Turns out I had a bunch lingering over from my divorce. The problem is that I'm just realizing them now (a year and a half after my divorce) because I've been in a caring relationship with someone for a few months now. Trust issues abound and I feel like a freak sometimes but what's worse is that, I feel like I'm ready to run at the first sign of trouble. It's like having this protective barrier around me. I just hope this barrier doesn't get in the way of my finding intimacy again.

Coughlin,

I can completely understand what you might be going through. I am in a new relationship (1.5 months), and I am realizing that I have a huge hangup over a very important EN for my new partner.

I am sure it is based partly on past relationships, and I very nearly let it cost me this wonderful man, but I weighed my fears against my potential future, and I was able to conquer them (mostly).

I have an extremely difficult time asking for what I need, but for him, he sees asking for what you need as something completely normal and natural. As easy as "writing a grocery list", he says. I have had a very hard time ever asking for what I need, and when I do, I have many times had those needs belittled, and ignored. I eventually learned to not ask for anything, and eventually to become fearful to do so.

My solution to the problem was to write down what I needed, and then give him the list. It seemed a little silly at first, but then we realized that not only was it getting my needs out there, but he also had a list that he could refer back to, rather than trying to remember whatever I might have said. It actually facilitated discussion, and made it much safer for me.

My advice is to find a middle ground with your fears, and talk it over as honestly as you can with your partner, and then weigh your fear against your chance at finding happiness again, and hopefully you can find the intimacy you desire and deserve again.

Good Luck!

Kat