Post deleted by ashkerksdad

oh man. Hugs. She is very angry now. You've had 10 years to process this. She's had 10 minutes. Read up on this site about emotional needs and everything else you can read.

You can make it through this.

Kudos for coming clean. You have a lot of work to do. Does your wife post on here?

Well - now she will feel the pain and anger and you will receive it. Now you Plan A her through all of it. Come here to get support for what it will be like. She eventually will grieve for her marriage and the husband she thopught she had - like the devastation after a firestorm.

You will both need IC to help you through this. When it is out of her, then you can rebuild your marriage together. It amy take a LOOOOOONG time.

Sadly you had your fun, knowing the truth and then you had your peace for ten years keeping the secrets. Now the fun and peace are over and it is time for you and she to experience her pain.

This is how it goes and she and you are experiencing a normal reaction to this situation.

Be strong and love her through it. Love yourself too for at last seeing the light and braving the storm.

SP

Post deleted by ashkerksdad

give her time to cool down

That is pretty "par for the course" let her "live in it" for a while - she needs to get all these feelings out - be able to work through them. This is one of the feelings. It is more difficult for her that you held on to your A secrets for so long - extends the betrayal beyond the A for as long as you withheld the truth. She is evaluating her own worth through the respect you showed her during the time you were witholding truth. I have been there. It is harrowing. You feel as if you have been treated as "below human worth" and the pain and anger carve pain ito your soul. Just seeing the spouse can bring it on. Be patient - remember that although this is your doing - you are not alone - manyhave done this before you - it is a common mistake and many, many have come through it.

Imagine she has been lied to about her car for years and now feels robbed by the mechanic - how sad and how mad would she be?

Then see that her marriage is her vehicle through life and you are one of the mechanics and one of the drivers. Except you drove out of her life and lied about where you were. then when you told her where you were, you lied about the people you drove over on the way. The people are her feelings and trust. Only honesty restores these. Keep being honest and regretful. Do not share with her your frustrations or desire for her to "get over it".

SP

ash,

This and your other thread are interesting.

You sitch reminds me of a thread I saw when I first came to MB. This old thread is a textbook example of what eventually happens to the marriage if the BS is denied information they feel they need:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=31;t=014041;p=1

And this reticence was per the FWW’s MC idiotic advice, no less.

I occasionally wonder what happened to Cissy and her BH.

I hate the word closure. There is no such thing in the real world. There is only this type of moving forward if the BS has no recourse but to stuff it.


Also, answer Lostwillow’s question in your other thread. Did she have an affair?

Sometimes this kind of delayed BS reaction looks like an A, too. So be careful you don’t go there yet again.

With prayers,