Needing, I haven't gone anywhere, but you're getting good advice from others so I thought I'd just watch quietly. I'm an excellent cook, but I don't do Cajun, for example, so I haven't had anything to add to that discussion.

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Your husband seems to be trying to make amends to you and that's a very healthy sign. You are adamant he's no longer in contact, though no letter has been written. That's an even better sign. If you can interest him in going through SAA or get into some good counseling where he and you can explore his reasons for drifting into an inappropriate relationship, it would pay big dividends farther down the line.

Stay on message, Needing. You're getting there, slowly but surely. Excellent.

Well, Hi Longhorn, and Thanks! I would love to hear about you're cooking too! I'm always looking for new recipes! I get bored but am scared to try new ones sometimes! I would love to try a, what is it, kuish recipe (SP). LOL
I'm a universal kind of gal! HAHA!

Of course, I'm still worried about not have a NC committment in writing but I'm still nervous about the whole thing! I can account for his time except for before he goes to work and I know he stops at the store (sammmeee one) and heads to work! No TMs, no secrets calls, etc., he)), no talking to her while I'm in front of him! Yes, he's done that to me too! I'm pretty certain and happy about it!

SAA is sitting out with the EN questionnaire, just waiting on him to pick them up! Pray that he does it soon for me! Please, I beg all MBers, pleaseeee! LOL It drives me nuts that it sits in the same place day after day after day! Right along with the MC, he said one day, when is that one day coming? I'm not going to give up!

I have a few questions that I plan on asking when the times right! I have a few reasons on why he drifted but somehow I feel that not quite right! It's a feeling and I need some clarification!

Well, time to go, if I don't right tonight, H and I had a business thing to go to with my bosses. We have out of town visitors and have to entertain! Have a good night!

"It drives me nuts that it sits in the same place day after day after day!"

Then pick it up and move it somewhere else.

I won't cap lock you like you did me. LOL

You are making progress. Any progress even babysteps is in the right direction.

Now that my head is a little clear here is how I am trying to look at it.

I said this to someone earlier.

It's like pushing a heavy rock up hill. Everyonce in a while all you can do is push real hard so it doesn't go back down. It seems like the momentum is stopped then you gather enough energy and give it a real hard push and it starts going back up the hill. Good news is that once you get to the top you can stop pushing.

Just warn the village below a big rock is coming their way.

LMAO, hurting, I really didn't mean to do that to you! I was at work and I have to remember to change it when I post. I just got lazy and didn't want to rewrite! LOL

Well, waiting on H to get home, take a showr and out the door to help entertain the big wigs! I'm not complaining, I love it!

OKay, I moved it! Just a little though! LOL

And, what's for supper?

Needing, is there anyway you can engineer a positive (win-win) situation in which the outcome pleases WH. Can you then refer to SAA, saying you learned (how to do it) (how to phrase it) (something about how to be married) (learned what you should have been doing all along) (etc.)?

I think that's about a clear as mud, but I don't know how else to phrase it. What I'm suggesting is you apply one or more of the Rules in SAA or a technique you learned about Plan A, (or something else) and let WH know it was the book that taught you how to do it. I wouldn't say anything more about it...nothing about him being able to learn something from SAA too. If you can do something like that, he might be intrigued enough to start glancing through SAA on his own.

What do you think? Doable? Or have you already tried it?

Let first say this this morning...last night when we got home I got to ask a question about why H had an A. I won't go into details about the two minute conversation, but Hubbie's answer sounded like he was trying to justify his actions. I told him that his answer sound like an excuse, not in a harsh tone or mean, just a matter of fact statement. Question is in what stage does WS or FWS try to justify what they have done? Could this be left over fog talk? Do you think he "gets it"? I mean actions speak louder than words right?

We were also, crawling into bed last night when I mentioned that I'm still not sleeping all night. FWH asked if he was doing something to me in the middle of the night that was causing me to wake up. I said no. H asked if I thought it was my mind just not wanting to slow down, I said more than likely! Told him that at least I haven't been sleeping standing up in the middle of the night. Our bed's high enough for me to have one foot on the floor and the other leg's on the bed, like I'm ready to go somewhere! H asked what I was thinking about I said mostly us! He was quiet and the next think I heard was him snoring! Poor thing, he's still so tired!

I've even tried a sleep aid and still wake up in the night at least once or twice, sometimes it's three or four times a night! I'm going to try the sleep aid again to see if that helps. The last time I slept all night was right after D-day and I slept in the spare bedroom!

LH- I had mention thing in the book that I've read but never really showed him that I was appling the material. Since I've been Plan Aing better since that horrible day I lost it with him, I can use that to my advantage. Explain the concept of Plan A, and if it wasn't for plan A that I would still be trying to discuss the relationship and concentrating of the A? Well, let me exclude explain the concept, make him look if up! Is that what you were referring to? I like the idea, I looked over the Rules again last night and I think Plan A would be the best, because it's the reason life's easier for him!

I think I can keep referring to SAA, to peek his curiousity! That's really what I'm aiming for. Maybe I should put it in the bathroom, that way it's in there, he's in there! He may be interested but embarassed to pick it up. In the bathroom (commonly referred to as the library), he can pick it up, thumb though it, and he'll think I'll never know? Any merit to that plan?

Needing,

Just Tread lightly. I would say this make sure before you ask a question you understand when, what, why, where it is being asked. I know this sounds crazy but I will tell you why.

My FWW wants to "talk" when there is no time to really discuss it. She wants to talk about what she wants to talk about not what I want to talk about. Why does she want to talk about it. Maybe it proves the theory that things go well for a while then it is right back to ... Where does she do it. When there is a way to escape when things get uncomfortable.

Do not engage in this. Make sure he really wants to talk and listen to you about your feelings. If not what good does it do?

If you read my other post you will know I have realized something yesterday. Everytime I share my feelings she gets angry with me. Been that way for three years now. Now I understand that if I feel bad it is better to keep it in that way I don't feel like the bad guy.

About the sleeping. Join the club. My FWW can fall asleep on a dime and I can't. So she feels better for disclosing something then can sleep while I stay up all night. LOL. Then on nights when it is later she points out how hard it is to function the next day without sleep.

It is really not their fault they can sleep and we can't. I can't take medication because I feel out of it the next day regardless.

I think you should stay in plan A and realize there will be setbacks. Just look for an overall forward progress. You might take 3 steps back one day but then move 3 steps forward the next and one step forward the next. Overall you are making progress and that is what is important. Right. Not going to happen overnight but if you keep moving in the right direction you will get there.

Good luck

Hurting, I'm going to post about your situation on your thread. I can understand about timing. I can't say that either one of us chose an inappropriate time. I'm sorry to hear that your FWW does this to you.

As far as not sleeping, I'm glad to know that I'm not the onlt one. When this whole thing started I lost 15 lbs (122 now @ 4'11"), was sleeping a lot worse, and just felt sick all the time. So, needless to say, I can tell things are getting better from my health.

It's so great to see that you guys see the forward motion in my life. It's nice to have the reinforcement from people dealing with the same situation. I am concerned about feeling some of the things that some of our follow MBers feel in a year from D-day or Hurting for example. What can cause those feelings? I've read several posts, say after a year or so, they don't feel like they want to stay in the M. Could this be from unresolved issues, like ENs not being met? If I can learn from others on how to possible avoid this down the line, I would be so grateful!

Thanks again to everyone!
Brokenbird- Where are you, are you hiding too?

"When this whole thing started I lost 15 lbs "

You know I spent six months on a diet to lose 50lbs. Hit my target weight. Hard work. Then she comes home and tells me about the A and I end up losing another 14lbs. Below my target weight. I actually had to gain it back. LOL If I would have known I wouldn't have gone on the diet.

So dang inconsiderate if you ask me. Wait until I lose all that weight by watching what I eat then you make it so I can barely eat and lose the weight.

Like adding insult to injury. LOL If I would have just waited I could have not eaten like a darn rabbit for 6 months.

Wow, 64 lbs., that's terrific! I'm even proud of you! After my second son, I was weighing 165 lbs. and it was not coming off. Well, one night some friends, H and I went to a local bar. (You can about imagine! LOL) The DJ was calling for woman over the age of 21, but didn't say want it was for! My girlfriend grabs my hand and drags me to the booth. DJ verifies all the woman's age by our license and puts us on stage. Come to find out it was a strip tease/dance contest, they said that they couldn't tell you to take your clothes off. Get the drift! Well, I wasn't about to get undressed on stage with my weight but we did stay up there and danced. Well, I felt so bad about myself after I got off that stage, I did something about it! I started reading labels, eating six times a day, switched from coke to diet DP, and lost 48 lbs. Then, I was getting comments about being to skinny, so LOL, like you had to gain some back.

I can't say that I ate like a rabbit, LMAO! When the weekend came, I still ate lite, but if I wanted a piece of candy, I ate it! Weekends were my reward for a good week!

So, LOL, how's your appetite now?

I ate at Wendy's for lunch and ordered the kid's meal, H said "That's all your getting!" Shocked I tell you! LOL
I said "what more do I need?" By the time I was finish with the turkey sandwich, fries, and yogart, I was full! LOL

If I can get away with it, I'm going to order the kid's meal, no sense in wasting food! LMAO

I didn't want to lose 64lbs only 50. I finished losing it two months before the A.

I was not really eating like a rabbit. I did the label too but I had to be disciplined.

Then a few months later boom. Well darn it I realized i didn't need discipline if my FWW would have just had the A earlier.

Funny thing is the reason I decided to lose it is one day, no lie, a button went flying across the room. I realized I either needed to go up another waste size or lose weight. I didn't want to have to buy all new clothes. So mean while now I had to buy all new clothes but in a new way.

Kinda felt crappy though that I couldn't buy them because we didn't have the money. LOL I was busy paying for other things. Funny thing is when FWW came back she restocked her wardrobe even though I only had 3 pairs of dress pants for work. Oh well water under the bridge now. Not allowed to talk about that either.

Now I am the Hot dad. I like it. Plus I am the fun dad. How great is that. The single moms at school love me. LOL.
The married ones are jealous. One time my FWW and I dropped the kids off together and the next day a mom came up and said how lucky she was. My FWW said why, the lady said in shape, good looking and he still opens the car door for you.

Hah I know somebody wants this. LOL. I want a rich old lady to take care of me.

Needing, whatever you can come up with to casually point out you learned how to better interact with him from SAA is going to serve your purpose. The "library" idea may be very effective. You know him best so go with you instincts. Lead that horse to water and, who knows, he may even drink.

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Way to go! I understand you on that one! Before I didn't dress for my position (Exec. Asst.) at work, I was happy with jeans, tennis shoes and a t-shirt. Since D-day, heels, jeans, nice top overlaid with a jacket, hair, make-up, nails, and accessories! I finally realized I'm the only woman in the house, the money I would be spending on girls, I can send on myself! I'm the tomboy type, I like to hunt, crab, build things, and I just didn't want to make the time to do those kinds of things!

Well, Plan A, something about doing for yourself, well, baby I did it! Yesterday, I met H at his work for lunch, and when I walked into that breakroom, all eyes were on me. The big bosses were there and they were looking! The head cheese had ordered pizza for all of the guys and held a small meeting while they ate. H said the guys are still making comments today, especially his helper! LMAO
I like it, lets H know if he screws up it won't be hard for me to find someone new when I ready too!

I understand where you're coming from on that one! I DON"T want a rich old lady though! LoL

My attitude about myself has changed for the good, I feel much better about myself. Of course, I feel strong because of it! I wouldn't mind in the least going into my 40's as the HOT MOMMA! It's a dream of mine and I'm not Stifler's mom either! LMAO

Well you go girl.

My attitude has always been the same about myself. Even when I was a tad robust. (politically correct for fat ******) I thought I was the best thing since sliced bread.LOL

I think that is why I never had an A. I did not need outside affirmation.

I think when others tell the FWS how lucky they are it does help us.

I helped coach baseball this year and all the mothers wanted me to stay next year because I was so good with the kids.(my kid is moving up) They also told her how funny I was then she caught one of them checking out my butt. I loved saturdays because I knew she was going to be all over me because all these other moms did was tell her how great I was.

I wish baseball wasn't over.

Too bad there were no rich old ladies there. LOL

BTW good for you for losing that weight. That is impressive too.

Hubbie actually told me last night that he loved the way I was dressed! I was really shocked, he's complimented me before but not with the enthusiasm that he had in his voice! I almost didn't know how to response, but I mustarded up a thank you and told him that I was really comfortable in what I was wearing! He picked out the shoes and shirt that I was wearing! I'm sure that touched him a little too!

Believe it or not, I wouldn't dress nice on purpose! I was also uncomfortable with people looking at me and making comments like "you look nice today!" Just anything like that! For so long in my life, I tried not to draw attention to myself! It's a result of a difficult childhood and being told that you started it! Which I knew/know wasn't the case but still! It's crazy!

Okay... I give in what's BTW? I've seen it several times, but I'm having a blonde moment when I see that! LOL

Thanks, I'm really happy about it! So, you like Baseball! Okay, Guess what I use to do for sport in college? H helped me train and I loved the time with him. I'll let you guess before I tell you!

BTW is by the way.

I bet you played softball.

I have an awsome lefty on my hands. First year in the sport. Broke his arm a week before the season and ended up with the best golve in the division. He had to play first base at the all star game because he had the best glove. Not a proud dad talking it was the head coach who kept saying it.

My son was obsessed. I had to practice with him everyday. He was the first there for practice and the last to leave. I had to tell everyone I wasn't keeping him there he was keeping me there. Pretty soon I had 3 or 4 kids staying because my son wouldn't leave.

Well it is important to feel good in your own skin. Good for you. Important to love yourself before you want someone else to love you.

LH- I'm sorry I missed your post!

Hurting- Nope! Powerlifting, I took 5th in National in 94'! LOL I like playing softball and football for that matter! It's good that the two of you get to spend so much time together enjoying each other!

I did start talking about the reason my changes have happened last night! I mentioned that I have been Plan Aing, about taking care of myself, and two of the rules. I spoke about the Rule of Protection and Undivided Attention. Last night, H was so tired, we didn't even get to go on our Thurs. night date, but we had YS and H was so tired. Thankfully, YS went to sleep in the car on the way to pick up supper, so, when we got home, I put him in bed. H and I sat at the table (which never happens, his idea) and ate supper. No TV in the back ground, how amazing that was! H suggested that we take a shower and go lay in the bedroom and watch TV. Well, needless to say, H went to sleep after I rubbed his back down (it's been hurting lately), and went to sleep @ 9:30. (Looked like a baby step to me, H was upset because we didn't get our night together!)

So, since I had some time on my hands, I began reading HNHN for about an hour, and crawled into bed. H didn't move! I wish they weren't making them work so much, but it's not that we need the money. Of course, the extra is nice, paying off some things faster. H always said "Money's not everything!"

He may had a three day suspension coming because Monday his helper didn't show up and he stood around for two hours waiting on help. He build these 80 foot cranes and it takes two people, well, he mentioned to the new guy (who was a helper before he got this position) in charge that he needed some help. The guy just walked away without saying a word (he's got no experience running anything), so after waiting around, H clocked out and went to the main yard to talk to the head cheese there. H explained that he wasn't trying to start any trouble but being that they are on a deadline, waiting around for three or four hours was going to causing them to holt production!

So, he got chewed out for that and he's not sure if he's going to get the days off or not. Sometimes, they wait a week or two before they hand out the punishment (which will actually be a vacation for H). He's so burnt out! If he get the days, he has had two other job offers, he said he may look into them while he's off. We just hate to have to change insurance, 401, etc. Needless to say, I'm supporting him no matter what his decision is. Alot of the employees are looking at finding new jobs, management is trying to enforce a 7 day work week, 12 hours a day! H and I have agreed that he doesn't work of Sunday, that's family day.

K, figured out the whole Father's day thing for him! I scheduled him for an hour massage for next Thurs. I know he'll love that! I got him one a few years ago, and he didn't stop talking about it!

Talk about some deposits in my bank! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I see everyone is stealing my massage idea!

Make sure you know the place before you buy it. I have a funny story about that.

When we first moved out here my Step Mom and my FWW decided to get my father and I gift certificates for massages. We hadn't used them yet and one of the guys we worked with wanted to get a massage. We told him about the place we had the gift cards and he went. Well it was not a reputable massage parlor if you know what I mean. This guy thought we had the coolest wifes in the world. I never used the gift certificate needless to say. About six months later the place was closed down by the cops.

My FWW kept bugging me about the massage she got for me and how I never went and now the place is closed down. I told her why the place got closed down and thats why I didn't go. LOL She was mortified about what they must of thought about her. The moral to this story is never get your H a massage at a place that has those beads hanging over the doors. LOL

A power lifter that is impressive. Sorry to hear about the H and his job. Working stinks. LOL

Sounds like you had a great night. Thats really cool.
I guess it can be done even if you have kids.

LOL- Hurting- I didn't mean to steal your idea! LOL It hit me this morning when I was talking about his back hurting!

As far as knowing the place (RMAO), I'm cancelled the other appt. I made, and rebooked for Monday at the local message school. Half the price, for the same amount of time! We've been to the other one before, and I've heard great things from my boss and others about the school. So, he's going for Deep Tissue!

I think Hubbie work is really interfering with our M right now. However, I would rather have it this way, then last year, when he was working nights and sleeping with ***** after he got me off to work (going to her apt.)! Or getting off at 4pm and me not getting off until 5, and him going over there! All behind my back of course! Resentment, you got it but still holding my head high! LOL