Okay trying to think positive here. I told H I would be ready to go at 3:30 if he wants to go. This way I'm going to leave him alone all day and he can think about it.

If he decides not to go, then I think I'll leave then anyway and just go to work or a movie or something.

He did say it depends on if there are a bunch of kids there are not. I replied, I have no way of knowing until we get there. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I've been catching up on your thread.
(((Leslie))))
go...even if he doesn't go with you. Have some fun for yourself...you deserve it!

ChaCha,

I don't want to go without H. This would be my first time ice skating and I want it to be with him. I'm still hopefull that we will go though.

But if not, then at least I know I followed through on the assignment, and then I'll probably wind up going to a movie or to work. (The extra pay sure comes in handy right now) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well H never went ice skating. His reason, he was working on my truck. Even though we could have taken his car and he could have finished working on my truck tommorrow. No I didn't get mad or say anything.

As soon as he was finished I got dressed up, put make-up on, made sure hair was looking good, had earrings in and decided I was going out. Told H I was going to get a bite to eat. (Never invited him) I didn't go out to eat instead decided to go see a movie. Saw the movie "Click". Wow, what a movie.

It got me to thinking, That life can fast forward past us before we even know what hit us. We can never get today back.

I am going to try a new outlook on life. Not sure if I can explain this but going to try. If H wants to wallow in his anger, then so be it. He can continue to be an angry man and he can turn into an angry old man if that is his choice. I can not control that. Nor can I control how he feels about me. I am worth more than that. If to no one else but to myself.

Therefore, I am going to make every attempt to move on with my life and if H wants to be part of it that is awesome, however if not that is his choice also. I know the changes I have to make will not be easy, the road will not be a short one, but I will make it.

I will have my good days, and I will have my bad ones, but for each bad day I have it will continue to make me stronger

So while I sit here with tears in my eyes, uncertain of the future, I also realize that none of us know what our future will bring. I am scared, but I know in my heart that I am doing the right thing.

I do not like the person that my H's affair has turned me into. I will not be that person anymore. He can make his choice and his actions will tell me what that is.

This may not make much sense to anyone other then me, and I'm not in Plan A, nor am I in Plan B, I guess I'm somewhere in the middle.

I hope I can continue with mindset. I know I will have setbacks and there will still be tears I shed, but for tonight, I am doing great. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You sound good. And what you are describing makes perfect sense...it is a TRUE plan A....where you make changes for yourself not for WH! Its genuine and sincere...he will sense it. I am so glad you went out and enjoyed yourself. He will be more confused and angry. GOOD!

check out this story very inspirational!

Carol's Story

ChaCha,

Actuatlly I don't believe I'm in a Plan A. If anything I'd say I'm closer to a Plan B or Plan D. I'm actually starting to visualize a life without H and it's sounding better and better every day. I look at the apts for rent in the paper, I visualize myself furnishing the place, I visualize the peace and quiet, I have even visualized telling H that he needs to transfer the utilites that are in my name at our house to his name.

This doesn't mean I want my marriage to end, but it does mean that I am tired of the anger, tired of H not taking responsbility for anything, tired of H's avoidance of talking about us, and just plain getting tired of it all.

I will NOT be the one to do ALL the work anymore. If H wants to be part of my life from this point on he is going to have to show me by his actions and his words.

I am seriously considering telling H today he needs to get on the bandwagon and work on our marriage or realize that every day he doesn't is a day we can never get back and is actaully pushing me further way. (This may be his goal and if it is so be it).

July 5, hopefully son will transfer to 1st shift and I will no longer have to babysit grandson. I don't plan on moving out then but I will continue to save as much money as I can so that if the time comes that I decide to move I will finanancially be able to do so.

Leslie:

Sounds like it's time for PLAN B, Leslie.

That involves writing a Plan B letter.

MiMi,

Plan B will come when I no longer am watching grandson and have the finances to move out. Hopefully both of those will take place in one month or less.

Then audios I am out of here.

Can you switch from MC to both of you doing IC for a while?

I'm sure I could Cha Cha, but right now my thoughts are MC is the only thing that H is doing. I think I'd aways wonder "What if MC would have worked". This way it gives H some more time until I actually move out to turn things around.

I guess my thoughts are that I want to do a quick unexpected PLAN B when the time comes.

Sometme this week I plan on renting a storage unit and slowly taking my personal items there. I've already started cleaning out things and getting rid of stuff I know I won't be able to take with me due to space restrictions.

Sounds like you are getting healthy. I cried for months, and months, and couldn't picture my life without my husband. Once I started realizing that my life would be good, it got easier and easier.

I think your husband is going through a mid-life crisis. He may not wake up for awhile.

I think that is part of it believer. However part of me also believes he was having an "exit affair". I'm almost to the point that the why's don't matter. We can't change what he did but could have worked to make things better, but it's not somthing I can do alone anymore.

This doesn't mean that I am not crying anymore, but I guess I'd say I'm becoming more "accepting" that this may not work. I know I do not deserve H's indifference.

I can't make H love me nor would I want to. He has to love and accept me for who I am. If that is not enough for him that's his loss.

Yes I will mourn the loss of what I thought was suppose to last for life. I will mourn the loss of my H. This "thing" in his body is not the man I married nor is he the one I want to stay married to. I want my H back but it's not looking like he will ever come back. So I can at least look at this and say I had the best years of him. Whomever gets him next can take what's left since I don't want it.

But don't tell him this now...until ready for PLAN B...

This may be what he wants you to do..in order to justify going to her...

Then he won't take responsibility...

You would have done all the work of leaving the R...

Yeah MiMi, I agree. I reconsidered and had decided I am not saying anything. I will continue to hope that in MC we can get to the root of problems, but accepting that we may not.

I'm not convinced they are still seeing each other. It's possible they are but don't see it. Last night when he got back from bike ride, I gave him a hug, and he didn't have his cell phone with him, so I know he wasn't talking to her while riding his bike last night.

All weekend other then quick errands he's been home. Funny thing though, it's no longer about OW or H, it's about me now. What I need, What I'm willing to settle for, What I expect (Sounds selfish I know) but that's where I'm at right now. At least if and when I leave it won't be because there was OP in the background.

I've stop talking about relationship also. Not asking him questions or anything else.

Amazing how a few weeks change us so much. For example, a few weeks ago I would have been delerious with joy if H and I did then what we did tonight. We went and shot a few games of pool. For me, it was awkward. It was like being out with a stranger. No emotion, no affection, kinda of one of those "boring" dates where you hope the person doesn't ask you out again.

Not sure if this means I'm just over this or just afraid to open my heart up again. Either way, not putting much thought into it. If nothing else H can say he fullfilled his homework assignment. (Lightbulb moment here, perhaps that is why it didn't feel right, kinda like it was a forced thing).

Still irritating that yesterday H was to busy working on truck to go out (when he knew Friday night that I was talking about skating. I still think he could have finished up the truck today.) I would have taken it so much better if he had come to me and said something like, "I'm sorry, this has taken longer then I thought, can we go out on Sunday instead". Guess that would be a miracle expecting to hear H say he is sorry over anything.

Okay okay, maybe I'm complaining to much here, and should just be greatful we did anything. Honestly I'm not usually a complainer like it sounds on this board, just frustrated.

Well, at least he DID go out with you. Sorry you didn't have such a great time. Even if he is just dragging along, that is something. My WH never went out with me after D-day.

I keep telling myself that the how or the why doesn't matter. All that should matter is that we went. Thanks for reminding me of the believer. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Post deleted by Leslie47

Leslie,

I am kind of a newbie, but I am online. Are you still here?

What's going on Leslie??