I do work with him. It is a fulltime job. I have been thinking about finding another job now, I just became vested so I wouldn't lose the employers contribution on my retirement. But my co-workers are like my family. I don't have any family here. WH's family, our friends and our co-workers are my family. I feel like I'm not just possibly losing my H but my entire life except my kids. As you know, in texas our spouses can keep us from moving out of state. So moving back to my home state is out of the question.

I don't want to work in Austin though. I need to stay close to where we live b/c of my kids. I have been thinking of applying at Dell. Do you have any contacts there? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />



We are not a military family. My WH is in law enforcement and his skank is a CPS worker. That's who all of the detectives have affairs with, I thought my H would be different.

When is your divorce final? When I consulted with a lawyer she told me that if I wanted to keep the house I wouldn't have to refinance it in my name, it would be awarded to me in the divorce and H's name would be removed from it. Can you talk to your lawyer about that? Maybe i misunderstood my lawyer. That's what I would like to do but right now I can't afford it. If I could get a better paying job then I would love to keep our house. We just moved in 1 month before d-day and the kids and I love it here.

Hi Lem--one of my favorite posters here by the way!

I don't harbor hope for a reconciled marriage anymore. I mean that 100%. i feel a little labeled saying that on a marriage-building website, but I believe I have wholeheartedly marriage-builded while here. I stay here for the support, for the fact that I still am learning who I am and what this has really done to who I am. In fact, Pep's post to dazed here really hit home to me today, and made me really think of what I have put up with--and more importantly why I have put up with it for so long.

I always told myself I would work on it no matter what. But that was a self-degrating attitude to have. I mean, we are supposed to sacrifice for others--but goodness no we are not supposed to take a beating for the sake of another's happiness. Unconditional love is a farce--as someone said here, we need to have conditions, or else we set ourselves up for abuse. I call those conditions the boundaries I have set up for myself. And I am getting stronger daily sticking by them.

He filed, Lem, way back when I was pregnant and didn't know 100% about the A and all it entailed.

I feel free from this--not defeated.

I love that statment above. Very insightful and portrays so much of what I want to say when people so often confuse loving yourself and having self resepect versus being a doormat.

When I hear phrases like "Pan A for life"....I want to point them to that statement. THERE IS A REASON THAT IT IS MEANT AS A VERY SHORT TERM PLAN.

Take care

Lem

P.S. You have become a instant favorite of mine with your excellent advice and insight today. It is not often that I am left speechless by such insight. You and that rubberband girl have both hit homeruns with your insight here. Now lets hope inadazed CHOOSES to change her life and use this insight to her advantage. Untill anything CONCRETE is done, it is all "lip speak" in my book. But that is just me.


Lem

Hmm...so is the OW familiar with him because of his job? Is that how they met?
If so, and if you've read this boards lately, then you know he can't work with her and have any sort of contact. So you could keep your job and he could change his. I'm not as good with the linguistics of all the NC and stuff, but maybe someone else could help out there.


I don't know when it will be final. Soon, I guess. As for the house thing, what my lawyer said was that the papers could say I no longer had any interest in the house, but the mortgage company would still have my name on the mortage papers, making me liable if he defaulted on the loan. And I don't trust him with that much of my financial future.

And yes, you can be forced to stay in texas--I am in the papers. But if he ever leaves, then i can. But i would never leave anyway as long as he was involved in the boys' lives. They come first there.

Yes they met through his work but he has changed positions and does not have contact with her through work anymore. The possibility is there still but not likely. That is the one thing I could not ask him to do (leave his job) I would divorce him before I ever asked him to give up his rank. With law enforcement he couldn't just go to another department and keep his rank. He would have to start all the way at the bottom again and he will more than likely be promoted to Lt. within the next few years. Maybe he deserves that b/c of his choices but I can guarantee that would cause a huge resentment and we would end up divorced anyway.

On a selfish note, b/c he would have to start at the bottom he would probably get a decrease in pay which would affect our financial well being.




Hmm... I will have to check into that again. When I talked to my lawyer I made it pretty clear that WH would not want to remain on the house but I would like to keep it if I am able. Also the vehicles. Both of our names are on the vehicles and I didn't want to have to refinance any of it. She really made it sound like there would no responsibility on the other person once it was awarded in divorce. I need to go have another consultation. I had that one at the very beginning of this.

When this first happened I really thought I would want to move back to my homestate but now I know that I don't. But I hate the fact that WH made/is still making bad choices and I'm the one that is restricted. I wouldn't want to take the kids away from their father but it sucks that I don't even have the choice.

Hi inadaze--just wanted to check on you. I e-mailed you also about meeting for lunch sometime since you are so close.


I know. I feel this same way. It eats my mother alive. She wantes me to move by here--all the way in Ohio!!! I grew up in a military family, and moved ALL the time. The place I called home the mpst was a town outside of New Orleans. After Katrina, everyone had to leave and all my family lost their homes, etc. down there. So the home I do remember is gone. High School and all.

I am trying to look at the road ahead as an adventure. I didn't choose to play the game like this, but darn it--I sure wanna win! So I'll make the best of it.

Take Care.
Intexas

Thanks for checking on me. I had a really rough day yesterday. Very emotional, I felt like I did 8 months ago. Cried at the drop of a hat. It's almost like it reenergized me. I feel fine today.

I have made a decision after reading your thread that I am going to see the OW. I have never seen her and it eats at me. I don't hope to accomplish anything from it, I just need to do it for myself. Not sure when I'm going to, just know that I am.

So your mom lives in Ohio, where at in Ohio? I am from Indiana. Lived there until I was 22 then moved here, met my H a week after I moved here. Sorry to hear about the rest of your family. Are they trying to rebuild there or have they moved?

I look forward to meeting you.

Hope you are having a good day