Pepperband, LC,
Thanks. You know, when you're going through something it sometimes helps to hear opinions from those who aren't emotionally attached and are looking objectively at the situation. Of course, you only have my side to go on.
Yeah, he is a bully. A big bully.
How does your daughter feel about him? Does she love him? How has he treated her while you were living together? How does he treat her now?
Actually, in my state at 14 she has the right to say no to visitation. I think he might would try to see her just to tick me off but if she says no that's all there is to it. And, in the settlement it is written that visitation is at her request only.
She can't stand him. He waffles back and forth w/her as he does me. Today he misses her and cries talking about her and tomorrow he's calling her a princess and saying things about how she gets what she wants, etc.
She asked me the other day if we were getting a D. I said that it looked that way. She said when. I said I was working on it. She said I need to hurry up. She said she didn't want to see him, didn't want to go back to the house, etc. She wants nothing to do w/him. He has said and done some of his nasty stuff in front of her and he scares her.
At this point, I could make it on my own. But, and maybe it's just being vindictive or greedy or call it what you want but:
1) I didn't beg him to adopt her; his idea.
2) I was willing to do w/o CS when I thought we weren't going to make it b/c we just had too many problems.
3) He has manipulated me by threatening suicide every time I get close w/D.
4) I found out what he had been doing with all the OW and it has made me sick to think of him acting that way while I'm thinking "poor baby" and about how I could take a lot less in the settlement in order to make sure he was okay.
He has been manipulating me for years and I'm beginning to see that now. I have carried the financial weight of the family for several years now yet am going to get less than 1/2 of everything. I don't think I'm asking for too much. He's angry about ring, CS, college fund. But, how much do I have to give to make him happy?
He basically says that:
if I keep the ring I'll be sorry.
if I get CS I'll be sorry.
He threatens to expose my past to everyone which really means to the guy at church that he thinks I've had a PA with. Not true and I think him saying it makes him feel better about all the junk he's done. I know that he has already told at least one person b/c they told me and it was word for word; no other way they could have known. Jerk.
Now, he hangs over my head the fact that he found a tape reocrder I put at our house; I'm the one who moved out. But, I was told some stuff and wanted to know the truth. Found out way more than I wanted to. He says he called the cops and started a file but I don't know if he did or not. He is always saying stuff that I don't know is true or not.
So, he can't just say "okay, we can't make it work". He has to be nasty and threaten and manipulate and curse and.....
