I was just reading Eav's thread and k.d.'s heartbreak thinks one of the reasons why her H was attracted to OW because she was similar to his mother, sister and neice.

I know I was attracted to OM because he is very much like my brother. My brother was my best friend when I was a child... I even thought he was my "soulmate."

My brother developed bipolar disorder when he was a teenager and we no longer have the relationship we once did. I was/am devistated by his illness and continue to mourn the loss of our original relationship... he will never be the same person he was, although we are working on building a better relationship now.

OM had so many characteristics of my brother when he was well. I fell so hard for him... I thought I had found my "soulmate."

Any other FWW have similar experiences? Or BSs who think their WS were attracted to OPs who resemble family? Since folks are sometimes attracted to other people who are similar to family members (especially if there is unfinished business) I thought I would throw this question out there...

My H is more like me, we both had similar upbringings/experiences and I think were attracted to each other because we saw ourselves in each other. He does have some similar traits to my dad, but he doesn't resemble anyone in my family like OM did. Just curious...

Hey K~
How are you doing? Has OM still been making himself visible to you?
I hope things continue to get better for you and your H. I think you are a great person and I have a lot of respect for you.

I agree with you and would like to add my thoughts. Affairs are mostly based on fantasy and illusion. The WS projects what they want to see in the OP that I believe mask over many of the faults or out right lies of the OP.

I think that it would be common for a WS to find similar traits of a friend or family member in an OP. The thing my WS did was constantly compare the OP to people she liked looking to link something they like and thus confirm or justify there affair.

My WW has said before that the OP reminded her of her older brother that she has always been close to. My WW never had a relationship with her father and her older brother was really the only father figure in her life. So I would say there was/is some kind of projection of goodness that has been made onto OP because of the couple things she relates with. Almost blind to the other horrible things OP is.

Long story short, I feel that comparing and measuring the OP is probably common for a WS to do. It is that search to validate and justify. Besides when we measure what do we have to use as a scale to compare to? I think that answer is our experiences, which are most likely our family members.
My relationship with me wife is a lot like yours I think. Me and my WW actually share so many of the same common traits and the same type of back ground growing up. I would agree that she seen in me things that were similar and what other things she respected, maybe aspired to be more like and admired.
I think my WW has continued to search for the good inside her OP thinking that there is more depth there than of a mud puddle. WHY? I think because she is trying to answer for herself WHY she thinks she fell in love with him. WHY she can't just stop thinking about him.
To me the fog is basically her projection of what she thinks is love, happiness, and desires. Once the fog is gone what is there? In this case I feel there is such a small fraction of what she really thought/thinks is there it just is not real. However, emotions and feelings are real even if the relationship is not. I guess that is why it takes so long to realize that an OP is not the soulmate that they had thought. I think Harley figures say an affair relationship does not last more than 2 years. I say this because it must take this amount of time the emotions to fade and allow the fog and projection of goodness to go away.
I kind of rambled on here.
Good to here from you, and I hope things continue to improve with your emotions and ultimately your marriage.

(Dazed)