good morning folks...yes i disappeared for a week or so - needed to refuel my tank and figure out where to go from here - i had run out of energy and LB was dry. Anyway for those of you not familiar with my story you can read thread titled ***dooms day***

So ww continues to spend free time with OP - who she has now informed me is single. She does so even after I have told her - her behavior is unacceptable and that she must stop contact or leave. This Saturday she told me they were going out on sunday - they are just really close friends - and she doesn't feel close to anyone else right now. I told her that I was done living like this and that she needed to get her life in order and plan where he would be living. She still says she is confused and doesn't know what to do - and should she just fake it.

After this conversation - she left on Sunday (D and I went out before she did - so we would not have to have contact.) I know she left in the morning and she didn't return until 11pm. This morning she acted as if everything was fine.

Yesterday - I exposed A to her family - and I am SO SO SO thankful I did.
first questions they asked me were - did i have custody of D squared away (and I do) and could I afford the house on my own (which I can).

I was amazed at the support I receieved. They said D and I are always welcome. They would like to see us this coming weekend. That they experienced this with my W once before but they thought she had grown up.
They said she is aking the biggest mistake of her life...and that anyone who would leave their 3 year old D was just horrible.

They want to speak to her...and I am sure they will try. Don't knowif she will hear what they have to say - BUT - I feel better knowing that the exposure is done.

I am sure she is going to be really pissed at me about this - BUT - I it had to be done. Everyone has told me she never has felt the consequences of her actions...I do believe she will this time around...and this is not in a vindictive way - butin a way that it needs to be clear to her that her actions do have meaning to many people around her - and the hurt she has caused is real and devastating to us all.

I went through your other thread and I couldn't find where you did much of a job of exposing this adultery to anyone. Are there no other targets for exposure? Workplace, church or temple, professional organizations, OM's wife and family? What have you done and what haven't you done?

Hey Longhorn...
I have exposed to her work, to our friends, my family and now her family. OM is now single...I don't know when this occurred - if they were seperated when this started or not....

She is STILL making the "just friends" claim. I have not read your other thread but have you attempted to hide a Voice Activated Digital Voice Recorder (purchase at Radio Shack) in her car up under the driver or passenger seat to get the full truth?

Sorry if you've already documented the affair but as a male, despite WW's recent actions, in court you may need a lot of documentation to win full/primary custody.

Good Luck, Mr. Wondering

PUT a recording device in her car...

Radio Shack
fresh batteries weekly

and just sit on any evidence you may acquire this way ... act like you know nothing about what goes on in her car

put the taped conversations in a safety deposit box for future 'just in case' situations

Plan A like a house-on-fire

meet her needs ESPECIALLY for CONVERSATION and RECREATION

take her out for lunches or teas ... stretch yourself a bit ... all the while gathering evidence

COMPLIMENT her frequently ... but don't over-reach

find out who OM is and get exposure opportunities on that side as well

keep to Plan A

don't LB

but stand up for your marriage

alert your DD's pre-school (if she has one) ~~~>

"We are in a family/marriage crisis. Please call ME (make sure you give them YOUR phone#) if there is any acting out here at pre-school. I am very concerned for MY daughter's well being."

Don't mention adultery ... but they will put 2+2 together.

Peace

Pep

PS

put that message to the school IN WRITING

and keep a copy

and FOLLOW UP weekly with the teachers ... demonstrate to them you are concerned and involved ... if the future holds a custody hearing .... you will look like the best parent

Pep

Thank you for checking back in, CL...

Good to see you.

Please do not take WW's truth as The truth...find out if OM is truly single through public records. I ask because OM doesn't tell truth, WW passes on or distorts what she thinks is truth...and we have the whole telephone game going.

You verify for you...and still expose to OM's family...'k?

Truth matters.

Big kudos on exposing to WW's family...being brave pays off in how you feel about yourself, doesn't it?

Glad you're here...

LA

No - I don't trust her as far as I can throw her right now...all she does is lie and cover her tracks....so i am definitely not buying the just good friends crap.

I have got a voice recorder for in her "bedroom" right now...just picked it up...I know there are alot of conversations going on at night...SO i am on top of this.

Yes I am glad I called her family...they are standing up for me - they know my character...which is nice BUT I am little concerned over what her reaction will be - I am sure she is going to go BALLISTIC - she has a bad temper. please give your thoughts...should I forewarn her that I have spoken to them? Someone suggested that I do that - but she will never pick up the phone to talk to them if I give her a heads up????

I actually have been considering talking with the teachers at school. Thanks for the confirmation on that. I pick her up everyday so I will have a chat with them this afternoon.

Yes i do have solid confirmation that OP is single...

CL

""BUT I am little concerned over what her reaction will be - I am sure she is going to go BALLISTIC - she has a bad temper.""

What does it matter at this point?? Ballistically speaking YOU should be the one going into orbit!! (good job of keeping the MB cool, by the way <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />)

By flagrantly throwing this in your face, a plan B or worse seems to be your only option. Completely go dark on her.

I would change the locks and not answer the door.

If she came to you all humble and apologetic right now, would you take her back?? Think HARD on this.

k

I don't know how i could ever trust her again...you are right it has been flagrent and horrific. I told her i wanted her out - that i was buying out the house...and selling the car - i didn't want my name on any deeds with her - that it was ridiculous at this point - she got very teary - but then went out with Op anyway.

i don't think she will come back... she is not the type to be humble or apologetic. if it were to happen - i don't even know how i would broach it...there would have to be ALOT of therapy, she would have to quit her job....and she would have to stay in the guest room for quite some time before i would share my bed with her....and even then i don't think i could trust her.

i am actually quite content and happy on my own.

CL, please hold yourself present...do not go into the future...just present.

What do you mean you don't think she will come back...she was there this morning, wasn't she?

One day at a time...for clarity, 'k?

Did you read all of the posts...they will help you stay present.

LA

i will stay in the present...one day at a time eh?

Yeah, toots...just acknowledging that's all humans have ever had.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi, HUMAN!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

LA

wow - i wish i felt human right now...or perhaps it is all too human. this nightmare is lingering a little too long for me. I have asked her to leave now numerous times and she keeps coming back and acting like her behavior is acceptable. i am so tired i don't know how i keep going...actually i have pretty given up thoughts of the future with her - all i do is go day to day. My thoughts of the future all revolve around me and my kid.

humanity is rough.

LA you wrote - "What do you mean you don't think she will come back...she was there this morning, wasn't she?"

she told me the only reason she wasn't gone was because the house was her home too...and D is her kid too. (although she is never here and is not parenting.)

anyone have any ideas why she won't leave??? I believe what she is doing now is cruel and intolerable punishment...phone records show she was on the phone @1 am ... i couldn't install the recorder because she home all night. tonight i can get it done.

but why is she still here - why won't she just leave - and give me MY space and peace? she only sees D for 5 - 10 mins in the morning - that is it.

Okay...I see where I got the "won't come back" to the marriage, not the house.

Hey, I'm slow.

What is your plan, then? I thought you were getting the legal stuff going to get her out? I thought that wax culminating last week or the week before?

There are many things you can try...why not get all the families together (yours and hers), and friends and have them all over next Saturday night for an intervention?

What if your only words to her was, "Be decent--move out."

Said without a smile or a threatening face...just dispassionately, repeatedly?

You didn't go for boxing up her stuff and putting it in the driveway or front lawn after her Sunday romp...including all cosmetics, hair care stuff...every hair clip, shoe and piece of jewelry...

Nor did you go for the accompanying sign on her stuff that said, "My Wife's Affair Partner is Taking Care of Her Now"

Ideas which are true...ask for help and ideas from your family...ask for them all to call her, one after the other...

Give out OM's cell # and have every relative and friend call him and say they know he is destroying a marriage and that they are telling everyone they know his name and number...

You can do this...one call per person is not harassment.

I know you have consulted a lawyer...I know you let your love bank go dry...and Plan B is for protecting what was left, going dark after being light...and all this now sounds retaliatory...I don't know what else to advise.

In your state, is there the alienation of affection law? Could you file suit against OM?

When she declares she's single...show her the marriage license...make copies....keep handing them to her. "Be decent--move out."

You're still keeping the parenting journal, right? Dates and times, etc.?

How about that anger journal?

(((((CL))))))

LA

It’s extreme cake eating. She doesn't want to give you up until she finishes "trying out" the other man. She has no regard for you whatsoever. It's typical. In fact, she's probably angry that you don't support her in her quest to connect deeper with her "soul mate," and the "love of her life." She thinks you should be happy she’s happy, and she thinks the kids will be all right with it too, if they could only understand.

There are any number of threads out here, pardner, where a wayward spouse has completely abandoned children in pursuit of the fantasy world. Quit expecting anything from this alien. They don't think like us.

You may well have to file for divorce or a legal separation in order to get her out of the house so you can start Plan B.

CL,

""anyone have any ideas why she won't leave??? ""

Where could she go?? Her folks?

OM must not want her ALL the time, or she would be moving in with him.

Suggest she move in with him. That could start an interesting discussion.

Tell her to get her own place close to her work. She can afford one, correct? Convince her you want her to go since she desires to be so independent. Help her move with a smile on your face.

THEN change the locks.

k

repeating - Be decent - move out - is excellent.

I almost packed up the baby and left the other day. She is so completely in my face - i wanted to leave before i blow up. but then i abandon the house...

she claims she has nowhere to go and her job will be ending in a few weeks. and I guess yes OM must not want her full time - yet...not sure why - i heard stories of a sick mother - i don't know - don't really care either.

i have consulted a lawyer - i am waiting for a copy of the deed to be sent to me by the county - we have only lived here 6 months and haven't even gotten the deed yet...then attorney is putting together a quick deed - or warrenty deed - but i have to get her to sign it. which i think i can get her to do.

I do have OM cell number - i like the idea of giving it out.

My Love Bank has gone dry because she is so in my face and nonchalantly shi**y about this. Like it just should mean nothing to me. Had she just left when it all began - i probably would have been much better able to equip myself and perhaps hold on. or if she freakin hid it better. now and then i start to feel sad and then - she is on the phone - or talking about it in my face...but we are just friends....and then i am furious again.

she shows no respect or care in the world for me or D.

changing the locks day - will be a day of celebration - i think i will buy some champagne.