I've been married two years, and I love and respect my husband so much. He's awesome, he builds things for me with his own two hands, he works hard and he is extremely polite and helpful.

I'm a little concerned about some recent changes though. It seems like lately, he's been needing a lot of "time with the guys." I'm sure that a lot of it is that a lot of his friends are getting married at once and this means a lot of bachelor parties and weekends away, but he's also stopped asking me to come and watch his softball games, going to the batting cages with guys at work, and he's even talked about starting a basektball leauge with co-workers. On the day of these weddings (which are out of town), the guys are all supposed to go off on some activity, leaving me to sit in a hotel, alone, and bored. I know he loves sports, and I like to go to games with him, but I'm not athletic at all so I'm not much to him if I participate.

How much of this is normal? Should I tell him I don't want him to go on these outings and leave me alone out of town? Should I ask him to limit his evenings out? Or should I just be supportive and know that this will eventually pass?

(I know he is definitely not cheating on me, because I will drop by the field with his forgotten glove or whatever, there are no other women around, and he always calls me at least several times a day when he is out of town, to tell me he misses me and what is going on.)

I’d say, that if he spends sufficient amount of time with you, then you do not have to be concerned about his time with the guys. Let him have his fun. The question should not be “how much time is OK with other guys?” but should be “Is his guy time interfering with us time?”

I would, however, find something for you to do without him. Pick up a hobby that does not include him. Spend some time with your friends, family. Travel by yourself. From what you wrote, it sounds like you feel that you either have to be with him, or be waiting for him. Be your own woman. Do not define yourself by what your H does or does not do.

Your husband goes off and leaves you when the two of you are out of town together? Bachelor parties mean "weekends away"?

Sorry, but your h just doesn't sound like he's that into you. Might not be infidelity, but nothing here suggests a man madly in love, imo. You'd better address this before one of you IS looking elsewhere for attention.

Take care -

Sounds like you haven't addressed this at all with him yet?

If so, the first thing you two need to do is sit down and COMMUNICATE. Let him know that while you love and support him, you are feeling slighted by the amount of time he's spending on these other events. He may have no inkling of how selfish he's been (let's face it, guys CAN be clueless sometimes) and he'll say "Oops, sorry honey" and things will change. That's the nice and easy road of course.

I don't think there is any set amount of time for "guy things" or "girl things." Depends on the people involved, some are more independent and extroverted than others. I also do not agree with the popular stance that H/W should do *everything* together and neither one should have individual interests or hobbies on their own that do not include their spouse. I don't think that is a) realistic (we are all different, all individuals) and b) fair to either one. Should a concert pianist give up their career if their spouse isn't wild about classical music, for instance? Absurd. Everyone needs some "down" time to themselves, and to me it seems unhealthy if spouses are not allowed to develop as individuals as well as a couple.

I know when we were first married, my husband wanted me to go to car shows with him, which I found boring and once I ended up sitting in our car in a parking garage waiting for him for about five hours (hot, hungry, bored). It created resentment on both sides because I sure could have used that time more productively had he left me at home, and he was annoyed that he felt rushed (yes, five hours is "rushing" through that kind of event to him).

On a happier note, he also introduced me to antique shows, which I had never tried before and now enjoy and we do together and the hours fly by and we're both happy. So, try things with him once at least and if you find a common interest there, great, but if not it's not the end of the world - it's how you handle it and find balance.

I agree with AverageGuy that finding a hobby or interest of your own will be helpful, but you still need to address the underlying issue, which is the time factor. Perhaps a compromise of some sort (i.e., you can agree to each spend "X" amount of hours on your respective hobbies/nights out each week) will meet everyone's needs better.

Then maybe think of it like a cell phone plan...if the "free" minutes get used up, it gets too expensive (costly) to the marriage and needs to be reined in.

Just some thoughts, good luck to you both.

~Silverwraith