Is there a reason why your WH would need to know about this website if he were to talk to SH or Jennifer Chalmers? Isn't it possible that they wouldn't need to refer to Marriage Builder's? He probably wouldn't see the bill. But I understand if it isn't affordable because it isn't covered by your insurance.

I hope you can find a counselor familiar with MB or something else very pro-marriage. We tried a few counselors. The first one we went to basically heard my WH tell me he wasn't in love with me anymore. It seemed she just wanted to help me get comfortable with that idea and prepare for DV. She took him at face value. We didn't go back. He was still very deep in his A. The other two were mainly the listening and feeding back type that weren't really constructive or actively pro-marriage. It is very difficult to find pro-marriage counselors that 'get it'.

The last counselor we went to was somewhat helpful. He was a Rational Emotive Therapist. Our pastor referred him. He got my H to understand the meaning of real commitment and take responsibility for his choices. MB was the most helpful.

Like Trix, I strongly recommend a MB session.

My H has never come to this site but was willing to talk to Steve H. several times.

He was in individual counseling with a person who enabled his A..left the session and spent the whole weekend with the OW..I will never forget that...

Marriage counseling proved to be a waste of time, too...

I credit the MB Counseling..along with the daily assistance here... for our Recovery...mainly based on the specific coaching that I obtained from Steve Harley...He told me EXACTLY what to SAY and what TO DO...

Mimi,


Did exposure end your H's affair or did it end of it's own accord? What is going through my mind now is since H never really had a chance to end it, he will always wonder "What IF".

I guess the OW hasn't called him today other then when she told him that I told her father otherwise he wouldn't still be here.

As you said the working around the house didn't stop your H from missing the OW just as I'm sure it's not for mine. The work around the house is simply his way of keeping busy and I'm sure it beats sitting in his hotel room.

I have sent him and e-card that he will get at work tomorrow saying that I miss him. Other then doing that for tomorrow not much I can do since I typically won't see him during the week.

I know his attitude today was cold and distant and as you said, I think he was just waiting for me to become negative and it's aggravating him that I haven't.

It's so difficult having him here while he's this way. I'm actualy glad he is not living here right now. It's been a very long and trying day here. H trying to keep himself distant emotionally and me pretending it doesn't hurt.

LH

Since I can't go back and check craigs list that far back, my best guess is H was looking at cars on the web site and found her ad and contacted her.

Either way it's not good because if he was looking at cars then why was he checking ads.

I'm just glad I found the missing link. It was something I was determined to find out.

Trix,

Well first of all not knowing the counselors at MB I will still belive they would quote and refer to this website. Some day I would like to have H visit this website but we are a long way from that day. Right now, I have to much information here that one day my attorney will need. I can't afford to let him know everything I have at this point.

My goal is to save my marriage but in the long run should it not be possible, I still have to look out for myself financially.

I have a counselor in mind that is covered under our insurance plan so I want to talk to him and see if he is Pro Marriage and get a feel for him.

I use to think I knew my H like the back of my hand and woudl have told you without a doubt there was no way he would agree to counseling via the phone, now though it seems like I don't even know who he is. One thing that has not changed is he is still a frugal man. Hence the reason he wanted to come home, which for the record I have nixed that idea at least until he can show some sincerity in working on us. So I would still have to say that he would not be willing to try counseling here.

Exactly. That's something you'll need to address with him someday later in the recovery. Craigslist isn't set up so a car ad will appear in the same section as "Women Seeking Men."

I would warn you not to believe anything that the OW says.

She should be viewed as your enemy and will lie to you for her own purposes.

I wouldn't talk with her anymore if I were you.

The entire process, I think, ended the A. D-DAY, EXPOSURE, PLAN A and PLAN B...each aspect played a part.

8:39 and he is still here. Granted outside with our son but geeze, still wishing he would leave. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night and if he doesn't go soon, I'm gonna have to tell him good night and just go to bed.

I am trying to stay up just in case he tries or wants to initate any conversation with me tonight

Oh I told him it was nice having him here today and thanked him for working around the house. This time he didn't look so horrified when I said it.

GOOD WORK!!

Hugs to you..I remember those PLAN A DAYS...YUCK...

All of this is SOOOO hard...

Hang in there..

You are doing GREAT!!!

9:35 p.m. and H just left. Son left about 15 minutes earlier so since I knew H was sitting outside I went out to talk to him for a few minutes.

Mainly just told him I was here for him, I still have faith in our marriage and asked if there was anything I could do. "His reply, I've already done enough F'g S**t. IT's okay I let it go, I know he is grieving. Main thing which I feel I was successful at was letting him know that I am here and I know our marriage is not over. (He did wind up crying, guilt, depression, lonely, withdrawal) dunno but still glad to see the emotions.

I offered to let him sleep on the couch if he wanted to tonight. (My thoughts is for whatver reason he felt the need to spend the day here) his reply was he'd sleep in the car first. (Again in one ear and out the other) I seem to be good at letting things go like that anymore.

Does it make sense to anyone that while withdrawn from me today he still wanted to be here?

I think he understands, though perhaps only on a subconscious level, where he should be and who he should be with. Beginning to get emotions from him is a positive, IMO. He has to hit bottom before he can get back up.

"Withdrawn" is a matter of degree, don't you think? He's a lot less withdrawn than he was last Monday, for instance. Progress is a slow, meandering series of baby steps.

I guess his "Mother Ship" has landed in my driveway disquised as a car. Perhaps there is some remote control bed in there? Who can make sense of this one, last night before I went to bed I offered to let H sleep on couch and his reply was he'd rather sleep in the car. He left then but about 3 minutes later he came back. He slept in his car last night.

He had accused me of being insane yesterday morning, but I tell you I'm not the one sleeping in my car. This is truely not the proud man that I married. I'm starting to wonder if he even still has a room at the extended stay hotel he had been staying at.

I am getting scared that he may be close to a mental breakdown. HELP anyone ever encounter anything like this?

Lordy, lordy ...

Parked in his driveway sleeping in his car. Now I've seen it all.

Perhaps he just feels massive guilt and doesn't feel right about sleeping in the house YET.

Maybe car-hop the camper some coffee to help him wake. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Jo

Resillent,

I beat you to the idea. I ran to the store this morning and got him a cup of coffee. He was already leaving so I showed him the coffee cup and he rolled down the window so I jumped out of the car and gave it to him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

When my H was a WH he was like a crack addict, especially when he was hitting his bottom.

I described him as "TEMPORARILY INSANE"..

He did lots of "CRAZY" unexplainable things and even called himself "CRAZY"..

That's why I am one that says that this is like an addiction...I think..especially when they are with these young women...

Steve Harley actually called the OW in my case..a DRUG DEALER...

They get a high from the ADMIRATION/ECTASY or WHATEVER they produce when they are together...

IMO, your WH is trying to cope with the EXPOSURE and it is GREAT that he is SUFFERING...

His suffering is a GOOD THING, Leslie...That's what will motivate him to LET HER GO...


If you go into RECOVERY, he will really, really need your help and your strength because he will come back to you EMOTIONALLY WOUNDED....

Truly a tragedy for us all...

Also, unfortunately, could be that the OW broke up with him and he is going through withdrawal from missing her...

They do alot of that BREAKUP TO MAKEUP..the OW's strategy to get him..playing hard to get...so he will be vulnerable to contact that she has with him now..he might be pursuing her and if there is a REUNION between them it will be "EARTH-SHATTERING"..(Mimi sighing)

So, I agree with Resilient....be comforting...give him some coffee..continue with PLAN A..until ?

Mimi,

So based on his actions last night are you thinking I need to stay in Plan A?

I agree 100% that he is going through withdrawal since the A broke up not by his choosing but via exposure. So I'm wondering even though exposure ends it sooner is it really the best vs letting one play itself out and ending on it's own?

Hopefully by expsosing to the OW's father it will have finally ended it. I know she didn't contact him yesterday after telling him that her father knows because he spent the entire day at my house.