Hi- I am pretty new to this site- I've read it all before- but only just joined actively... My question- how do you know when you are ready to get married again??? I am reposting this from the "living together"section to here, on the advice of another member... and trying to include a little more information as well. I am twice divorced... and have found a really good man whom I do love dearly... We have just recently ( April 9th) moved in together- and boy has it been an adjustment!!!!...in response to greengables' question, "why am I able to do this but still freak out over marriage?" I wish I knew!!! I so enjoy being with him, we get along well- no fights or arguments thus far, I am still having a hard time adjusting to having a man in the house full-time again... somedays I am down right pissy about it- and somedays I'm really comfortable with it.
I guess my main point is- I was hurt pretty badly before-(1st Ex-H was an alcoholic/drug addict- and severe porn addict- he would not work, was also very abusive towards me and our 2 kids- marriage lasted for 5 painful years... 2nd Ex-H was very well off and stable financially- but extremely controlling and vindictive as well as became abusive towards me & the kids- social services became involved as did the law- he was arrested for domestic violence- it took me eight years with this one...)so, yes- marriage has really left a very bitter taste in my mouth-I am scared of losing control of things, of losing myself again- and of being hurt again- part of me just doesn't want to be tied down- if I decide to leave- I want to be able to just leave..... or would I be able to even if we aren't married? [color:"green"] [/color] I know I am not ready for another round- but I do love him..and there is a big part of me that really wants to be his wife.... Why do I do this? and how can I work on it to eliminate the problem- because I know it sets him back a bit and likely hurts his feelings as well- BUT_ he has been very good about it so far- and understanding... his last reply to my negativity was " well- I can see you're not ready for that one yet, maybe I'll just leave that subject alone for another month or two".... so what am I to do????????????? I would TRULY and GREATLY appreciate any feedback I can get on this ASAP........ I don't want ill feelings from elsewhere to set in and destroy what good things I could have in the near future...
Thank You.---- Trish

Well, I've only been married once (to my current H) so I'm probably not the best person to give advice on this topic, but there are a few questions that others here might have for you, for example:

how long between your first marriage and second marriage?

how long between second marriage before you moved in with new guy?

do you know what it is about you that you chose two abusive men in your previous marriages and how to avoid that in the future?

were you at a point in your life where you were content being single (before you met new guy) or were you "looking"?

why move in together and not marry?


Others might have other questions for you which might enable them to give advice in your situation.

Em

if you are not ready for marriage, then don't make a commitment to live together.

it's disrespectful to you!!

If you want a man to treat you with respect, then set up some boundaries and stick to them.

You asked "why do I do this" have you been to, or considered, counseling with someone from an abuse shelter to work on your fears? and why you have them?