Today is my 10th anniversary and here I am spending it alone. My wife and kids are away on vacation, and I don't know what I'm going to do. We've been emotionally seperated for 8 months and physically for 4. Even though I'm not living at home, and I have been apart from them for a while, I just don't know how to cope with today. In previous posts, I explained my situation, and even though I've done things to improve myself and my self esteem, there has been no change in her attitude or position about the marriage. I've continued to go to IC and have continued to strengthen my faith and relationship with the Lord, but the more that I seem to be growing, the more she seems to stay the same. I know I can't change her, but what is a man to do when all I want is to be with her and my family?
I sent flowers to her hotel room, but I don't know if I should call? I really want to talk to her, but what could/should I say? We haven't talked about the marriage in months because that's what she wanted(space and time to work on herself), but from what I see, she's done nothing. She's not going to counseling, not going to church, still hanging out, and still treating my like crap almost every time we're around one another. And even though these things are so, I still love her and would do anything to be with her. My counselor continues to try and make me see that I should be angry with her, but I can't.
I believe that nothing is too hard for God, and I'm believing in Him for the restoration of my marriage, but in the mean time, I'm going crazy. This is a week that we traditionally take off together and celebrate Mother's Day, our anniversary, and my birthday, and this year I've been alone for 2 of the 3 so far, and they'll still be away on my B-day too. Every time a significant holiday would come up, I would say to myself, "she can't just ignore it", but over the past 8 months, we've gone through Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, Valentine's, Easter, now Mother's Day and by the end of the day, our anniversary without as much as a hug, or a peck on the cheek, or even an acknowledgement of our lives together. It just seems so unfair that I'm trying so hard and have seen no light at the end of the tunnel. Since they've been away, I've done some work that needed to be done in the house, because when they're home her demeanor creates an awkward feeling. I've even sent her money while they've been away. I just don't know what else I can do.
My only friend is working today, but he did call and say we could go out for dinner or something tonight. That's a great gesture by him, but I don't even know if I'll go because I know that all I'll be thinking of is her. My counselor told me that maybe I might consider doubling up on my anti depressants this week, but up until now, that hasn't worked either. I haven't eaten for 3 days and haven't slept for 2.
Somebody help me to cope with the reality of today, without giving up hope for tomorrow!

fullofregret - Hugs to you from California.

If you are having money problems, and working 2 jobs, why is your wife on vacation?

Does she work outside the home?

full - I've read some of your thread on EN, not all of it.

Move home.

Stop spending money.

Be the best Dad you can be.

If she wants "space" she can move out. Before that, you get a binding financial plan that requires she pull her own weight since she decided to move out.

Your explanation for moving home: I want my family intact. I believe our marital problems are fixable. I'm here to start to work.

Don't believe the crapola about her doctor recommending you move out for her health reasons. Pure crap. Ask to see THAT prescription. No refills.

Move home. In terms of her 'physical' manifestation of her 'mental' state, well, depression can cause pain. Making life more difficult for the both of you, avoiding the problems, is only going to make the pain worse. It sounds like an excuse.
Take a serious look at your finances/expenditures (dinners out, fast food, lunches out, impulse buying, frivolous things). It sounds like financial security is something that your W is looking for. If financial security is that important to her, take it seriously, and the two of you can brainstorm ways to increase cash flow.
Always lead with the truth--you want to work on your M, live in your home, be with your children to prevent unnecessary damage. Are you legally separated? I only got a blip of your story from EN's, but it sounds like things are very one sided.

I don't know what the heck is going on. I had a bittersweet birthday on Saturday. Sweet, because my family came home from Florida and I got to see my kids, bitter because, I think my wife has really lost it. I did so much stuff around the house, and she came home and had the audacity to be mad because I was there doing stuff. She left the kids with me and went out again. When she came home I took the kids to her cousin's house and went to talk to her one on one. She just layed in the bed while I talked for 40 minutes. She said nothing the whole time. I poured my heart out to her, and she had NOTHING to say. I left and the next day I picked the kids up for church. I took them to church and when I brought them home, she wasn't there. Later that night, I found out that when she left on the day before, she went and got her tongue pierced, to match her navel that she got done in Florida. I was like WHOA!!! Who is this woman and what has she done with my wife!!! I think that she is doing everything she can to make me angry to the point where I would divorce her. I just don't understand, if she wants to be apart why won't she make a move. I dread that day, but at this point, I'm so hurt that I don't know if she can hurt me any more than she already has. I try to appeal to her sense of reason, and I tell her that she has kids that she setting a bad example for, but then she'll say that she's grown and can do whatever she wants. I can't believe that the woman that I married, who would die for her kids, has such a nonchalant attitude about the things that she's doing. I dunno what I'm gonna do. I think that I might just take my stuff and move back home, but I don't know if that's gonna make a difference to her. She might just get even more wreckless, and then blame it on me for being there. Not that her blame concerns me, it's the wreckless behavior, that the kids would be subjected to. Then what if she decides to leave and tries to take the kids too. They don't deserve that turmoil. I'm just lost. HELP!!!!!

Remeber, she is not 'herself' right now. I'm pretty sure that she is feeling like she has wrecked things already, and she has no happy, so she will go and get it. I'm in a very similar place with H, but am doing my best to keep it together. She will not hear you until she is ready. Why did you move out, if I may ask? I decided to 'ambush' my H today with all of my concerns, and it only pushes him into a corner; so don't do what I've done. Avoid the negatives, take care of yourself and your kids; you are not her father, she does not require your guidance. She needs a man. It's so odd that the feeling you express here are very close to how I feel. I wake up in the morning and wonder, " Is today the day that I tell him to go away?" "How can I go on?" Hopefully, piercing her tongue is the long of it, but if there is other abuse, then worry. A tongue piercing is really no biggie in the grand scheme of things. Please don't take offense, but the reaction you have is prolly mostly to her making decisions that are selfish, not the actual decision she has made, yknow. Again, why aren't you there? Did she make you leave? You do have a right to be in your home with your children until a decision has been made; absence doesn't make anybody's heart grow anything!

As I posted in the Emotional Needs, she asked me to leave, saying that her doctor suggested it. She said that she needed time and space to work out her own issues. She also said that we would get counseling, but neither of those things have happened from what I can see. She doesn't go to counseling, and won't talk about the situation with anyone. I've told her that she's not gonna just wake up one day and everything is gonna be better. She really needs to address her "self proclaimed" issues. I would love to be home and that's why I'm considering just going back, and if she doesn't want to be there, then she should go. I don't want to put pressure on her, but I do want her to do something. You're right, I am more upset that she makes independent decisions, because I tend to always think about how any/all of my actions will affect her and the kids.

Oh, that's right, I believe that I did respond to your earlier post, I'm sorry for forgetting. You should be at home; you cannot work on anything apart. If she then chooses to leave, then she can go. Really consider going home. You are not putting pressure on anyone by trying to be happy yourself, and being in your own home. It's my advice, but being closer physically makes it harder to ignore the situation forever, and harder to give up on the M. It's easier to let doubt become real when the thing that is the issue is nowhere to be found. Go home. Stake your claim to the life that you are trying for. I put my H and son first, too, and it hurts when the favor is not returned. I hope someday soon that it will be. Staying away is not trying to recover, it is opening the door to end everything without a chance.