I believe that the OW becomes clean of her sin, only in the moment that she chooses to stop blaming the MM for his part. She picks up her life, and makes the best choices she can for her child - which in most cases, she is UNWILLING to do - to think in the best interests of a child, who deserves to grow up untainted by her sin - adoption... Nah - most will never be that selfless, caring, and committed to not having her sin pass upon the head of her out-of-wedlock baby.

Instead, most choose the faux-martyr route - claiming to sacrifice her life for the sake of her child. BA-LONE EEEE!! Her child could have a mommy AND a daddy, who are in a committed, covenant marriage relationship, untainted by the cheating and lying that surrounded that baby's conception... I've seen OW post here about how they just couldn't "do that" to their child - do what? Give them two parents with one less reason for conflict??? Give me a break!

Likewise, when MM stops blaming the OW for tempting him, leading him from his covenants, his beloved wife and children... that he sinned all on his own, and if it hadn't been her, it would have been someone else because of HIS willingness to sin...

Sadly, he has no power to choose for the child's future, in today's legal system. Instead, he must make due with the whims of a woman who has already partnered with him in attempts to destroy all that he once held dear, and wants to hold dear again. He cannot choose the selfless act of adoption so that a baby can have two emotionally unencumbered parents...

Oh well. Lie to yourself if you want to OW - but I am not deceived. While you blame the MM in any way shape or form, you are not reformed, and you are still the OW. While you lock your child's future to your sinful relationship, you are not reformed.

Kayla

I gotta hand it to you

you are honest as the day is long

I dig that!

Pep

[quote]
I always secretly suspected this played a larger role than people are comfortable admitting. Thanks for your insight. I am sorry for the obvious pain this has bestowed on your life. [quote]

At first I was shocked. I was shocked that this "woman" would come after me. Would have the audacity to hate me because she could not get at my husband. I also thought why should I kick him out. He is/was a good man. He was a good man who did something really stupid and hurtful.

Also, he WANTED to stay. Over and over he tries to make it up. So yes at first I stayed because she was not going to get him. The funny thing is after finding out MORE about her, they wouldn't have lasted anyway.

So yes I started out staying with my husband because I didn't want her to get him but I ended up staying because our love grew STRONGER because of this.

Of course we have no contact. In our case, I do not believe that our marriage could work with contact.

The more things that the OW did the more she turned off my husband. I just sat back and watched. I never said anything bad about her never had to. Her letters, phone calls etc. showed her true colors.

The greatest honor a student can receive is one given by her teacher.

Thanks!

I don't think The Other Woman with Baby is coming back.

I hope she gets the help she needs.

I hope she read the messages written here and took them to heart to get a better perspective of what is really going on in her life and begin to heal.

Good luck, TOWB

Well, I guess she wanted to know, and I think she heard the pain. Hopefully she can better understand where the BS is coming from now.

I know I didn't mean to scare her away, but I think it was imperative for her to see, what this does to families, individuals, marriages, children. I wish her nothing but the best. I mean that.

Excellent thread.

I trully believe that people dont like things people do, but that's because they don't understand. You all attack this woman for what she did and right now you all may say "I would've never done that", but the truth is you all have not been in her shoes. Yes what she did is not right in the eyes of God, but how many things have we all done that are not right. A sin is a sin no matter how small it is. You all don't have to understand what I'm saying and I respect you opinion. Unfortunately, this happened to her today, well this may happen to you tomorrow.

Not everyone attacked.

Some tried to help.

All encompassing statements have pitfalls, no?

So, what is your point? That since many of us find her behavior horribly selfish, that WE are wrong? Sorry, I don't think WE are wrong.

You say we don't like what she did cause we don't understand????? What is to understand? She had an affair with a married man and sees herself as a victim and now has the gall to question the wife's behavior/morals? STOW.

What is your point anyway? That she is somehow some poor victim here? She is not a victim. Not at all. Her own choices have her where she is, and her child too. She is reaping what she has sown.

They all are are victims. You all don't know exactly what the wife did for her husband to find love somewhere else. She is the victim? How do you know. There are consequences for what we do. Yes the wife had to suffer that her husband had an affair but was he getting from her what he really needed, obviously not. Now she has to suffer the consequences of her actions. Now the woman with the baby has to suffer the consequences to take care of a baby that she had with a married man. Is she the victim? We don't know. There are things that happen in life and they are for a reason. Besides we don't know what happens behind doors. Don't all married people know that. When I said that you don't understand is that you are not in her shoes so you don't undertand why she did what she did. I understand the point of view of everyone, we all are human and have different opinions. I understand that she is concerned about her baby being treated right because above all she is a mother and she wants to protect her baby no matter what we all say.

>You all don't know exactly what the wife did for her husband to find love somewhere else.
>She is the victim?

Yes. The wife IS the victim. And if the shoe fell and SHE (the wife) had an affair...HE would be the victim (no matter if he cheated first)

There is NO good reason to have an affair. Period. I don't care if she's gained 400 lbs. has a bad attitude, terminal halitosis, boils on her butt, and a club foot...still not a reason.

You don't like how you're living with your spouse....that's what divorce is for.

>I understand the point of view of everyone, we all are human and have different opinions.

Respectfully, bull hockey. No one understands everyone's pov. Again...there you go making all encompassing statements.

(sigh)

To quote dear Lemonman, "some people don't get it, and they don't get that they don't get it." Sadly, from your TWO posts you've made that abundantly clear.

Rubi - - I'm sorry but I'm laughing out (loud) and a load at this last post of yours. Perhaps you should put on some ruby slippers, tap your heels twice and instead of staying here in reality go back to the land of OZ, as it appears that's where you came from. Are you for real?! And - - - this is a P/C Forum in the Marriage Builders site, not a forum for OW's to come and whine, sniffle and snort.

I see you just registered and have a total of two posts. Must be from one of the other forums where some nasty OW's (didn't say all) chew their cud and then spew it all over the innocents.

gods and fishes, what have we got here.
moral relativism at its finest. Rubi, with all due respect, i dont think you have the slighest idea what you are talking about.

This didnt HAPPEN to her. She made a choice. a choice that had consequences that she is now living. The MM had a choice too and he is also living with the consequences. The only ones who didnt have a choice were the OC and the BW. This did HAPPEN to them.

Blaming the betrayed parter for the wayward spouses decison to stray is akin to blaming the rape victim for wearing a short skirt. and no, that isnt putting to fine a point on it.

Carolyn

TO Rubi,

Ya know what, ***** *** and your thoughts. I am the BW and I don't remeber forcing my husband to have sex with the OW, I don't remeber causing this, what I do remeber is laying awake at night wondering where my husband was, worrying that he was in an accident and dead on the road somewhere, I remember comforting him when this all fell apart, when what HE and HER chose to do, they were the only ones present when the affair began, what ever was wrong in our marriage he chose not to fix, he chose to have an affair, he chose an easy way out for him, that in the long run is costing everyone. We took vows, for better for worse, sickness and in health, foresaking all others until death do us part, since when did saying those vows before God, give him the right to an affair, when did that make it okay for him to have an affair for things that I did wrong in our marriage, Rubi you are so far off base, and I pray God gives you some sort of enlightenment. The OW here is choosing this for her life, she is not a victim nor is my husband, my children are, I am and the OC is. No one else, Regardless of what I did wrong. and as for the OW she knew he was married and they don't care so ya know what I don't care about them they had no regard for my feelings or my childrens, but now I am suppose to open my heart and have some sort of compassion for how their lives are a mess now, ****** no, they chose this, they chose to lay down in bed with someone elses husband, and I would never do that. I know that, yea I know I haven't walked in her shoes, but has she walked in mine. No, she hasn't she is expecting everyone do care for her and the fact that the married man stayed with his wife, well ya know what that is what he wanted all along or he would have left his wife. He just temporaily forgot that he loved his wife so much and now he is doing everything in his power to save that love, so if you ask if I care no I don't, She and our Husband chose this life for us, they did this no one else regardless of any extenuating circumstances, so as I said in the begining, ***** *** rubi and your thoughts.

That is not necessary true. Not every person is able to give up or other resourses given to her. I've met some great one parent homes and some great two parent homes. I've also seen some awful one parent homes and some awful two parent homes.

I've got 3 I'm raising. My two in school are both on the honor roll and It's due to ME dedicating my time and self for them and of course the hard work they put into there work. So to say it's baaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllonnnnnnnne is not fair. It's a very general statement.

Children need a mommy and a daddy - they are better off. Single moms - my hats off to them. But, for an OW to claim she's acting in the best interests of an innocent baby by keeping that child from having a mommy and daddy who are unencumbered by the cheating lying relationship... THAT is BA-LONE-EEEEEEEE.

Daddies are important to little boys and little girls. Yes. You can raise them without... But I speak from experience. It's a very dangerous road to grow up hungry for a daddy's love. Paint a great big bulls-eye for predators!

Rubi...

I'm not going to debate whether the wife was a good person or a bad person, I don't really know, but I do know she was the WIFE...with that she deserves the respect from her H and any woman out her not to be betrayed. I don't care what she did at home...if he doesn't like it, he could leave, and if another woman felt he was being mistreated, then she should WAIT until he leaves.

The original poster wanted honest responses and that's what she got.

Awww...Mary, we KNOW you are a good mom! Yes, it is true we don't always have a choice. I was a single mum to my oldest for 6 years because I was stupid and got preggers without being m'd. Baby's daddy had no interest in marriage. Hugs to you!

What I find most disturbing is that alot of ow will wait and wait for months maybe years in hope for the mm to leave his wife and kids so that she can give him what he is missing at home or whatever they are supposedly rescuing him from. I mean really give me a break that just eats me alive to know that once things don't go their way or the end up raising a child from mm alone that they all of a sudden care about what the BS is thinking or how their oc will be treated. I understand that men lie and sometimes people fall for it, but that fact that he is married is no lie and anyone who gets involved with a mm can give a rats behind about the hurt that they are inflicting on others. If the mm did leave and continue the relationship with ow then I don't think she would be caring too much about the children from the BS and how they will fare in this ordeal. She would more than likely be on some site getting the approval of others and pats on the back about how she has finally made it and congrats on winning her man. Talk about wanting to make me vomit. Were you needing advice about the affair before the child came about? No you were eating up his every word waiting to see if he would drop the bomb on his wife and confess his undying love for you! Then the two of you could go off and live happily ever after right? Well oh looka here where you are. I don't like to see anyone hurt but hey this is the bed you have made for yourself. Search your own heart and I bet you would find you would not be so down and out if things worked out the way that you hoped.

I really feel sorry for the oc and hope that you can move on and allow this child to grow up as normal as possible considering the circumstances. The child did not ask to brought into this world. The child does have a father who happens to be married so therfore the oc has a stepmother. You can not control their home and neither can you deny the father the right to have visitation without due cause. So live with it, and if the mm's family wants the child around then I guess you will just have to suck that up too. If you didn't want that situation then you should have walked away when he told you he was married. The fact that you didn't means you were just as selfish as mm, and so whatever lies he fed you jokes on you!


I love my stepson with all my heart he is part of my family though I'm not his bio mother. I don't treat him any different than my own. I don't have to like the ow or like what she did but the oc was and is innocent so therefore in my eyes worthy of love. I believe in karma and what you do to others will come to bite you in the [censored] sooner or later. Some just a little sooner.

My advice is to live and let go. If the mm family is willing to love this oc let them you don't know just how much of a blessing that is considering what was done is very damaging. Your lucky if they were not to just decide to turn their back and not deal with it at all. I just hope that one of your lessons is that you wouldn't do that again because would you want it done to you and your family if the shoe was on the other foot? I take it you would be just as hurt and devasted as anybody if it were your marriage. Your human and not some superwoman which it seems alot of ow claim to be. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />