Ok my original post is here...

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/fav...er=#Post3017876

I am very confused with all this WS/W stuff. How do I know if whe is WS or if she is W? What does WS stand for btw?

If she comes homes today and wants to work things out is she back to being my W? If she comes home jsut to get more things is she considered WS? Do I stand the ground I took last night if she is stil WS or do I treather like I should have treated her for the last 6 years?

She hasn't told me that she is coming home to stay or not. she just told me she forgot her medications and if her mom didn't have what she needed she had to come home today before an important event she is attending with her sister.

I feel like she never had affairs and I pushed her out the door by getting down on her. Last night I read into the articles on this site alot more. I realized I wasn't making very many love bank deposits but instead making withdrawals by refusing to be happy/intimate/close to her without her making the initial step towards me.

Anyway that's where I am at. On side note her family has been very intrusive throughout the entirety of our relationship. Both her mother and step-father who she left to last night worked for GM and have healthy retirements. I work construction and the cash flow has been at it's worst in the past month. They use this against me and drive wedges in our relationship wherever they can. Her mother actually set her up with OM in affair late last year. After I found out about it recently my W told me she didn't like the OM and her mother was the one pushing it.

So she will be calling or coming home soon. Is it better if I am not here at all when she comes? Is it better that I make her believe that I too believe our marriage is over?

Very confused right now. Please help!!!

Domaru. Plan A is the way to go. HAve you got the books. HNHN. Surviving an Affair. Love must be Tough.

She is STILL a WW. THere will never be real healing, change, or recovery until she is remorseful. And that will NOT happen untill you follow some basic principles. No 1 is Exposure. The purpose is to break up ANY contact. Three people in any marriage does NOT work.

HAve you exposed? Are you in IC? Are you on ADs?

And finally, llok for the post by Longhorn on the steps for new BS posts. It lays out a PLAN!

Good luck.

It is slow on th eweekend so it might be a while for other experienced posters will respond.

Could her parents be considered the "third man" in this situation? I don't believe she is having any affairs at this time.

What does all this terminology mean? WS, WW, I dont understand what these are or the differences between the two.

I can't afford the books right now. I am totally flat broke. Are they something I might find at my local library?

Wandering or Wayward Spouse. Wandering or Wayward Wife.

Well as far as beeliving the ILs (in-laws) are the 3rd person in your M. Well that is not the real issue imho (in my humble opinion)

Whether you belive that your WW is not in an A at this time, does not mean she is not. HAve you investigated thororughly?

What steps have you taken to get PROOF? And if the ILs set up your WW with an OM, they are enablers. Enabling poor choices and Adultery.

So IC and MC seem to be something that would help. Individual counselling for you and for her. And MArriage Counselling IF and only IF there is SOLID proof of no current Adultery. Affair is not a word that really describes the sitch, imho. Call it what it is. Adultery. Affair sounds way too nice.

It is best to be friendly to your wife if she comes. Don't talk about your marriage. Don't have any angry outbursts or make any disrespectful judgements.

Where are your children living?

She gave me the log-in for her cellular phone provider. I constatly check up on her on-line dealing though after her myspace thing about 2 months ago I don't believe she has contacted anybody using the computer.

As of last night we were still together and the kids were living with both of us. She left last night for her mothers house. I had arranged for a babysitter so me and the W could have a night alone. So the kids are still at the babysitters.

I desperately needed to talk to her but it seems I should have just left it alone?

It is probably better to show her you can change and be a great husband, rather than talk about it. Actions speak louder than words.

She seems to have issues with her family. How was her childhood? Having an affair with your brother, your friend, a guy her mom introduced her to at the bar, etc. points to unsolved problems.

The only problem I am aware of from her childhood is her dad. After her parents were divorced her dad kinda neglected her and her brother. He just didnt really show the love a father should show.

Now that they are both grown he will not have anything to do with her hardly while he does anything he can for her brother.

Things went very well. SHe came home and I can honestly sayit is my wife.

She even came to the site and read some with me.

We have agreed to both work on this marriage.

Updates to follow <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />