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Here is my plan B letter. I had a brillant one last year that I never used. Then he found it when he was trying to figure out what I had on him! I believe A is over...he still won't talk about it so I don't know for sure. He is out of the house. Staying at his Dad's living in our RV no OW sitings by anyone.
I plan to give him letter Thursday night after the art show at kid's school. Here goes...I think its too long...any suggestions are welcome.
M,
These are dark and confusing times we are going through. We are on a path that I never imagined we would take. Over the years our paths have strayed. I look back at where we came from and I can see some of the signs we missed along the way.
I am so sorry that I took your love for granted. I didn't take the time to show you how much I appreciated you. I wish I had really listened to what you were trying to tell me and that I made myself understood. We didn't make our marriage a priority which allowed you to bond to OW.
Now we need to choose a new direction, which is why we decided to separate, to take the time and think about what we really want. The path I choose is full of light, love, compassion, discovery and laughter. I would like you to join me on this path. Not that we won't have challenges, I believe with our combined strengths we can reach new heights.
To join me there can be no contact of any kind with OW...ever.I need you to commit to make me, our marriage and our family a priority. Until you are able to make that commitment I have to remove you from my daily life.
You can email me w/ financial concerns and scheduling time w/ the kids. You and the kids can communicate freely. I have attached a copy of our separation agreement and the budget. Any other issues you can contact me through Sandy.
I know that you do not intend to hurt me but our interactions do just that. My feelings for you run deep, I want you to be my husband anything less then that tears a piece of my heart. This separation is protecting my love for you in hope that you will choose the same path to continue our journey together.
Please respect my wishes and know that I want only good things for us .
I love you.
K
edited to add: corrections/changes/additions in bold italics.
Last edited by ChaCha; 05/24/06 11:21 AM.
aka-confused42
BS-45 me
WH-42
DS-14 & DD-12
together 21 yrs, married 18.5yrs
"I love you but not IN love with you" speech 6/3/04
D-Day 2/25/05; WH moved out 3/15/05 & back too soon 3/22/05...He left again 5/8/06
5/25/06 Plan B.....NC letter 6/18/06
Recovery finally began Jan 2007
We are IN love again!!!Sept 2007
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,978
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OP
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,978 |
comments???? I know it can't be THAT good! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
aka-confused42
BS-45 me
WH-42
DS-14 & DD-12
together 21 yrs, married 18.5yrs
"I love you but not IN love with you" speech 6/3/04
D-Day 2/25/05; WH moved out 3/15/05 & back too soon 3/22/05...He left again 5/8/06
5/25/06 Plan B.....NC letter 6/18/06
Recovery finally began Jan 2007
We are IN love again!!!Sept 2007
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539 |
C42! I didn't recognize the name. I would drop the word "must" as it sounds like demands instead of boundaries. I would change the closing line to say you only want good things for "us" instead of "you" as it sounds a bit controlling, KWIM?
Last edited by faithful follower; 05/22/06 02:05 PM.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,978
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Thanks FF!!
(I'm glad your FWH passed the "test")
aka-confused42
BS-45 me
WH-42
DS-14 & DD-12
together 21 yrs, married 18.5yrs
"I love you but not IN love with you" speech 6/3/04
D-Day 2/25/05; WH moved out 3/15/05 & back too soon 3/22/05...He left again 5/8/06
5/25/06 Plan B.....NC letter 6/18/06
Recovery finally began Jan 2007
We are IN love again!!!Sept 2007
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,978
Member
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OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,978 |
bump for comments
psst. its me C42, aka confused42....maybe I should go back to my old screen name.
aka-confused42
BS-45 me
WH-42
DS-14 & DD-12
together 21 yrs, married 18.5yrs
"I love you but not IN love with you" speech 6/3/04
D-Day 2/25/05; WH moved out 3/15/05 & back too soon 3/22/05...He left again 5/8/06
5/25/06 Plan B.....NC letter 6/18/06
Recovery finally began Jan 2007
We are IN love again!!!Sept 2007
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 782
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 782 |
I'm just in the midst of writing mine too, but think yours
is really good !
I'm going to "re-write" mine tonight or tomorrow with a
few adjustments and will give it to WH on Thurs when I
have to see WH to do the land sale closing.
Hope your weekend was okay. I really had a rough time Saturday, feeling absolute hopelessness and despair, but felt better yesterday, after making myself get up and do things, meet my parents for lunch, walk the dog, and
watch a movie.
Weekdays are better since I'm busy all day at work, then
have things to do and limited time in the evenings.
No contact with WH since the message he left on Friday-
Is your WH still calling, stopping by ?
Slammed
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bump for comments 2 days til plan B
aka-confused42
BS-45 me
WH-42
DS-14 & DD-12
together 21 yrs, married 18.5yrs
"I love you but not IN love with you" speech 6/3/04
D-Day 2/25/05; WH moved out 3/15/05 & back too soon 3/22/05...He left again 5/8/06
5/25/06 Plan B.....NC letter 6/18/06
Recovery finally began Jan 2007
We are IN love again!!!Sept 2007
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,401
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,401 |
Hi ChaCha, I almost couldn't find you after you changed your handle.
I like the letter and the only thing I would change is...
Until you are able to make that commitment I have to remove you from my daily life.
to...
Until that time, I cannot have any contact with you.
You already mentioned the commitment factor in the sentence before and when I read "remove you" it almost sounded like a DJ.
Other than that, I think it sounds great.
Keep up posted!
Married 10 years, Legally Seperated Aug 2,2006 1 year of Plan A followed by 1 year of Plan B... ...now stepping towards recovery????? BH 37(me), WW 35, DB 7 & DD 5 My Story My struggle with an EA
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,978
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HTW,
Thanks you know I was thinking about that line this morning.But couldn't put my finger on an alternative. I like your suggestion. "remove you from my daily life" I could just see WH...squirming about that one "What do you mean I moved out didn't I?" I'll have the final draft up this afternoon...I give it to him tomorrow.
I'm gonna go find your thread. Anything new?
aka-confused42
BS-45 me
WH-42
DS-14 & DD-12
together 21 yrs, married 18.5yrs
"I love you but not IN love with you" speech 6/3/04
D-Day 2/25/05; WH moved out 3/15/05 & back too soon 3/22/05...He left again 5/8/06
5/25/06 Plan B.....NC letter 6/18/06
Recovery finally began Jan 2007
We are IN love again!!!Sept 2007
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,978
Member
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OP
Member
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,978 |
Ok here is the final draft. Changes are bold.
M.
These are dark and confusing times we are going through. We are on a path that I never imagined we would take. Over the years our paths have strayed. I look back at where we came from and I can see some of the signs we missed along the way.
I am so sorry that I took your love for granted. I didn't take the time to show you how much I appreciated you. I wish I had really listened to what you were trying to tell me and that I made myself understood. We didn't make our marriage a priority, which allowed you to bond to OW.
Now we need to choose a new direction, which is why we decided to separate, to take the time and think about what we really want. The path I choose is one of forgiveness , love, compassion, discovery and laughter. I would like you to join me on this path. I’m sure we will have challenges along the way but, I believe with our combined strengths we can reach new heights.
To join me there can be no contact of any kind with OW...ever .I need you to commit to make me, our marriage and our family a priority. Until that time I cannot have contact with you.
You can email me w/ financial concerns and scheduling time w/ the kids. You and the kids can communicate freely. I have attached a copy of our separation agreement and the budget. Any other issues you can contact me through Sandy.
I know that you do not intend to hurt me but our interactions do just that. My feelings for you run deep, I want you to be my husband anything less then that tears a piece of my heart. This separation is protecting my love for you in hope that you will choose the same path to continue our journey together.
Please respect my wishes and know that I want only good things for us .
I love you.
K
aka-confused42
BS-45 me
WH-42
DS-14 & DD-12
together 21 yrs, married 18.5yrs
"I love you but not IN love with you" speech 6/3/04
D-Day 2/25/05; WH moved out 3/15/05 & back too soon 3/22/05...He left again 5/8/06
5/25/06 Plan B.....NC letter 6/18/06
Recovery finally began Jan 2007
We are IN love again!!!Sept 2007
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539
Member
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Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539 |
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,401
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,401 |
CC, Send it to print!
How are you feeling?
Married 10 years, Legally Seperated Aug 2,2006 1 year of Plan A followed by 1 year of Plan B... ...now stepping towards recovery????? BH 37(me), WW 35, DB 7 & DD 5 My Story My struggle with an EA
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 782
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 782 |
Sounds really good to me, Cha Cha.
I think it will really hit home with your WH, especially
as attached and involved as he still is with you and your
family.
I am finalizing my letter today too, and will give it to
WH tomorrow.
Hang in there !
Slammed
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Thanks for the support guys!!! WH called tonight complaining about some bills (1st time in 18 years he had to deal w/ bills)....making it much easier for plan B.
I've done plan A to death...and he still wouldn't commit to M. I don't want to go through the rest of my life feeding him cake!!
aka-confused42
BS-45 me
WH-42
DS-14 & DD-12
together 21 yrs, married 18.5yrs
"I love you but not IN love with you" speech 6/3/04
D-Day 2/25/05; WH moved out 3/15/05 & back too soon 3/22/05...He left again 5/8/06
5/25/06 Plan B.....NC letter 6/18/06
Recovery finally began Jan 2007
We are IN love again!!!Sept 2007
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