LA,
Thanks for your message. I read your previous post carefully. You speak a lot of sense. I was preparing a reply but decided to sit back to rest my mind and let things meander on for a while.I will read that post a few more times now.
Meanwhile there has been a slight development though not necessarily progress towards reconciliation.

WW has ben increasing the time spent with OM from about 20% to about 60% over the past 2 or 3 weeks.
Over the past week I have sensed something was happening.
She returned home after a long weekend with OM on Sunday 17/09/06. Next day she suggested I did not give her a hug as OM has a virus of some sort.This seemed to be the reason why she was at home for the rest of the week.She has not stayed a night with him since.
I was away on a long horseball weekend with DD12 this last weekend. We took both our horses and had a good time.Although she spent the Friday evening at the Ship Inn I learnt she did not spend the night there nor the Sat night.
On the Sunday evening I took DD12 out for a meal and WW went off to see OM. She returned home before midnight.
The next morning she came to see me to tell me that she and OM were ending the Affair.....she said a mutual decision...doesn't want people to think he is ditching her!!. I had heard rumours a couple of weeks ago that the Affair was ending. She has been aware he prefers someone else. I am sure she must still be infatuated by him. She says they will remain friends and she will still visit the Ship Inn.

continued...

Yes, she said they are remaining friends but no more intimacy.
She said OM had given her back the confidence she had lost while DD21 was being VERY difficult for 5 years up to 2005.
She said he has helped her a lot in sorting herself out with advice.
This morning she is off job hunting..."in case we sell the house". She has had in mind getting a job for a long time which is quite sensible. She says she wants her independence.
She also says she wants to chat soon. Whether its separation, divorce, or our relationship I have no idea.
It may soon be appropriate to discuss our relationship anyway. What might have caused the Affair, our important emotional needs...etc... I get the indication from comments that a return to sexual intimacy is something she cannot envisage at the moment...and could be a problem.
I assume she will have to "fall in love" with me again?!.
...which may be difficult to achieve while she still goes to OM's Inn to meet friends and join in on the weekly quiz night. She will inevitably be seeing and speaking to OM.

WW has a mysterious Hospital Appointment this afternoon.
She has seemed her "usual" current self this week. Seems fairly cheerfull and concentrating on finding a job.

Thank you for the update, Nagrom...can you tell me what you think, feel and believe about WW's actions? Do you really believe the A has ended? What have you said to her?

You will need to get STD testing before having SF with her. Please do this. And she will need to show you results, also...whether SF resumes right away or not. Consequences of an A...there are many, I'm sure you know.

Didn't see the update on your bday...would love to know.

What do you think now, Nagrom?

LA

Welcome back Nagrom.

Good to hear from you again.

Thankyou WTF for those kind words.
LA,
My birthday meal was a great success...all enjoyed themselves. WW was not invited which I think was a relief to her parents, despite their love for her.
It was a Friday evening..one of WW's usual nights out at the inn with OM. But I later learnt to my surprise that she stayed in and went to bed very early.
The present situation is uncertain with no possibility of reconciliation in sight. I keep occupied and busy but alternate between mild depression, false happiness and hopefullness.
It is still difficult to accept that someone so close to me physically and mentally for 27 years can suddenly become so indifferent and even callous. ...to myself and family, and even to her parents.
I will post a bit more about it later.

Whatever became of that hospital appointment?

MIM,
I have not yet found out.

It was back in April this year that WW had said she "did not love me anymore...did not desire...nor fancy me"!. The Affair had been running for a while..several weeks or more. Whether at that stage it was just EA I do not know. Later in May/June she said.."I know you won't believe me but we have not had sex yet". May have been a lie, but it happened soon afterwards anyway.
Later in Aprilafter about 2 weeks of wanting less and less physical contact she said she was separating and would move out of the bedroom. I moved out instead..unwillingly.

Since then..and still..we lived in the same house though separated at night. Sharing duties and remaining friendly.
All this time the Affair has continued with my knowledge but I made my utter disgust and dissapproval clear.
It is known that OM had 2 other women "on the go" when he seduced my (vulnerable?) W. WW has been aware for some while of these other women.
WW has now been rejected by OM and replaced with one of the other women..the one OM prefers.
WW tells me she and OM have mutually agreed to end the Affair but remain friends. WW saysshe does not want people to think she has been ditched / dumped.
Incidentally WW has spent much more time with OM for the past 3 weeks.

WW has stopped giving me the daily hug. The last time was on 17th September other than a later hug when DD12 and I departed for our horseball weekend. WW does just seem to be a little more distant from me now.
It does seem the Affair has ended..at least the PA. Except that WW and OM are apparently still friends and WW intends to spend evenings at OM's inn to see her friends and will thus inevitably see and speak to OM.
She really does play down the Affair as a friendship anyway!.
Will be interesting to see if OM's current OW will insist OM bars WW from the inn!.
................................

.......
.................I spent yesterday out with DD21 and her toddler. DD21 confirmed that OM has the other woman with him now. She agreed that this OW, whom she knows, will certainly not want WW seeing OM or visiting the inn.

When I arrived home later WW was there and exited at having had some good job interviews. She was happy and singing.
In fact today she was offered a job and thus "over the monn" and excrutiatingly happy...texting all her friends. She has gone to the inn this evening and will no doubt be celebrating.
She said she expects there lots of stories going round now about her and the Affair.
WW was critical of OW who she said has 2 children and noone to look after them except her mother. Left with the mother while she moves in with OM. WW said only temporary. And said that OW moves between OM and another!.

WW said she had walked into the Affair "with her eyes open" knowing it wouldn,t last. She is pleased that OM and she will remain good friends.
WW said to me that she expects I had hoped she would return to me when the Affair ended. ...the inference in the way it was said suggesting no chance!.

WW does appear sickenly cheerful at the moment.

Hello again,

Reading your latest update made me mad. She does not even care that she was used and disposed of by the OM, humiliated and disrespected her husband, and lost total respect from her children. What in the world are you hanging on to and why? She now knows that she can have an affair without consequences. Her comment that she and the OM can still be friends means she is willing to be his booty call when he wants her. It is your life but allowing her to continue to disrespect everything about you seems absurd at this point. I am sorry but I really get mad reading how she really shows distain for any common decency when it comes to you and your family. Enough is Enough!

Bryanp,
Thanks for taking the trouble to post on this. You are absolutely right as usual.
No comment for the present

WW left the houseyesterday, Friday evening by herself...tarted up...by herself. Presumably to the Ship inn to see her friends.
Appearing cheerful and "on a high" as she put it!...following her successful interviews. Texting her friends about and no doubt will celebrate.

She returned at 1.30 a.m. I was in my study below her room...quite well soundproofed. But I could hear her crying uncontrollably for a while...for herself?..the OM?..

She seemed in a reasonable frame of mind this morning. Some singing as usual!.

My guess is that she went to the Ship Inn all dolled up expecting the OM to be all over her. What probably happened is that he ignored her to be with his new woman. Reality set in and she could see he truly dumped her for somebody else. Rather than looking inward about how foolish, wasteful and destructive her behavior has been to all who truly love her; she will no doubt rationalize that this affair has increased her self-esteem, confidence, and made her a better and stronger person. This is to be expected because it is merely her justification for all of the horrible acts she has committed on her family. The problem is that this will lead to more affair in the future because she refuses to take responsibility that her actions were wrong, cruel and hurtful. Since she claims the affair is a positive development then it only makes sense to continue in future affairs. This is my take. I hope you are doing all right.

Bryanp,
Very astute observation. I think you have clarified it accurately. Thanks....I'm surviving!.
I can certainly see her having other affairs. She is an attractive and desirable woman..on the loose!!

Gives me something to think about. I asked her whether she was going out tonight....she said "does it matter?"..but she said although she had been invited out she would probably stay in as she intended to go to the Ship inn quiz night tomorrow.

My guess that the reason she is going back to the Ship inn tomorrow is because she is now angry and wants to make the OM jealous by flirting with other men in front of him and his new woman. If she does decide to engage in more affairs then it will be a matter of time until she finds one that she wants and who will want to marry her. Honestly I just do not see what you are getting out of this and seemingly waiting until she finds someone else permanently to be with. I just don't get it but of course I wish you luck.

Nagrom,

"The present situation is uncertain with no possibility of reconciliation in sight. I keep occupied and busy but alternate between mild depression, false happiness and hopefullness.

It is still difficult to accept that someone so close to me physically and mentally for 27 years can suddenly become so indifferent and even callous. ...to myself and family, and even to her parents."

What has changed in you, Nagrom? What have you realized about yourself, your life, that you didn't know before?

Are you saying here that you no longer want to reconcile?

Or are you still leaving all these choices in her hands?

LA

Bryanp,
Although she intends to continue going to the quiz night with her friends you may well be right in your analysis.
No...I am not getting much out of it. But I feel that a Plan B is still premature and that with property sale and division will separate us definitely for ever.
So I feel I have nothing to lose by "hanging on" in this way. Plan A was to run to mid December anyway. 6 months from "exposure".
For practical reasons I would wish not to sell before next Spring.

LA,
I don't think anything has changed in me. I still love and want W and wish for a reconciliation.
I think it has reached a stage where I will just have to continue "sitting back" and see how WW's relationship with OM ends if it hasn't.
Unless WW decides she wants to try and recover the marriage I am sure she will eventually settle down with someone else as Bryanp suggests.
I cannot force the issue...it will have to be her choice.

Yes LA, I do seem to be leaving the choice in her hands at the moment. And I am hoping she will not become too involved with someone else before I have found the opportune time to discuss our relationship, EN's..etc. I am sure she is not yet in a receptive frame of mind.
I have a good idea of her important EN's except where SF fits into it. The higher SF is in her list of EN's the more difficult may be reconciliation.
And having taken the separation this far I cannot see her slipping back into our relationship.
So I see myself "hanging on" for a while yet.
SF was definitely very good in our earlier days and I think was a significant factor in my enticing her away from her fiancee...I was then only 40...not much younger than OM!.

Are you saying that she started a relationship with you while she was committed toward someone else?