Well yes it is better.

I can't wait to get mine. I just get a gift card then go. I have known for a while because it is on the bank statment.

I think resentment goes hand in hand with what has happened. I hope he realizes that you do resent and have a right to resent what happened. That the resentment will fade when it is replaced with good things.

I have been telling my FWW that for a long time. The time for the resentment to fade and the forgiveness to kick in is directly related to how you take ownership of your actions.

It looks like he is starting to take ownership which is good.

If it wasn't for LH explaining that Dr. harley doesn't recommend billboard advertisment of As, I would have had flyers printed and put them on every car in her Apt. complex saying: "_______ had an Affair with a Married Man, will your's be next!" Since she drives a bus route, I would have had to distribute them on her routes too!

I know so mean, but if it kept her away from my H, I would have done it! It would n't have been a happy little fantasy world for H!

So, that's what it takes to get over the resentment. I was wondering that! I wonder what it's going to take to get over the resenment of my neighbors telling H I went to the lawyer? The way I feel they should have kept their noses out of my business! H doesn't see it that way, he says he would have done the same thing! LOL Yeah, right!

Okay, I had to tell H about the message for Monday because he doesn't get off until 7. Appt's at 7:30, so he would have to get off a little early to get a shower and then go. Well, I saw the look on his face and I asked if there was a problem with that. He said no, but it still looked like he was thinking about it. Later, he says to me "I would just be happy with me and you doing something Sunday!" I can't figure that out! Is he worried about missing 30 mins of work or does he feel like he doesn't deserve the message!

Because let me tell you, Mother's day was miserable for me and because he made it that way. I didn't get anything, and all I asked for was breakfast in bed! I'm sure I posted about it. He was really angry with me then, and still talking to OW.

Anyway, I told him if he wanted to cancel it I could do that, but I thought it would be great for him to get that deep tissue message since he's been hurting so much! So, I'm letting him decide what he wants to do on Sunday. I said it would probably be hard to get a babysitter being Father's Day, but let me know becasue I don't want to jump the gun like I have a tendency to do!

I don't get the sour face and comments any ideas?

" I can't figure that out! Is he worried about missing 30 mins of work or does he feel like he doesn't deserve the message!"

You are reading too much into it. The massage is to relieve stress. There is a certain amount of stress involved in trying to get somewhere when you know you are cutting it close. The logistics are probably bothering him thats it.

Reschedule it or just get him a gift certificate that he can use when it is conveinent for him.

The sour face might be acid reflux. LOL. Again don't read to much into it. Old habits are hard to break.

As for fathers day let him relax. Ideally that is what we all want. Maybe a little sports on TV a beer and some BBQ hotdogs.

OKay, I'll let it go! Oh, he did mention that he wished the two of us could do the message together. That could be it in itself.
VENTING>>>
I'm having a hard time with thought of OW today! I have been doing sooooooooOOOOOOOOOO good with surpressing feeling of wanting to hurt her, not phyiscally. I know that it's a waste of good energy on my part, but the feeling is so overwhelming! I mean there's been no ramifications on her side! No hurt, No exposure, No NOTHING! SHe deserves something! I just keep trying to think: Every dog has it's dog and some have two! It's not helping! AAAHHHH!


I mean what the **** was H thinking when he decided on a 49 yr old woman.... She's old enough to be his MOTHER! ANd what the HE)) triggers this today of all days? I've been doing good for two weeks and today I'm thinking of the worse things I can think of to get back at her for helping ruin my M the past few month, Oh, year! She's a bus driver with five kids, two still at home! I did expect her to lie to me and say that nothing was going on and that she doesn't sleep with married men! BU**S***! That's what pisses me off so much, at least be a woman and say "YEah, I ****Ed HIm!" Okay!OKay! OKAY!

I've recently found out who OW's XH is and A XBF. I know if I expose to them now, it will only make things worse with H and I. But MAN, I wish I could DO SOMETHING, ANYTHING!

Talking to self: "I'm going to be fine and get over this feeling before I see H tonight! I'm going to be fine!"

Nope, sorry, it didn't work! Help, talk me DOWN, I WANT TO JUMP! LOL

"I know that it's a waste of good energy on my part, but the feeling is so overwhelming"

Yes it is.

You know my FWW had the A with the guy that lived in my Family's basement. They let him keep living there. My uncle said he had been a good tenant and he was going to kick him out because my wife spread her legs for him. Not his fault he is just a guy. I don't talk to them anymore. Not because of what my FWW did or the embarassment but because they let him keep living there.

I could really care less about him because he is a loser for doing it. What do you think you could possibly do to harm someone that is capable of those type of actions. Embarass her? LOL How do you humilate someone that has no problem doing what she did. Heck you might even be helping her find the next WH. Like a flyer. IF you are unhappy with your W come look me up.

The massages sound good. The only place that does it here with you both in the room is always booked solid.

Hurting-Okay, you got me on that one! I just figure the wives would be watching her real close!
Thanks for all of the help! I don't know, it just seems there should be something, anything!

LH? Broken?

"it just seems there should be something, anything"

How about apathy. Who cares about that worthless person. That non entity.

I think Osama is a bad person and one fine day he might get his or he might die an old man. Can't really concern myself about every bad person in the world getting theirs. I would never sleep.

You know nobody ever has a perfect life not even the OW. Maybe one day she will get married and have this happen to her. You and H will be happy and closer and she will be posting here asking for help.

Maybe imagining that is all you need.

Remember, one exposes adultery in order to break up the adultery. You've accomplished that. Exposing for the sake of exposing isn't you, Needing. Look, revenge would be cool for a moment or two, but it wouldn't be a good thing when you looked back at it. You'd see it as spiteful and petty when you had time to reflect on it. I'm pretty sure it would affect your marriage's recovery too. Stay with the moral high ground, Needing.

Heck, OW isn't having a very good life as it is. If she's supporting herself as a bus driver, she's probably pretty close to being miserable all the time anyway. It's not one of those jobs where there's a lot of job satisfaction. Let her suffer through her existence all by herself. You've got your husband back and you're well on the way to making a better marriage than you had before. Why bother with OW?

See you guys always know what to say at the right time! Hurting, you remind me of Hubbie's BF, he's like a brother to me! I was so proud of him when he final got Med and had his own son!

Longhorn- you're just wonderful! I've often thought about the whole bus driver thing, and just today for some reason! I usually feel sorry for her, but there are these days!

Ya'll are always right! DARN!

I did win! Glad I'm not the loser in this one! got a ways to go but that's better than where I could be! Okay, i hate feeling those feeling, i am calm now! OW's XBF use to jump on her from what i hear! that's sad in itself! alright!

Okay, working on me! SMILE!;) okay! okay!

Thanks again! I love my MBers, I can be insane here versus going insane at home.

thanks , I'll keep you posted!

Can you imagine being triggered by every school bus you see?

OW drove my OS on his field trip to new school in May! SHe knew who he was, that really upset me!

I doubt she was responsible for the decison about what bus she was driving. They are usually assigned by the school or bus company.

She knew who he was great. Hey kid get on the bus, sit down and shut up. God I hate this stupid job. Kids all pissy in the back, spitballs flying at my hair. Kids singing stupid songs for however long they are on the bus. Then there is always one smart aleck on the bus asking if I got my license from a cracker jack box.

Oh and look who just strolled on the Bus my BF's oldest son. I have to chaufer around his kid. He won't have them with me but here I am with this kid on now. What a great day. How embarrassing. Bet he is the one that is going to make the cracker jack box comment. I wonder if I do get his dad if he will be proud that his evil step mom is driving him and his friends on a field trip. I bet he would be so proud.

Thank you so much for helping put things into perspective!

Happy Father's Day to all! HUrting, LongHorn, etc...

I wish you the best for the day!

I'm going to have to cancel the message thing, he's got to work last Monday, 10 or 11pm! He said he would perfer to schedule one for the two of us anyway!
Well, looks like I'll be losting the little one next Friday! His grandparents are coming down and taking him too. So, H and I will have at least a week together! By now, I have to plan a b-day party for Sat. for the two of them! OS's is Wed (21st), and YS is 29th, next Thurs. I think! Theie going to be 4 and 8! God, their growing!

Oh, LET ME TELL YOU what YS did last night...LMAO
H was suppose to work late but couldn't because of problems with the job. Well, I called him to see if he wanted something to eat...he just got to a friend of our house...I asked if he wanted me to bring him something from Chili's...well, H and our friends decided to meet me and YS there instead...so YS and I was sitting at the bar waiting on a table...the guy next to us started talking to YS...asking him if he's going to school, etc...OMG, YS leans over at tells the guy..."MY M and D really love each other!"...me and the guy died laughing...Guy says "I get the point, I'll leave your mom alone!" (He wasn't even talking to me!) The bartenders are laughing and some of the people behind us were too. I had to call H and tell him about it and then when all of our friends got there we laugh about it again! Even MIL got a kick out of it this morning!

The guy said I see that he is super intelligent. (YS didn't get into Pre-K because the techers said that he was super-intelligent and would have to be put on the waiting list!) Oh, we laughed so much! Out of the months of babes...

Well, Happy Father's day to all, even those single mom's out there who work so hard to be both parents at the same time!

Hello, everyone! I just want to rejoice in the past three weeks with H! We are doing really well! MOF, Life has been really good to me lately! I called my SD today and wished him a Happy Father's Day! I woke him up and I know I put a sh** eating grin on his face for the whole day! We had a good conversation, and later I called my mom at work to clue her in on what I did. She said SD said he may have to give in a little with regards to me, H and the kids. She said that was between her and I. I'm not sure what SD means but anything is welcome after 13 years of misery. After all he done to me (and my family) I can let the past be the past!

Now that I think about it, I think that the best thing for H and I to do! We all know that we can't change it, but we can secure a great present and wondeful future! I'm not saying that I'm going to shove everything under the rub, and be the person I was before; but for some reason what happen in the A is unimportant to me. I will not have "blind trust" in the future but I can secure a future that's A free by maintentaining the present course that I'm on! So, I guess H and I are headed into recovery! We talked some Friday night about us, his sincereity is amazing to me! We had a great day Sat., and a wonderful day today! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

We still have alot of issues to work on but I truely feel that I'm done with the A. I'm ready to work on the problems that lead to us withdrawing from each other which in turn had something to do with H's decision to have an A. I don't think H thought I would counsult a lawyer or do some of the things that I've done over the past two months. It was a shock for him to almost lose everything he's worked for over the past 13 years. With the support of my posters, I would not have remained as calm as I have been. I would have ended a great thing because I was naive! I have listened carefully and hung on to your words, for this I'm grateful!

I feel that I'm climbing the valley and I'm ready to someday get to the top (Hurting-I'm going to leave that rock in the valley to, I don't want to hurt the villagers below! LOL). Your FWSs are truely lucky to have you guys. I know I still may have a bad day here and there but I know where I can turn! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I now, look forward to spending time with FWH, and cherish the time with him. I don't hate being around him anymore, or assume that he feels a certain way. I can ask him and get a straight answer, and not feel like he's just telling me that to leave him alone. We both understand that the M is the most important thing and not the kids, work, money, etc. I'm sure that if we continue on this road that we will learn even more. We now have a dedication to each other that I know we didn't have before. I want to do things for him again, I don't do them because I have to! I'm sure that you can see that I love him, and I'm still hurt, but I can't dwell on that! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I'm not about to be that old person again and one day my heart will be completely open again!

Look forward to hearing how everryone faired on Father's Day and any comments like: Who are you kidding? LOL That's the biggest line of Bu))sh**, I've ever heard! LOL You all have a great day! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Do you think it's wise to send OW flowers with card saying "Thanks for all your help!"

JUST JOKING! She can kiss my (oops)! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Needing,

Good for you. But "Who are you kidding? LOL That's the biggest line of Bu))sh**, I've ever heard!" LOL just kidding.

I have always said that "your perspective is you reality." If you believe what you are saying then you will make it your reality. If you think your marriage will fail it probably will just so you can prove you are right. In your own mind. If you think your marriage will fail it probably will for the same reason.

You know I think that is why my M started to disintegrate because my FWW really believed one day it would be over. Our recovery has been a little difficulet I believe for the same reason.

I am very happy for you. Keep the right perspective and things will be great!

NC -

Looks like things are going really well for you and your H - congrats <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

If you can keep your perspective as Hurting said, you'll do fine. I hope you have smooth sailing from here on out, but if you hit any bumps don't get too down - they're pretty normal in this process.

Sorry I haven't posted lately - been busy at work and dealing with some of my own stuff. I do keep up on your thread though, even when I don't post.

Thank you guys! I want to make my M work! When I first found out I know I was in shock. I even told him right after the words came from his mouth "NO, No, you didn't do this to me!" I even said I wasn't sure I could stay with him! Thurs. will make two months since D-day, and I can remember saying things like: if we work this out, or him saying something similar. Now, we say things like next year we're going to...

I can really see a difference in him...calling me pet names, saying I love you, and now he had to touch me in his sleep. There was a time when he slept on his side and I slept on my side. We didn't talk, and it was a don't you dare touch me, I'll kill you! I hated him, I was tired of fighting! It was a waste of breathe and energy to try to even talk to him, all he would do was get angry which caused me to get anger. It was a cycle we had going for years! Sound familiar? Or is that just us?

He's even helping me plan the kids B-day party this weekend! We've decided on crawfish and a slipn'slide. What more could a 4 and 8 year old boy want? H and I have even decided on a present for the oldest and working on the youngest. In the past, I've asked him but I end up making the decision.

Did I mention that one of the neighnors even said that we looked happier together? I was pretty proud, had to mention it to H when we got home. I'm not in love yet, but I love him now! I really hated him, even before D-day, I had been trying for month to break up H and OW. You figure they started the PA according to H, May 05' and it ended Dec'05, EA, I guess you could say ended 3 weeks ago today, NC. It's really been a rough year and a half, if I would have found you guys sooner, I may not have had to endure some of the [email]cr@P[/email] I have.

So, what do I expect now? What's recovery? Do you think I can be a the beginning of the path? I'm going to have to go back and look in that chapter in SAA, I guess! Is it to soon to think we're in recovery?

"Is it to soon to think we're in recovery?"

Do you think you are in recovery?

Ha I thought so. I think there is a start to recovery and then a lot of hardwork to stay recovered. Choices need to made and paths need to be followed.

Kinda like an addict in a way. When did recovery start. Does it ever end?

The good thing is you think you have started so you have. Keep things in perspective and you will keep going down that path.

Two months is a very short period of time but it has to start somewhere right.

Glad to hear your H is now taking a part in all of those things. You are seeing changes for the positive which means he probably wants to make things better then they were pre A. Isn't that the goal?

NC -


Most people here say recovery can begin as soon as NC is established and the WS goes through withdrawal. That's for the marital recovery.

You've already begun your own personal recovery. Ultiamtely, only you and your husband can determine when you are in recovery, and how successful it is.

Recovery will be hard. You will have good days (like now), and you will have bad days. The important thing is for both of you to keep your eyes on the goal.

Would your husband be willing to post here? He can get a lot of good advice and support from both FBS and FWS.

If he does post here, I would strongly recommend that you both stay off of each other's threads. There's a lot of marital debris on these forums where couples have continually posted to each others threads. It tends to get really ugly, though there are couples here who have recovered (or are well into recovery) that post together.