now though. I haven't read your whole story though so I could be off base.

Your WH is so very typical. He allowed you to believe the A was over, went deeper underground and continued to be a cake eating fence sitter.

When you found out the A is still going on you confronted him about it and exposed again and expanded the origianl exposure circle. Again, Good For You!!

He yelled and called you names because you made it uncomfortable again for him. He had settled in nicely and you screwed it up. How nice would it have been to see the look on thier faces when they found out even more people know and OW has been exposed as continuing to be a homewrecker while lying to her family. Perfect.

He told you he didn't think the marriage would survive when he was busted to justify his actions. OW could have been around too. Regardless, it's babble to protect and justify. If he had said that without the benefit of being on vacation with and sleeping with a woman he's not married to, maybe you could buy his babble. If he left first or told you he was having doubts that rather than planning on moving back in together, maybe he'd have a smidge of credibility. But listening to to a guy back peddle while being caught with his pants down on vacation with another woman, that's silly <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

If you still want to work on your marriage I'd stay in Plan A. Let him be mad at you for telling people about his choices. That's to be expected anyway. Respond to his anger with calm assurance that you are the warrior for your marriage. Confuse him with your calm in the face of his spiteful anger. (I enjoyed that part) His anger will seem all the more ridiculous, even to him.

Tell him only that you are taking whatever steps are necessary to save your marriage. Babble back at him when he gets mad. If you want to save your marriage and he tells you he's getting a divorce, tell him you'll talk to him about restoring your marriage only.

In the horrible affair world I've noticed that this is a fairly common set back. I've also seen it overcome though.

IF you want to keep trying I think you may still have a chance. If not, you're certainly within your rights to walk!

FIM