Yes, believer, we learn from others and I'm glad you're here so I can learn from you. Thanks again.

Hey Leslie,
I just skimmed your thread and it sounds like you are doing a great job. I saw that you mentioned Nashville and I wanted to let you know that I am close to you if you need any drive by spy services in the future. I'm in Rutherford County, so let me know if I can be of any affair-busting service to you!

Jean,

Thank you for your offer. I will definatly keep it in mind. Please feel free to consider me for the same reason. Additionally if you ever just want to talk to someone close who can give you mental and moral support let me know.

I took your suggestion and posted another thread. Link is below

Hubby wants to come home for finanacial rasons?

Okay thought I would link all my postings so if anyone in instered in keeping up with what is gonig on it would be easier to. I have received so much support that I am hoping that by my sharing this nightmare that I am in may in some way benefit someone else. The links to my postings are at the bottom of this page.

Right now unless I can come up wtih additional reasons to continue to Plan A, I will be entering Plan B on Friday. I will use the time between now and Friday to continue to expose the A to those who I think who may have some impact in either H's or OW's life.

The goal is to create enough stress between them that the a is no longer pleasureable to either one of them. While this does not mean H will return to me it does ensure that there is a greater likelyhood of his doing so then by not exposing at all. Even though I understand the reasons and the necessity of exposure it is truely something I hate doing. However as was told to me, "As long as there is OW, there is no Marriage". Those are words I will never forget. They hit home with me.

My story so far
Hubby wants to come home for finanacial reasons

Need Help Now Please

H is furious because I talked to OW again. Finally got him to talk to me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Hate that it took this to get him to talk, but let his words go in one ear and out the other.

The whole time he was talking everytime he would take a breather I would tell him that I love him and that I am not ready to say our marriage is over. (Good news here is he never said it was either)

He wants me to write an apology letter to OW, (wonder if he thinks I should say, Dear OW, I am sorry for letting you F my H.) Not a chance I will do anything like write her a letter.

My reply to him, was that he needs to write the NC letter and I will mail it.

I told him we need to go for MC he said he would go, (but from the anger in his voice sounded like he was just going to us MC as a bashing me session) His last words before he walked out of the room angrily was He'll try. (his attitude sure doesn't show that though)

Not sure what to think at this point.

Do you think he would agree to a session with Steve Harley at MB's? I would highly recommend it for you two?

I don't really want to tell him about this site because right now it has a lot of my thinking process in it. I would personally love the counseling with Steve Harley, but with finances the way they are I can't give up the $$$$$$$ needed for counseling here when if I go with one our provider list then insurance will cover it.

Gotcha...

Aside from saying that OW was ending the A (probably not), has he said that HE is ending the A?

It sounds like he knows he will be financially screwed, so he would like to keep you both as long as possible. He'd probably like to move home to continue to eat cake.

Him saying he wants you to write OW an apology letter is ludicrous. If anything, she should apologize for having an A with your husband. She's only a couple of years older than one of his kids. I seriously doubt your kids would accept their relationship. I hope he realizes that he stands to lose a relationship with your sons. (I understand that the older one is a SS to your and he has been less than wonderful Dad to him and your grandchild. That must be painful for all.) I hope OW doesn't get pregnant before he ends it.

If you go to plan B, make sure your letter clearly states all the conditions which must be met to be able to come back and reconcile.

It would be great if he would have a session with SH.

Trix makes some great points regarding OUR TYPES OF SITUATIONS.

My FWH is so THANKFUL about the R he has with our sons now. Our sons definitely would not have accepted the OW and he fully knew that. If he decided to stay with her, he would have given up having a R with them.

Someone on MB, I think it was ESPOIR (where is that wonderful woman now) encouraged me to hint this issue to my H.

Espoir also urged me to make reference to the FOW's probable desire to get pregnant as Trix suggests. Wow, was this right on. My H tells me that this was the last thing that she started asking about although he tried to make it clear that he didn't want anymore children....

So I would try to forewarn your H about this...

This is the pattern of the young, single OW....This stuff is SOOOO SCRIPTED...

She may see this as a way of holding onto him..what else does she have?..plus this way they try to more equalize themselves with us..YUCK...

Leslie,

Reading your latest it occured to me you have more control of the situtation than you may know. I believe your H wants back, but like most WS's who are at this point, he is taking the path of least resistence.

If you want a true first recovery, and if you are courageous enough to take more steps to ensure it, which I think you are. I'd suggest you keep him at bay UNTIL he stops defending and contacting the OW and enthusiastically agrees to all your recovery requirements. I believe you have full leverage to play this hand. He has four more days to decide, then its Plan B for him

Are you ready for divorce? Because Plan B is not to manipulate your spouse, but for the BS to protect what love is left and to prepare for divorce.

Jo

I'm at not at all questioning the value of PLAN B.

However, I have a question, Resilient.

I keep hearing folks saying that PLAN B is preparation for divorce. I can't find where Dr. Harley says that. He says PLAN B is RISKY but seems to see it as part of a PLAN to save the marriage..A LAST RESORT...

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html

This section in particular leads to my question:

Yes Mimi, its in my HARD copy of SAA. In addition, Steve Harley discussed the Plan B prep for divorce issue with me in my counseling sessions with him several times.

The MB quote you site above are "excerpts" of SAA. And not the book in its entirety.

Jo

Resilient:

I understand what you are saying.

That's why I had the question. Everyone's situation is different.

Steve didn't counsel me to prepare for divorce. He was pretty sure that my H's affair would end once I did PLAN B but my H was a cakeeater from the start...wanting to hold onto both me and her from D-Day...

Lets put it this way. If you go into Plan B without preparing for divorce, where do you go from there. Back to Plan A ... Plan "I Don't Know", Plan "Limbo", Plan "No Plan", Plan B Indefinitely ... etc.

Plan B for 2 years then the Love Bank is empty..

From my understanding, that's the time frame he recommends.

He's given that recommendation to folks lately on his radio broadcast, hasn't he?

Most As die a natural death after that time frame, right?

I personally wasn't PLANNING on getting a divorce. My H would have had to divorce me and he didn't seem to have that PLAN. I did get a LS, though.

That's just me...

I remember asking Steve over and over: "Do you think there R will last? He would always say: "NO WAY!"

But, he had talked to my H a few times and gotten some information on which he based his replies.

This is no different than his traditional recommendation, which I am fully aware of. So who is recommending anything different than the above???????

I'm not in a dispute with you..

I was just trying to answer the question you asked me regarding PLANS.

The PLAN would be to wait two years and then DIVORCE.

That's just the way I interpret it is all. I certainly could be all wrong.

No Problem...

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