Why are you beginning to feel unsafe posting on here?

If Leslie is your real name, you can change your name and maintain your anonymity.

Your WH's behavior is so typical and standard no one would be able to tell that it's you and when can continue to help you.

Post deleted by Leslie47

Leslie:

Why of course he wants you to stop coming here where you have gained your sense of PERSONAL POWER!!

Remember this is WAR. Stay in the fight.

Don't let him influence you from getting the support and assistance that we can provide.

He's got that absolutely correct. We are your cyberfriends.

MiMi,

Will you please give me your thoughts on the Plan B questions I asked?

Are you going to stick around so that we can see you through this?

I personally could not have done Plan B without the support of this forum.

Even with the support, I continued to have slipups and needed nudging to get back up on the horse.

A soldier in battle needs the support of her troops.

ETA: I will answer the questions... as best I can...a bit later when I have more time.

Post deleted by Leslie47

Sounds good. I'll find you.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Check out what Dr. Harley says in Surviving an Affair to answer this question for yourself. I think it's when he seems to have chosen her, will not end the affair despite your negotiating for him to do so and when your love bank for him is dwindling because of his rejection and maltreatment of you...something like that..but go to the source.

I recommend legal protection. That's what I did. Otherwise, the OW has access to funds that are legally yours and/or he will be spending money on her that you may need to better take care of yourself. This would also spell out his financial requirements to you regarding the mortgage, etc. There may be legal repercussions against you if you leave. He may try to say that YOU abandoned the marriage. Like I have said before, may there's some way that he would agree to a legal separation with him leaving. My H was amicable with me about this because he felt FREE to be with her. I was "letting him go" until he wanted to be with me again..that's what I told him. Then, after our legal separation was signed, I gave him the Plan B letter. This was my experience.

BTW, don't believe that the OW is really afraid of you. That's part of her WAR STRATEGY. She is trying to destroy you and your marriage. She doesn't have him yet so the ORDER OF PROTECTION of part of her battle plan...wants to make it easier for them to be together..so that you will no longer be able to interrupt them.

I'm thinking maybe let the judge know that you do not choose to ever be in the company of anyone like her anymore...a woman that would be willing to have sex with your husband. Do this calmly and assertively with head held high..You no longer want to lower yourself to the gutter level where she reside...THE CREAM RISES TO THE TOP!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Post deleted by Leslie47

Why do say that Plan A is pushing him farther away?



Why are you trying to stop loving him? We are not recommending that. We don't want you to lose your love for your H. Safeguarding your love for him would be the purpose of PLAN B.



Why do you feel that you are failing, Leslie?



Standard WS Script....

I will continue to help you all that I can.

I do believe that it's time for PLAN B.

He's trying to get YOU to GIVE UP...Same strategy my H used..OW couldn't understand why I wouldn't give up...H told me how frustrated she became: "She's never going to give up on you"..H thought I would eventually if he was hateful enough..

Make it clear that HE IS THE ONE THAT IS GIVING UP ON THE MARRIAGE and NOT YOU. HE is the one that would be ABANDONING HIS WIFE AND CHILDREN...

It may seem like he is reading here but he is probably just following the script. Some of his behaviors are universal WS. Sleeping on the couch...anger...pushing your buttons to make you react.

Its not easy and most of us have walked in your steps. It took nearly 2 years for my WH to realize he wants his family. He looked at me w/ dead eyes and said things that I truely could not believe were coming out of his mouth. "Don't I deserve to be happy." "We never had a good marriage." "You never supported me." "I'm only here for the kids I have no feelings for you...I don't love you." "You don't understand me."

WH noticed changes I made in plan A...he didn't believe them, those changes didn't make him change his mind. Ok, maybe they helped but plan B is what did it...and he was ready to end contact w/OW.

Plan B is most effective when you have done a good plan A. Plan A does not mean be his servant or doormat. It means take stock in yourself a honest look at your flaws. What can you do to improve those flaws. Many of us got here over time subtle changes in relationship that came to crisis of A. I for one refuse to settle for less than I deserve...now. Before my selfesteem was in the toilet and I would settle for whatever crumb WH wanted to throw.

Once I figured out what my part was in this I set about to change that. I had lost ME over the years...I was somebody's wife...somebody's mother and sacrificed a martyr to that end. I am ME again. I use plan A to figure out what I wanted...who I wanted to be...what I wanted to do. It was a process a transformation. In plan B I used what I learned about myself to figure out what direction I want my life to go in with or without WH.

You want to do an effective plan B not a half baked one. You need to have your financial ducks in a row...legal counsel to protect your rights... have an income so you could support yourself...have HIM leave the house and his toys...once he leaves plan A for a couple weeks while he is gone...then plan B letter and a DARK plan B. He needs to experience what life would be like as if you were D. In plan B you use all those things you learned about yourself in plan A and rediscover your future.

Well thats my thinking on it.

Great Post, Cha-Cha!!!

To show you how scripted this is, your experience with your WH is almost exactly the same as mine was..

Post deleted by Leslie47

FYI
Once you change your name all your past posts will be under the new name. So You might want to change your title as well.

I used to be confused42

Check out this thread...it gave me a lot of food for thought and helped me turn my thinking around about my part in our marriage problems.

six stages of mid-life crisis

If he is reading here and you don't feel safe..... you can e-mail some of us. Here's my addy: mborchid2@yahoo.com

Btw, he can e-mail me if he wants too! LOL!!! I'll have my H respond to him. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.