Here's my first draft, based on excellent versions by Jean36 and Loving Anyway. I hope you don't mind my copying your very effective format!



Sweetheart,

You know I have loved you since the night at the Mexican restaurant, when you were furious about your Dad and confided in me for the first time. It was a glimpse beyond the wall. You still fascinate me. Your complexity, your idealism, your logic---I have always admired these in you even when I didn't agree with your beliefs. I had trusted that your strength and dedication would somehow see both of us through in our marriage. I'm sorry. I finally realize I've been half of us all along...as much power, responsibility, freedom to choose our path as I had relinquished to you.

For the sake of our boys, I need to preserve my love for you. My choice is to have little or no contact with you until you end your infidelity. I don't want to see you or communicate with you directly, only via email. I respect your choice to continue your affair, to break our marriage and family. I now know I have no control and never did.

I choose not to speak with you in any manner about scheduling. Please don't call me unless you urgently need to contact me. Don't drop by to see the boys or pick them up unannounced. You can still plan on taking Peter to school in the mornings. He'll meet you downstairs. You can see the boys 2 weekday evenings (Tuesday and Thursday are best for us), and I will leave the apartment from 6:00 to 10:00 if you want to see them at home. And we can implement the plan to alternate weekends, from 6:00 pm Friday to 6:00 pm Sunday, starting with my turn this coming weekend. Adhering to a set schedule will help protect the boys from being in the middle of this triangle.

I would love to someday build a fulfilling life with you, parenting our children together. In the meantime, I will not help to facilitate your schedule or try to co-parent with you as long as you are involved with someone else.


With sincere love for my husband and family,
BS




Since we live on a high floor in an apartment building I'm hoping this plan B will work without an intermediary. What do y'all think?

For the sake of our boys, I need to preserve my love for you. My choice is to have no contact with you until you end your infidelity. I don't want to see you or communicate with you directly, only via xxx (someone's name)



I choose not to speak with you in any manner about scheduling. Please don't call me.



He'll meet you downstairs. You can see the boys 2 weekday evenings. (Tuesday and Thursday are best for us), NO REASON for him to be in the home and accidentally stay too long ans see you. NC



I think that you are "accidenatlly" leaving many chances for him to have contact with you. I know it is hard to face not seeing or emailing or hearing his voice. But it must be done. The next time you see him it must be your husband with no infidelity - not the WH. NC with the WS is the way plan B works.

So have someone you trust be the go between for all messages, and keep him out of your home. that is something else he can miss.

SP

Your younger 2 are quite young t/b left w/o an adult. What if the WS is late? He may blame you for being negligent. Making him responsible and inconvenient for him on the pickup of the children via a 3rd party w/b a good thing. You never want to make it easy for a WS.

JMHO,
L.

You know I have loved you since the night at the Mexican restaurant, when you were furious about your Dad and confided in me for the first time. It was a glimpse beyond the wall. You still fascinate me. Your complexity, your idealism, your logic---I have always admired these in you even when I didn't agree with your beliefs. I had trusted that your strength and dedication would somehow see both of us through in our marriage. I'm sorry. I finally realize I've been half of us all along...as much power, responsibility, freedom to choose our path as I had relinquished to you.

[color:"green"]NOPE it is not for the sake of the boys...sounds like a person who is settling for dad in the home....
it's him you look forward to be withing..him the MAN...

AND
your sentence about RESPECTING HIS CHOICE TO HAVE AN AFFAIR...I almost fell off my chair when I read that.....can't imagine a person on this planet offering respect to someones choice to have an affair.....


plan B letters are letters of great hope....and love.... [/color]

ark

These suggestions are very wise, thank you so much for your input. I will have some time to revise the letter tonight. One more thought: I also wanted to know whether or not anyone thinks it might be a good idea to send a copy of the letter to OW. I've wanted to let her know that I am definitely open to reconciliaion with WH, to contradict what he must have told her. Is this an effective way to contact her without actually having to deal with her?