When do the tears stop or at least slow down. I'll do good for a day or two then wham something happens a memory, a song something and I'm in tears again. I am so tired of crying. I didn't think one person could shed so many tears. Does it ever get easier? My H walked out two months ago today. It would have to be a Friday. Weekends are so hard , long and lonely. All I can think of is I would like to do something but I want to do it with him. Tears again. Then I had to read the thread How long and I start again. I posted on that thread and even now I'm not sure of which key I'm hitting because of the tears. I try to keep busy but sometimes even at the busiest moments something will turn the tears on. I need to be looking for a job but I am almost afraid that I can't control the tears. I've always been good at control some of my emotions like crying but not anymore. Do they ever stop?????<P>------------------<BR>di<BR>

It's been almost 9 months for me. Yes, the tears slow down. They haven't stopped. But I'm functioning again. Making a life for myself and my daughters. And it will be a good life. <P>Oh, how I remember those early days. I feel for you right now. Hang in there!

I give you a big hug. I am in the same situation right now. I go to work with red eyes every day. My house is a mess because I just don't care. Depressed, heck yes! The one thing I learned from the one useless day in the divorce support group is that 90% of those divorced, get remarried. While my H has jumped right into a relationship, I have time to work out the problems that caused my divorce (should I not be able to work it out-currently separated) and be able to begin a successfull mature relationship. And I know it will be the same for you. This board is wonderfully supportive, I've found. Good success stories and reality checks.

SDS - Hi. Yes things eventually do get better. My W left me in June...4 months ago or so. I certainly remember the first 2 months...they were the worst.<P>If you are not on anti-depressant medication GO SEE YOUR DOCTOR TODAY!!! I can't stress this enough. I was concerned when I started taking them...you see, I'm a health nut. I eat right (well, normally I do), exercize, and I DON'T take any unnecessary medications. I would rather tough out a headache than take an aspirin.<P>However, I could not tough out the feeling of depression...nor should you. Anti-deps are NOT addictive. You should go on them for 6-9 months. I can tell you from personal experience that they DO work!!! Although they are not happy pills, they definitely take you out of the "suicidal zone". Please go get some.<P>Second, find a focus other than spouse (easier said than done I know...this is where I have trouble - I constantly obsess over W's activities and whereabouts). If you have kids, pour your attention into them. I don't so I have to find something else.<P>Post here often. The folks here are WONDERFULLY supportive...even if it's nothing more than a "I'm here for you SDS".<P>Last (but certainly FIRST), lean on the Lord. I don't know if you are spiritual or not. I wasn't until this crisis happened. But you want to know something? Getting to know and understand God and His Son Jesus really helps. Please don't think I'm a religious nut...I'm not. But I have made an incredible spiritual transformation. If my marriage is the price I pay for accepting Christ into my life, I got a bargain! It really is true!! I always put my W first. I now know that God and His Son Jesus MUST come first in everyone's life. Through Them everything else will work out for good!!!<P>Also, read. I've read 15 books on infidelity, relationships, snd spiritual awareness. In addition, I started reading fiction again to get my mind off "the crisis". It really does work.<P>God bless you SDS. I'll pray for your recovery!!

Hi SDS,<BR> Your post sent me into some flashbacks....I found out in early Dec. and I have never cryed so much in my life.It will get easier or the tears won't come as much. Like you ,we were married for a long time (21yrs.) and the situation looked hopeless. It's been 10mos. and we are back together and my loving H is returning...I honestly don't know how I got through those awful first months ....hang in there, One thing I MADE myself do was exercise and it would break those obsessive thoughts.....Lu

Shattered1 I do have another focus. I am living with my daughter's family and two precious little boys to help keep me occupied but sometimes they cause pain because I will think how can he give them up think about what he is missing that he can never get back. See this was part of his problem he felt left out of the family, he was involved with everything our two chldren did while growing up but he just didn't have as close as a relationship as he thought I did. What were some of the books that you read. I have of "Surviving an Affair", "Men in Midlife Crisis", and "So your Mate Wants Out". I am going to the bookstore tomorrow so if you have some suggestion I would appreciate it. As far as the spiritual aspect I don't think I would have not mae it this far with out my faith. I am not sucidal just in a lot of pain. There is too much too live for in life with or with out H. <BR>Lu. I have been doing exercise but those thoughts come at the oddest times. It is almost like having flash backs . I'm not sure how else to put it. Things are always easier in the mornings. I try to keep busy during the day. And I know when I get a job and find a place for my son and me. Having some place to be alone and get some privacy will help too. But weekend are the worse. See I taught school and he worked nights. He left when I got home and he was still in bed when I left for school. Weekends were our time together to do thing we liked and to talk. You see he was my best friend, and I thought I was his. <P>------------------<BR>di<BR><p>[This message has been edited by SDS (edited October 02, 1999).]

It's been eight months to the day that I found out about my husbands affair. I feel for you so much right now. I never thought I would make it through those first few months. I cried everyday, all day. I'm a teacher, so I would get another teacher to watch my room for a minute and go to the bathroom and have a good cry. When I came back all red-eyed I would say I just didn't feel good. I swear some of them had to think I had a terminal illness last year as much as I "didn't feel good." It was hard not having anyone to talk to at work (I work with his sister and noone in the family knows). I spent alot of time talking to my friends that did know. Sometimes it helped, sometimes it didn't. I did not get on anti-depressants, just because I did not think about it. I probably would have done much better if I had. I mostly kept myself busy so that I didn't have time to think about the betrayal. The drive to work was the worst. Don't listen to the radio, especially country music. YOU'RE JUST TORTURING YOURSELF! But, seriously, it does get better. At the time I never would have believed it, but now I am living proof. I cry maybe once every two weeks now, if that much. Good luck to you and keep your chin up!

SDS - I just knew someone was going to ask me what books I've read!! I did not write down all of their names but I do remember a few because they really stick out.<P>1. Surviving an Affair<BR>2. Private Lies<BR>3. After the Affair<BR>4. Tempted Woman - The ecstacy, agony and ??? of female infidelity (Can't remember the exact title)<BR>5. Divorce Busting<BR>6. Understanding Infidelity => not sure of the exact title of this one, but I seem to remember that it was more clinically and statistically based than anything else<P>I used the library to check these out instead of buying them. I figure that I'm only going to need them ONCE in my life...why keep them as a reminder? (That's the theory anyway!!!)

I found out about the affair in March. I had just gone back to teaching after being off 5 weeks from a surgery. Then I would have to take off because I couldn't deal wit things plus I was being test to be a kidney donor for my son. When I was at school I would cry a lot, talk to the only one who knew what was going on. The kids thought I was upset about the my son. I wasn't there for them and I felt really bad but I couldn't help it. That is why when he left two weeks before school started, I resigned. I couldn't put another class through my emotional state of mind. They were going to be a rough class anyway and I needed my full focus on them not me, and I knew I couldn't do it. I have no regrets about resigning I just don't know what to do now. I don't want to teach and I don't know what else to do. I know what you mean about the countrywestern music that is what my daughter listens to all the time and it really gets to me, but my soft rock isn't much better. I love to read but most stories have something to do with romance and I can't handle that yet. So I read non fiction how to deal with this mess books.Thanks for your word of support that it will get better just takes time.<P>------------------<BR>di<BR>

SDS,<BR>My H has been gone for seven months, and I recently started working part-time. The only time I had to fight tears on the job was when my boss and his wife got in an argument and it was all I could do to avoid running out of the room. <P>But I still think about it frequently, even at work, and when I get home it is worse than it was before I started working. It is like the pain gets saved up while I am at work, so the pain repository is bursting at the seams after I get out of work. Sometimes a day or two goes by without tears, but not often. I can't watch couples arguing on tv, the ads on the radio that involve disagreements really bother me, and I have to bite my tongue to avoid interfering with the disagreeements between perfect strangers standing in line ahead of me. I tried very hard never to embarrass my H in public, which certainly wasn't reciprocated. We never had a major argument in public or even in front of family, except the kids, but that was probably mainly because I did my best to prevent it. It is almost impossible to avoid witnessing marital conflict, unless you never go anywhere and never watch tv or listen to the radio, which makes it even more difficult to avoid thinking about the situation. Since my nephew was murdered, my sister avoids watching movies with violence or accidental death (which eliminates most of them), but I feel like I have to avoid watching anything with any inter-personal conflicts, which eliminates everything except nature documentaries. <P>When does it get better?<BR>

I know what you mean about TV. I can't watch anything about romance, affairs, breaking up, guess that leaves nature doc. And nothing to read at leaset no fiction only nonfiction, and only certain ones at that. I don't know I feel like I have been going through this for an eternity, 4 months ater I found out and another 2 months since he left total of 6 months of you know what.And it doesn't seem to get any easier. Sometimes worse. And now the holidays coming up. I don't want to even think of that. No amount of business helps because as soon as I stop it starts again. <P>------------------<BR>di<BR>