Peachy,

I have no record of her checking on my home line. The only thing I can show is that H talked to from his cell phone while he was at home at night. The times will show that she had to know he was at home.

KEEP A RECORDER WITH YOU ALWAYS...IN CASE YOU'RE PROVOKED BY WS OR OW.

and camera/digital also.

get PI on her like fleas on a hound dog.

maybe wait a day or two? let the ow get scared and freaked out so she'll do something STUUUUPID...HE#L...ALL THE OW ARE STUPID ANYWAY.

justpeachy,

I wish I could afford to put the PI back on her. Unfortunatly I now have to use the little bit of money I had saved for the attorney.

The recorder I may be able to do, I think I have one of those around here someplace.

Honestly though I'm just beat. I am having a tough time with this one. It bothers me to no end to think that she may actually have felt scared of me. I am not a person that will knowingly hurt someone. It makes me ashamed of myself to think that she felt this way about me.

I have lived my whole life without hurting anyone physically and it hurts to think she may have been afraid of me. I wasn't trying to be vindicative to her. I only wanted her to stay away from my H.

Looks like she may win not only my H now, but everyting I have strived for all of my life. My honor and integrity feels like it is being questioned by her and now I have to go to court and defend this.

Which is exactly what she wanted. Don't think for a moment she feels REALLY threatened by you. SHe is cha (covering her a$$) with work and attempting to save face. She is showing your wh she is feeling threatened by you and so he can play knight in shiny armor to her.

So who really needs a knight? Batten your hatches and defend your castle. Get your lawyer NOW. He'll tell you the same. Gather your proof of the affair and take it to him. Between you and your lawyer you'll show her to be the homewrecking kooze she is.

This is a ploy to scare you into submission.

Is it gonna work girl?

Cos you were doing so well...and it scared them.

- Kimmy

Deelan-de,

Thank you for your words of encouragement. I'm just not as stong as you.

I have no fight left in me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

What do you mean you have no fight left in you?

Do we have to come to wherever you are to push you into the battle?

We can't let that HO PWT win this WAR!!!

This is again part of the TYPICAL SCRIPT. FOW in my case..played the same game..she was so AFRAID of me...WHAT A DECEITFUL, CONNIVING YOU KNOW WHAT!!!

This is why I wanted to warn you to stay away from her.

She is your enemy and she is out to destroy you.

She wants you to back down.. to be afraid of her...to give up on your marriage...

Plus, she gets sympathy from your WH by pretending to be afraid of you..playing the sweet damsel in distress..

He will eventually learn that she is a DEVIL IN DISGUISE...

LET'S FIGHT, LESLIE....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Do you live in a state where A's are illegal...there are a few. Check with lawyer, that would make an interesting court case...have her arrested on that date or serve her with civil papers....sue her for court costs and expenses of the A.

WH encouraging? Possibly, but doubtful. WH usually have an instinct to protect their W from outside danger (just not their own) and when the OW goes after the W it is a HUGE LB for their A...see this through...

I recently received a letter from the OW saying she'd filed a police report against me for having phone and mail contact with my exWS (not her!) The contact went to their house. She enclosed a copy of a police officer's card with a report # on it.

She didn't know my ex still initiated contact with me, said he wanted to be with me, etc. The ole cake eater. She didn't know he would bring their OC to my house in the past and visit. ( I let her know in this letter!)He thought I didn't know where they lived, so he could lie and get away with it. He did...for awhile.

She said she'd file a PPO and have me thrown in jail if I attempted any kind of contact with anyone at that address or their AA club. (There's a long story and history here, but it's not necessary right now.)I never threatened my exW, the OW or the OC in any of my 4 contacts with my exWS. I just wasn't very polite in the comments I made...about her and his taste!

My exWS was 47 and the OW was 21 when they had their affair. They met at their AA/NA meetings! She was 7 months pregnant with his child when I finally confirmed the affair.

My response (after feeling embarassed and humiliated) was to write and say police reports and PPOs went two ways. I'd better never find out that anything written in a police report was a lie, missing important pieces, half truths, etc. or I would consider filing a lawsuit against her and/or my exWS for libel and slander of my name and reputation. I told her she was not to ever contact me in any harassing or threatening manner again.

I told her I was sending the letter by restricted mail which would give me proof that she received it. (Only she could sign for the letter. No one else could sign or accept it for her.)I got the signed receipt back!


She could still have a PPO filed against me. I would be really upset and embarassed, but I'm tired of sitting back and being "the good girl" while everyone else f#%ks up and gets what they want. Needless to say, my husband no longer exists. He has made a final conversion to alien life.

Can you tell I'm in a mood tonight? lol

My prayers and thoughts are with you.

Heartmending is onto something..

In my state, one can sue for Alienation of Affections...

A civil suit..not a bad idea...

MiMi, no such thing in Tn. I've already checked. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

MC'g session this morning. I wasn't going to go but basically wanted to see if H would show up. I wasn't sure if I wanted to have the sesson or not but since I haven't seen H in 4 days decided to go through with it.

Here are some highlights of the session:

MC'r - You both have come a long way since we first started. H is learning to open up and talk. MC'r then said but when he talks you react with anger. I replied, Yes, I do because I wasn't aware that I had so much anger inside me, but that even though I'm angry I still want H to talk.

Hubby - I feel that wife is needy. I saw a comedian on t.v. one time that said, he told his wife that he loves her and that if things change he would let me know. H then said that is how he feels.

MC'r to H "I'm not saying this is right or wrong but you also have a projection of having a hard shell around yourself."

MC'r You both are on opposite sides of the spectrum but if somehow we can get you both to meet in the middle, I think you can have a good marriage <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Then he said to me, Let me get this straight, You want the marriage right?

Me Yes, I don't do divorce <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

MC'r to H, and you want out of this marriage right?

trying to keep this short so it's easier to read. Will continue in another post.

Continued MC'g session dialog:

H - all I can say is I can't do this today, or tomorrow or next month, who knows in 6 months? W thinks that the OW is the problem and she's not. If it wasn't her it would have been someone else.

my thoughts (fence sitter and using women, who is this man?)

MC'r to me what do you think H is saying?

Me - I know the OW is not the problem, I have told H this several times, but as long as he keeps her in the picture she has become a part of the problem

H - W is trying to destory this OW's life. She has gone to her job to try to get her fired. What W doesn't understand is if it wasn't this OW, it would have been another one

Me I know we can't continue this way. We will wind up hating each other. I know we need time apart. I know there are things called controlled seperations. It's where we agree to seperate but agree to not see anyone else.

MC'r To H, how do you feel about this?

H - If it wasn't this OW it would just be another one.

MC'r to H, so you are saying that you want NO conditions on the seperation?

H If it wasn't this OW it would be another one.

MC'r to me, It seems like the ball is in your court, is this something you can agree to?

Me No, I won't agree to close my eyes and act like it's okay for h to cheat.

MC'r to H, I think you should find a counselor that can talk to you individually. If for no other reason then for you and w to resolve some of these issues in the marraige. then he turns to me and said - I would like our next session to be alone, will you agree to that?

Me No, as long as H is willing to come I want to stay in MC'g because we are at least talking

Our time was up at this point so I asked H if he would like to come to the house so we can decide how we can seperate. He replied, NO, I have to place to go. Besides I have to change clothes and go to work.

H then said, Is this another one of your book plans?

I replied, NO, I just don't want us to wind up hating each other.

H then came to the house and changed clothes, (I didn't say anything else to him) I stayed on the porch. He changed clothes and came outside and patted my back and said, I have school tonight. (I guess this is his way of letting me know he will be home tonight)

I know I need to move out. I can't take the drama here anymore. Son goes on day shift on Wednesday so I won't have to watch grandson anymore.

My delima is money. I don't have the funds to move out since I now have to pay an attorney over the petition the OW filed against me. I was hoping to use that to cover moving out.

H has his own bank account that does not have my name on it so I can't use half of that. I won't ask H for money to help me move so I'm stuck here for now. I don't know how long I can hang on staying here before I wind up actually hating him. The only way to get H to help financially is to file papers (seperation) and that will be like putting the nail in the coffin on our marriage.

I guess I'm going to have to dig deep inside myself and find a way to detach from H until I can afford to move. This is not going to be easy. I know I need to also Plan A while still here and I will try but it's hard to detach and plan A at the same time. Any suggestions on this?

First of all, I personally get frustrated with such MARRIAGE COUNSELORS. Hello, MC!! This man is HAVING AN AFFAIR. Let's don't deny that he is screwing a young girl...

This is not about you being needy. This is not about some comedian your WH saw..Of course, you are angry and hurt..your H is having an affair...PLEEZE... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />



Does this counselor not get this? Of course, he is going to say he wants out of the marriage.

This is what this counseling is all about for your WH, Leslie. Some sleazy WH way to get out of the marriage looking good to himself..trying to convince himself and the rest of the world that this is not about his affair.

This is definitely about his affair. Don't buy anything else that he has to say.

It is about THIS OTHER WOMAN..and him wanting to be with HER...

More standard WH BULLCRAP..written in the script..you are to wait around until he finishes playing...



SHE DEFINITELY IS THE PROBLEM NOW . Unless he gets rid of her, you cannot work on your marriage. Standard, standard FOG TALK..my FWH said the EXACT SAME CRAP....



SO THE OW IS NOT TRYING TO DESTROY YOUR LIFE? Don't you see how FOGGED out your WH is? As are most WSes, he is TEMPORARILY INSANE..DELUSIONAL in lust over this woman...She is playing the damsel in distress role down to the fullest. He is her RESCUER..He is the KNIGHT coming into SAVE HER... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />



This won't happen. He will be seeing her, Leslie.

It's time for PLAN B, in my opinion. You in control of YOUR PLAN. You calling the shots on YOUR OWN LIFE..."GET RID OF THE OTHER WOMAN AND THEN WE CAN TALK"

GREAT!!! You've let them know that you won't play along with this charade.



I think that he marriage counselor is firing your H, knowing that he doesn't want to work on things..and is wanting to meet with you to let you know this. After he meets with you individually, his allegiance would be with you and he would not be able to meet with you two again as a couple. In other words, he's choosing you to work with over your H. The counselor will probably tell you that you need to move on, etc. I definitely might be wrong on this...just what it seems like to me...

My Last Words before going to lunch:

Your H wants to cake-eat...

I think it's time for PLAN B..Yes, one of your BOOK PLANS..

Do you have to move out? IMO, he needs to leave. Tell him he needs to go. He needs to begin to SUFFER the consequences of his actions.

Patting you on the back....PLEEZ... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

***H - If it wasn't this OW it would just be another one.
MC'r to H, so you are saying that you want NO conditions on the seperation?
H If it wasn't this OW it would be another one.***

Leslie - your WH is telling you and the counselor straight up that he intends to screw other women as much as he wants. He is saying that you can be his wife if you're willing to tolerate that.

That's what he's offering. At least he's being honest about it and YOU are going to have the face the truth about it.

Everything Mimi said. Plan B. Now.
Mulan

(( Leslie ))

I have been following your thread and am so sorry that this is happening to you.

Is there a way to Plan B him with you staying in the house ? That way he will not be able to come around and be in the garage, where he loves to be. I believe him not having access to the house will have a big affect on him, if anything does at this point.

I guess I may have missed something in why you want to leave the house.

Sending prayers your way

carnation